one Page 196 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Barcelona Will Stomp On Your Throat And Make It Look Pretty As Hell
It will never be remembered, but this weekend’s Barcelona-Celta Vigo match, which finished 6-1 thanks to a Luis Suárez hat trick, a collection of stunning and inventive instances of Lionel Messi’s trademark magic, and a single iconic moment when Barcelona’s three world-conquering forwards took the i...
You Should Be A Middle Reliever
Kanye West dropped a new album this weekend, and also tweeted a bunch of weird stuff about how much he is in debt....
Messi Trick PK Sets Up Suárez Hat Trick
Barcelona were so bored with a second-half ass-kicking of Celta that they executed a trick penalty, with Lionel Messi dumping off to a sprinting Luis Suárez—who completed his hat trick with the goal. Cheeky? Disrespectful? Hilarious? All of the above....
It's Just A Love Tap
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Jay Bilas Jinxes Buddy Hield, Kansas Takes Down Oklahoma Again
If you’re not a superstitious person, or you don’t believe in the basketball gods, this here’s a good argument for conversion. ...
Give Me An NBA One-On-One Tournament During The Boring, Low Energy All-Star Weekend, Or Give Me Death
The NBA’s All-Star Weekend isn’t very interesting anymore. Of the weekend’s three marquee events, only the Three-Point Contest is compelling. Creativity was drained from the Slam Dunk Contest years ago, and the All-Star Game is played with little more effort than I exert brushing my teeth. But there...
Conference Video Reveals Boise State-Colorado State Ending Botched By Bad Technology
Mountain West officials waved off James Webb’s would-be buzzer-beater because their replay technology counted time at double speed, a video released today by the conference reveals....
Jerry Jones Is The Reason The Rams Are In Los Angeles
The best thing you’ll read this week—and the most revealing look at the dynamics of the men who actually run the NFL I’ve read in years—is this ESPN The Magazine feature by Seth Wickersham and Don Van Natta Jr., a tick-tock of the gossip, the cajoling, the backroom deals, the conniving, and finally ...
Private Eyes Spook Parents Of Manning HGH Accuser In 9-1-1 Call; Broncos QB Admits Drugs Sent To House
The parents of a former Indianapolis anti-aging clinic employee who made hidden-camera accusations about Peyton Manning’s alleged HGH use called 9-1-1 after goons turned up on their doorstep seeking information about their pharmacist son, Charlie Sly....
Oh My God, A Chinese Club Just Bought Alex Teixeira For €50 Million
What is going on here???...
I'm Not Broke Anymore, And I'm Terrified
“I’m sorry, can you say that one more time?” That was my response to the recruiter who’d just revealed my new job’s salary. She repeated the offer, and though I wanted to shout my assent from the top of my lungs, I was in the middle of an empty coffee shop, plus I didn’t want to scare her off. Besid...
Isaiah Cousins Hits Late Jumper To Push Oklahoma Past LSU
Sooners superstar Buddy Hield scored 32, but it was teammate Isaiah Cousins who proved to be the Oklahoma hero as his jumper with four seconds left capped a 14-point comeback in Baton Rouge and downed the Tigers in the spotlight matchup of two of college basketball’s top players....
Lil' Texas A&M Fan Lets George Niang Have It
Texas A&M beat Iowa State this afternoon after ending the game on a 16-4 run. Cyclones star George Niang fouled out with 15 points, but was apparently too slow getting off the court for this lil’ fan....
Butler Forward Roosevelt Jones Drills Three-Quarter-Court Buzzer-Beater
Coming into today’s game at Marquette, Butler big man Roosevelt Jones had attempted 1,150 field goals. Three of those shots came from behind the three-point line, and zero went in. So be shocked that Jones’s attempt from three-quarter-court at the end of the half not only found the basket, but allow...
The Lakers Are Honoring Shaq With A Pretty Awesome Statue
The Los Angeles Lakers announced that they will be building a statue to honor Shaquille O’Neal, and it will be unveiled outside of their home arena some time during the 2016-2017 season. All we have to go on now is an artist’s rendering, but it’s a bad-ass looking concept:...
Oklahoma Is On Fire
Here’s the kind of team Oklahoma is: This afternoon, their leader Buddy Hield was struggling with foul trouble and putting forth an uncharacteristically loose performance against Baylor. The Bears were beginning to turn the corner on the Sooners, and had just tied it up at 41 with 17 minutes left. R...
Messi The Magician Gives Barça The Lead With Gorgeous Volley
Barcelona found themselves in a real battle today at Málaga, but it was the hero himself, Lionel Messi, who once again came through in the clutch as the Argentine brought Ray Hudson to yet another orgasmic climax with an unstoppable volley....
Premier League Dominates Ranking Of World's Richest Soccer Clubs
Everyone knows that the Premier League is the money-gettingest league in the world, but it’s always helpful to see that laid out in stark detail. Thankfully, we have the new Deloitte Football Money League report, which ranks the world’s clubs by revenue, to do that for us. Sure enough, the EPL is he...
Which Band Has Caused The Most Junior High Dance Boners?
Your letters:...
How Wile E. Coyote Explains The World
A joke has structure. It has a central rule. Setup, punchline. The setup produces a tensed, expectant state; the punchline resolves the tension with a surprise. If the elements of the joke are not arranged into a setup and a punchline, it is not a joke. It is just a statement....