on Page 5957 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Your Early Games Open Thread
Lions fans, please ignore the distribution maps, as your apathy has rendered them irrelevant. Basically only the Beltway gets to see the Skins become Detroit's first win in years. Bank on it. [The506]...

"Motherf***er Hit My Penis"
Minnesota's Simoni Lawrence crotches himself on a yard marker, and provides us with a contender for quote of the year....

You're Not Dispelling Any Stereotypes Here, CFL
Think that Browns rookie was pissed? After a practice spat, a CFL lineman stormed off the field, then returned waving a shovel. What a uniquely Canadian way to settle an argument. [AP]...

Oh Great, Even Less Scoring In Soccer
Of the many ways to cheat at professional sports, the simplest are sometimes the most effective. Like, say, a keeper making his goal smaller. Oh, soccer, this whole taking-you-seriously thing isn't going to work out....

It's Like The "Where's Waldo" Of Obscene Signs
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Time To Knock Off
We started the day off with small athletes of the Orient, and we shall end with larger ones....

Respiratory Illness Will Not Slow Tim Tebow
In case Florida fails to crush another mediocre SEC opponent tonight, Urban Meyer can safely recycle his flu excuse. Sickness has ravaged the Gators, including Tim Tebow, who flew to Lexington on a separate plane last night. [Dr. Saturday]...

Send Us Your Bitter Tales Of Defeat
If Drew's mailbag has taught us anything, it's that gambling stories usually end badly. In that spirit, we'd like to hear your worst....

Ichiro Finally Cracks
The normally robotic Ichiro was ejected for the first time in his career after arguing a called third strike in today's game against Toronto. Apparently, it was the old "bat in the sand" demonstration that did it.[ESPN]...

Browns' No-Nonsense Rookie Apparently Not Familiar With Concept Of "Prank"
Rookie Coye Francies turned punchy yesterday after fellow teammates playfully dowsed him with a bucket of ice. Abram Elam deflected Francies' blows before Shaun Rogers managed to pull the rookie out of the locker room by his shirt.[ESPN]...

Binghamton Cleans House
Five more Binghamton basketball players have been cut from the team two days after its star point guard, Emanuel "Tiki" Mayben was nabbed for selling crack-cocaine. The basketball program, nicknamed "UNLV East" is desperately trying to shed its misfit label....

Your College Football Open Thread
Sound Off Here. Photo courtesy of Busted Coverage...

Rookie's First Big League Memory Held For Ransom
You've heard stories about ballhawks, those unwieldy characters who scoop up milestone home run balls only to hold them for ransom from the players who hit them. This is one of those tales....

Kimbo Says: "If You Can't Beat 'Em, Shoot 'Em"
TUF Castmate Justin Wren: "He got arm-barred and Kimbo really doesn't like to tap. He didn't tap and the guy hurt his arm so he came back in there with a gun. Cops were called and everyone went nuts." [Cagewiter]...

China Still Very Much A Developing Nation
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Big Ten Network Undeterred By Gimpy Sideline Pony
Charissa Thompson, sideline reporter for the Big Ten Network, broke her ankle doing step aerobics and will wear a cast. She's not DL'd yet, so keep her in your lineup. This is officially the slowest news day in history....

Out Of Rehab, Michael Beasley Says He's Supercool Once More
Beasley just finished up a monthlong stint at a substance-abuse center in Houston and announced that he had moved on from weed, Twitter and adolescence in general. Whether any of those things actually constituted a problem, however, is still unclear....

Cowboys Repent For "Party Pass" Hell (Sort Of)
We reported on the special circle of hell the Cowboys reserved for their Party Pass holders on Sunday. Almost a week later, Jerry Jones is finally owning up to the mayhem which, in Jerry's defense, made the record books....
