on Page 5993 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Rich People Golf While You're At Work
The PGA Championship is under way. Follow along with the online leaderboard and it's almost like being outside! (Your cubicle has never felt so small and dark.) [PGA.com/ShaneBacon]...

Donte' Stallworth Suspended For One Year
Roger Goodell dropped a very big hammer on Donte' Stallworth, suspending him without pay for the entire 2009 season. Goodell said: "Without regard to the merits of the disposition of the criminal case, I believe that further consequences are necessary."...

10-Year-Old Hero Closes Door On Jay Cutler Era
Ah, the wisdom of children! It was bad enough when Cutler whined and cried his way to a trade to Chicago, but he crossed another line this week by proclaiming Denver fans to be less than passionate boosters....

Petey Throws Five Innings Of Slop For The Win
It wasn't pretty, or inspiring, but he did end up with the win. And Charlie Manuel used the hillbilly logic to monitor his new, old pitcher: "Five innings and he was ready to be got." [Philly.com]...

Famous Actor Desperate To Portray Nerdy GM
Brad Pitt says that Moneyball: The Movie is still very much alive and he would very much like to play Billy Beane. So world-famous actors with beautiful movie star wives dream about being nerdy baseball executives? [MTV]...

Hey Buddy, Down In Fro... Oh
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

What Does The NFL Shop Know That We Don't?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Nets Try To Trick Fans Into Wearing Nets Gear
Want season tickets to see the Nets? No, of course you don't. Will some Nets jerseys sweeten the deal? Still no, huh. OK, how about jerseys of the best players on other teams. Yes, it's that desperate at the Meadowlands....

A-Rod To Be Put Out To Stud?
Always-reliable gossip rag In Touch reports that Kate Hudson wants Alex Rodriguez to get her pregnant and that "she would assume all financial responsibility." And if he changes his mind, I'm sure he's got $3000 laying around somewhere. [In Touch]...

Stay Classy, Cubs Fans (UPDATE)
So, yeah, this happened tonight. Maybe it's time to retire that old stereotype of Philly having the worst fans? The culprit identified, after the jump....

NBA Age Limit Continues To Destroy Amateur Hoops
Jeremy Tyler becomes the first American player to jump to an overseas pro team before finishing high school. He'll only make $150,000, but for an 18-year-old that's a lot of Slim Jims and PS3 games. [ESPN]...

Viewers Pissy Over Bathroom Scene Interrupting Soccer Highlights
BBC1 debuted their new Football League highlight programme this weekend, and new shows can have their share of glitches. But everything was going smoothly, audio and graphics were working perfectly, until...BAM! Blonde on a toilet!...

All The Mutton, None Of The Bustin'
Brainstorm! What if, instead of having scared little children try to ride sheep, we strapped stuffed animals to their backs and made the fuzzy little guys race? Leave it to the Irish to take mutton sports to the next level....

Rick Pitino Deemed Unworthy Of Samford Law School's Leadership Luncheon
Rick Pitino was supposed to appear at a leadership luncheon in September at Samford's Cumberland law school. Now it seems the priapic boy genius will not be darkening Samford's door, for some mysterious reason....

Dwight Howard's Lawyers Tell The World That's Not His Penis
The photos of a man who looks like Dwight Howard pulling down his shorts to reveal his member in a web cam pic found on Mediatakeout are not him, TMZ reveals. Big day for everybody....

What To Expect From "Hard Knocks: Cincinnati Bengals"
The Cincinnati Bengals are not quite the trainwreck they once were, but everyone is still hoping for some kind of entertainment value out of this year's edition of HBO's "Hard Knocks" docudrama. Don't get your hopes up....

Rick Pitino, Health Care Reformer
The coach's attorney says the $3,000 given to Karen Cunagin Sypher was not for an abortion but to help her buy medical insurance, furnishing America with yet another argument in favor of a single-payer model. [ESPN]...

Your U.S.A. vs. Mexico Open Live Thread Thingy
Fire up, gringos! It's like the original Mexican-American War, only with less malaria. The winner gets to punch Lou Dobbs in the face; loser gets to keep Texas. Olé your brains out in comments....

Pitino's Contract Has A Morality Clause
Rick Pitino's contract has a couple vaguely worded clauses that could figure into whatever fate awaits him at Louisville. One refers to "acts of moral depravity," the other to "willful misconduct" that "tends to greatly offend the public."...

Give Your Brain the Day Off
The brain is the most overworked muscle in the body, and today, it's time to give it a rest. Get together with friends and celebrate not thinking by kicking back and relaxing with a bucket of ice cold Coronas....