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Keepers Wield More Than Just Guesswork In The Battle Against Penalty Kicks
Penalty kicks are bad. They’re dramatic and can be a fascinating experience out of context, but we don’t get to experience them out of context. We have to deal with penalties as a clumsy method of deterring fouls in the box and as a makeshift solution to tied games dragging on forever. The fact that...

Simone Biles Gets A Vault Named After Her Just 24 Hours After Going To The ER For A Kidney Stone
Yesterday Simone Biles was in a significant amount of pain and was brought to the emergency room. U.S. gymnastics officials thought she might have appendicitis and were starting to work out how to approach the team event without the superstar on the roster. It turned out to be a kidney stone. Very p...

This Weekend Is The First <i>Clásico</i> Of The Rest Of Our Lives
The defining feature of the past decade of international soccer has been the enduring struggle of two opposing forces: Lionel Messi vs. Cristiano Ronaldo, Barcelona vs. Real Madrid. Two of the very best soccer players to ever live, their abilities maximized to the fullest extent possible thanks to m...

Not Even A Kidney Stone Can Stop Simone Biles
Simone Biles is set to return to international competition tomorrow at the 2018 World Championships. In practices in Doha, she’s looked unstoppable, hitting routine after routine. Biles is one of the rare gymnasts that garners applause during podium training sessions as she did here on vault....

A Taxonomy Of Calls For Unity In The Hardcore Scene
On Leap Day several years ago, Bold, the hardcore band, played the East Village coke den Lit Lounge’s packed basement in front of a hundred or two hundred people. The band, well into their middle age, hadn’t released a record since 1989, and are best known for punk songs they wrote as teenagers. Sin...

The Cowboys Found Several Ways To Beat Themselves<em></em>
In the most NFC East–ass ending, the Cowboys lost Sunday to Washington on a missed game-ending field goal, which came after Dallas bungled its final drive and committed an inexplicable penalty....

My Goodness, The Jaguars Are A Mess
It is remarkable just how quickly a team that was one competent quarter away from the Super Bowl, and still looked like world-beaters two weeks into this season, has so completely fallen apart. Remarkable not for the why of it—injuries have taken out their top wide receiver, top running back, top tw...

Old Man Wayne Rooney Has Officially Dragged D.C. United Into The Playoffs
Three months after sitting at the bottom of the MLS’s Eastern Conference playoff race, D.C. United have secured a playoff spot, thanks to the efforts of Old Man Wayne Rooney. He scored two goals in today’s 3-1 victory against NYCFC to make the postseason berth official....
![Lionel Messi Taken Off After Painful Arm Injury Against Sevilla [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/x9jprgtbxs0vha0cgaiy.gif)
Lionel Messi Taken Off After Painful Arm Injury Against Sevilla [Update]
Lionel Messi was subbed off in the 15th minute of Barcelona’s match against Sevilla on Saturday after suffering an apparent injury to his arm or elbow. The Argentinian was chasing after the ball and ran into a defending Sevilla player, forcing him to land awkwardly. Messi writhed in pain on the pitc...

Gosh, I Really Hope The Red Wings Can Manage To Win A Game This Year
They tried really hard. That’s really the best thing you can say about the Red Wings’ relatively close but still inevitable 3-1 loss to the Lightning on Thursday night. The Wings hung with the Bolts throughout the whole game, but eventually found themselves outdone by just a top-notch performance fr...

Why The NFL Dumped Its Anthem Policy
NEW YORK — The NFL was really feeling itself at this week’s fall meetings in lower Manhattan. Scoring is through the roof! Games are historically close! Ratings are up! Concussions are down! It was impossible to chat up a league official without being reminded of how swell things are going, and ain’...

Old Man Wayne Rooney Adds Ridiculous Free-Kick Goal To MLS Highlight Reel
Former Manchester United star Wayne Rooney’s first season in MLS was already a huge success before last night’s game against Toronto. He came into it with nine goals and seven assists in 18 appearances, and as the owner of one of the best soccer highlights you’ll ever see. In the 18th minute of last...

Mary Bono Steps Down As USA Gymnastics President And CEO, Defends Anti-Kaepernick Tweet
Well, that was fast. Just five days—and two of those days were weekend days—after her appointment as interim president and CEO of USA Gymnastics was announced, Mary Bono, a former Republican congresswoman from California, has announced she’s resigning from the post....

Simone Biles Has All The Power, And She Knows It
I’ve been writing about Simone Biles since 2013, when she made her senior international debut at the American Cup. She placed second there, in what wound up being one of the last second-place all-around finishes of her career, but she already displayed all the physical prowess we’ve come to associat...

Iowa State Accelerates The Marching Band Arms Race With Inflatable Dinosaur Costumes
Iowa State upset 13th-ranked West Virginia 30-14 Saturday, which is of some consequence in the landscape of college football, but who cares—look at the dinosaurs. There are so many of them!...

Breeland Speaks Says He Let Tom Brady Go Because He Was Afraid Of Being Penalized
It ultimately didn’t matter much, because there was a defensive holding call on the play that would have given the Pats a first-and-goal, but the oddest play of last night’s thrilling Chiefs-Patriots game belonged to Chiefs linebacker Breeland Speaks....
![USA Gymnastics Appoints Interim CEO And She Has A Take On Nike And Colin Kaepernick [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ggbzwovoxqaf3i0s498f.jpg)
USA Gymnastics Appoints Interim CEO And She Has A Take On Nike And Colin Kaepernick [Update]
USA Gymnastics announced the appointment of Mary Bono as interim CEO and president of USA yesterday. Bono previously worked at Faegre Baker Daniels Consulting in Washington, DC. Before that, she was a congresswoman from California. She was first elected in 1998 to replace her husband Sonny Bono, who...

Simone Biles Unveils New Vault No Woman Has Ever Done Before, Remains Invincible
Yesterday, USA Gymnastics hosted its selection camp to help choose the five-person team for the upcoming world championships in Doha. I say “help choose” because the results from this competition—or any competition for that matter—aren’t truly determinative of who will be named or not. Final team co...

WWE Taking Tens Of Millions In Saudi Money Sure Looks Awful
This week’s edition of WWE’s Monday Night Raw flagship made official a major development that had been expected for weeks: After eight and a half years of retirement, Shawn Michaels really is returning to the ring in a few weeks, at WWE’s Crown Jewel event in Saudi Arabia. Michaels had been steadfas...

Chris Jones's Day Included Embarrassing Blake Bortles And Punching A Guy's Ass
The most anticipated game of the early NFL season was pretty one-sided. The undefeated Kansas City Chiefs and their high-powered offense have been dominating the supposedly impenetrable defense of the 3-1 Jacksonville Jaguars. Oddly enough, one of the more notable players of the game was not the lea...