on Page 6132 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Señor Jose Bettis' Old Fashioned Fire Juice
• It comes in smooth and chunky: Jerome Bettis now has his own premium tequila. It's the perfect shot for drunk driving school bus drivers. [PSAMP]...

So Much For LT Going Elsewhere
Rejoice, San Diegans. Ladainian Tomlinson will be around to spell Darren Sproles for the next three years. [AP]...

Butler Just Couldn't Dig Deep Enough To Pull Out A Victory
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

For Those Who Piss Intensity And Head Butt Coke Machines
Ron Zook's personal demo boat is for sale. It's the 2008 Malibu Response XLi — which can be yours for $51, 485. [MunsonSki]...

When the best team on your non-conference schedule is Syracuse, and the Orange beat you at home, you're not very good. Kudos to Memphis for finishing the regular season, but likewise I'm undefeated at ping pong down at the MorningWood Convalescence Home and my court mandated community service hours ...

This Boy Will Grow Up To Jeopardize His Job Security Due To Substance Abuse
Something tells me that this little boy won't be allowed to wear that jersey out in public anymore if Matt Jones continues his current career trajectory....

One Eye Appears To Not Be Living As Strongly As The Other
Lance Armstrong broke up the crowd at a recent press conference with his Cookie Monster impression. Oh, wait. No, he didn't. [Best Week Ever]...

Alex Smith Is Back, But Apparently In Disguise
Things don't usually work this way, but hey, we're in a recession. Alex Smith — once thought totally extinct in the wild — is back with the 49ers under a new, slimmer contract....

Radio Jockeys Make Horrible Jockeys
Two sports talk hosts racing each other on real thoroughbred horses seemed like a brilliant radio stunt, until one of them ended up in the ICU with bleeding on the brain. Oops. [Sun-Times]...

Get Ready To See DePaul (0-18 In Conference) In Your NCAA Tournament Bracket
Not really. But technically the Blue Demons (9-23 overall) are still alive for a March Madness bid after their first-round win over Cincinnati in the Big East Tournament. [NBCSports]...

This Terrell Owens Thing Is For Real, People
• Pinch me: You're not dreaming. It's T.O.'s new Buffalo locker. Or a future exhibit at the Clubhouse Cancer wing of the Smithsonian. [Mouthpiece Sports]...

Rick Reilly Doesn’t Appreciate Your Phony Twitter Feed
Love Twitter, do you? Think it's all the rage? Well, let me tell you a story about Twitter that will SHOCK AND ALARM YOU....

A Vasectomy, Frozen Peas, The NCAA Tournament And You
Quote: "I'd give my right nut to be able to skip work and watch the first two rounds of the NCAA Tournament from my sofa." Um, be careful what you wish for....

Amaze Us With Your Obscure College Trivia
Selection Sunday is ... Sunday! That means we must begin the time-honored tradition of Deadspin's patent-pending NCAA Tournament Preview Capsules....

Tom Brady Wants To Be Your Superhero; Oh Yeaaahh
I could get behind Tom Brady appearing on an episode of Flight of the Conchords, or even Big Love (he'd fit right in). But this? Has Brady jumped the shark?...

The Internet Makes Death Come Quicker, And Easier
This is a new semi-weekly column from Leitch. It has words, and pictures. It's called Ten Humans Of The Week. It might or might not work. But here it is....

Memphis Tigers' Winning Combination
Memphis' 58-game Conference USA winning streak has seniors Antonio Anderson and Robert Dozier just two wins shy of a record 134 for their careers. [Commercial Appeal]...

Still More High School Hoops Heroics
The game was a regional final between Wisconsin Dells and River Valley, and with scored tied at 56, Dells senior Jade Royston heaved a desperate half court prayer just moments after he missed two free throws (he's an 80% shooter) that could have put the game away. His team had already blown a 10-poi...

Rinku And Dinesh Are Boycotting Topps (With Update)
Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel, the teenage pitchers from India who were signed by the Pirates recently, would like you to know that the man from Topps is a bad man. A very baaaad man....

Your Definitive Big East Breakdown By A Pink-Colored Paper
The New York Observer has a nice little rundown of the Big East tournament that starts tonight. [NY Observer]...