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Legless Runner Declares War On Bipeds
Track and field nerds may remember the name of Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee who fought to get into the Olympic Games (and then didn't qualify.) Apparently, he has turned his aggression on people who still have their legs....

Deadspin Guest NFL Prognosticator (Thinks He) Wins Big
A message from Mr. Sicha: "SUCK IT EVERYONE, AS I WENT SIX FOR SIX IN MY NFL PICKS." Humor him. He's not counting "the spread" even though his column is called "The Spread".[The Awl]...

Tom Brady Is Out Of Suzy Kolber's League
Tom Brady was lucky to escape last night with a win. Needless to say, escaping Suzy Kolber's post-game advances wasn't as easy. [With Leather](Video BarStoolSports/NYC)...

Spanish Soccer Club Whipped Into Shape By Man-Eating Grizzly Bear
Spain's Real Valladolid teaching it's newest training partner the basics of soccer, including how to take a convincing dive when you're a 400 lb killing machine. [The Spoiler]...

Ohio State-USC Game A Missed FAILgate Opportunity
"Ohio State says it has learned its lesson from big matchups such as the Texas game in 2005, in which cleanup crews found several soiled shorts and a few coolers filled with poop." [Columbus Dispatch]...

Arch Criminals Make Off With Baltimore's Only Memory Of Cal Ripken Jr.
How bad has crime become in Baltimore now that The Wire is off the air? Hooligans pilfered a three-foot high aluminum number "8" from Camden Yards last week. Now no one in the city can count to nine....

What Is Wrong With Our Angry Tennis Players?
Federer, bitching to the umpire about a late challenge by eventual winner Juan Martin del Potro: "Don't tell me to be quiet, OK? … I don't give a shit what he said, OK?" Such grace! [YouTube, AP]...

Leodis McKelvin: "I Am Going To Do It Again"
Buffalo Bills fans learned how to deal with disappointment a long time ago, so today is just another Tuesday morning for them. When you've already lost 11 in a row to one team, No. 12 isn't such a big deal....

O.J. Simpson's Last Remaining Fan (And Other Tales Of Woe)
We got many weekend submissions for Morning Crap that weren't good enough to "wake up!" to (or earn their own post) but were too good not to share. So they morphed into this special Voltron-like gallery of awesomeness. Tremble, weaklings!...

You May Now Commence Swooning
Summon the trumpets and cry the hosannas! Tackle football shall be played on the evening of the day following Sunday, and your beloved hero has returned to lead you home. Also, the Raiders will be involved....

The Eagles Will Probably Sign Jeff George By Week 4
Why not? It makes about as much sense as signing Jeff Garcia at this point. But, yes, the man who once lead the team to a false start away from the NFC Championship game back in 2006 has returned. [The700Level.com]...

The Learning Curve: Quarterrack
This segment is called "The Learning Curve" where you, young blog proprietor, will get a link to your new site on Deadspin. Any and all questions you may have about being a successful blogger will (hopefully) be answered....

Charles Barkley Actually Makes Pretty Good Point About Shawne Merriman
If there's one thing Sir Charles knows, its where to pick up classy women. His advice to Merriman: "Dude, you're one of the best football players in the world; don't get your women off of reality TV" [Sports By Brooks]...

Sports Doctors Demand More BRAINS!!!
Three active NFL players have agreed to donate their brains to science. What?! That's just nuts! What kind of crazy doct ... oh ... after they die. Yeah, that makes more sense. [AP]...

Jim Carroll: The Bard Of The Hardwood
Carroll — junkie, author, schoolboy basketball star — died Friday of a heart attack while working at his desk. He was a hopped-up Holden Caulfield with a jump shot, and the closest thing basketball ever had to a poet laureate....

49ers' Lack Of Failure Causing Crabtree To Sweat, Possibly Cave
"49ers players who spoke with Crabtree after the game detected anxiety on his part, and there's now a sense that he might be getting ready to take the offer that the 49ers have left on the table." [Pro Football Talk]...

Dude, You're Making Out With A Dude
Football season is upon us, which means that thousands of angry, horny, feisty pretend fans will converge upon this great nation's red cup-littered parking lots to participate in traditional tailgating revelry. These are not those stories....

The Best And Worst Shows Kids Force You To Watch
I'm booting up the new Deadspin Open Mailbag post tomorrow (be a part of it by emailing me here), so I thought I'd use today to give a little sneak preview....

Dear NBC, DIE
I hate you, NBC. I hate you so very much. All I wanted to do this weekend was enjoy some football....