one Page 311 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
We Can Only Imagine What The Parent-Teacher Conferences Are Like
Further proof that Texas is tougher than your state: Even the first-grade teachers are bad-ass. A couple of them engaged in fisticuffs at a youth basketball game on Saturday, leaving one bloody and bruised, and the other on the lam from police. No word yet on whether either of them is hot....
Cleveland Fans Rejoice, Suns Fans Weep. For Today, Anyway.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who blah, blah, blah-diddy-blah. Who cares, right? When he's not forcing you to read useless factoids about himself, he's doing it to a completely different set of readers at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Shaq has done the impossible. In only three short games, Th...
Justice Is Blind, Which Accounts For All The Typos
Finally, Barry Bonds has discovered an airtight defense for his upcoming trial on perjury and obstruction of justice charges. Typos! Yep, Bonds' lawyers on Thursday contended that, because the government filed court papers on their client that had at least two typos, that Barry should walk free. Hey...
Phoenix Suns Reveal First Attempts To Clone Shaq
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would use the power of Mighty Science to clone the pet turtle who died when he was 12, and probably Lynda Carter. When he's not fantasizing about a harem of Wonder Woman clones, he can be found manipulating DNA at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • You know, it's a...
About Last Night
What you missed while typing something you don't remember typing. Why, it was as if an occult hand had reached out and taken control of your keyboard ... • College basketball: Hoosiers circle the wagons, subdue Boilermakers. • Politicking: Obama win streak reaches 10; McCain cruises; Leitch a disapp...
All-Star Celeb Game Lacking Game, Celebs
If you missed the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game last night, it's probably because you have a life. Here's a quick recap:...
Braylon Edwards Honors Sean Taylor His Own Way
Today the NFL season officially ends with the annual Pro Bowl game in Honolulu. Its a day filled with Gonzo Friday-esque wardrobes, leis, coconuts, and, in this year's, hearfelt Sean Taylor tributes. Redskins reps Chris Cooley, Ethan Albright, and Chris Samuels will all be wearing Taylor's number 21...
Get Your Shaq Jersey (Plenty Of Time, Though)
A reader sent us this mock page from the Phoenix Suns' Web site, encouraging fans to buy the jersey Shaq will be wearing for the team for the next couple of years. That sounds about right....
Angry Shaq's Death Toll Currently Stands At One Shark, Maybe Shawn Bradley
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who once attended a Sports and Literature class with Brian Cardinal but still doesn't know whether Cardinal can actually read. When he's not bidding on game-used Kwame Brown NBA logos - listed as very rare!! - he can be found hiding from Shaq at Basketbawful...
A Signing Day For Everyone
Dan Shanoff, occasional college football columnist for Deadspin, reflects on college football's signing day today. Email him to let him know what you think....
Trying To Figure Out That Crazy Shaq-Suns Trade
It's pretty rare, in this sports world we all love, fear and hold dear, to find something that everyone agrees on. Unanimity of opinion is non-existent; we sometimes wonder if you held a poll saying, "Would you like to be punched in the face right now?" the margin would still have at least 0.001 pe...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while taking a break in your rubber room ... • College basketball: Boston College at North Carolina (7 p.m., ET); Indiana at Wisconsin (9 p.m., ET) [ESPN]; Providence at Notre Dame (7 p.m., ET); N.C. State at Duke (9 p.m., ET) [ESPN2]. Looks like I picked the wrong night to lose the re...
Colts Fans Have Absolutely No Cajones
Here's the situation: Four amounts left on the board on the game show Deal or No Deal (NFL Edition!). One is for $1 million, and the other three are for $10,000 or less. What amount does your case hold? George Barnes here can sell his case for $189,000 — but if he does, he'll lose out on the million...
The Most Excrutiating Office Conversations
We reach the midway section of Super Bowl Week, and this is just about the time when all the casual sports fans in your offices start noticing that there's a game Sunday. And that means you're about to sit through some really inane office chatter. The Sports Hernia compiles the best ones....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
An Athlete Magazine Goes Bankrupt. Really.
Overtime Magazine is a monthly — kind of — magazine devoted to "helping professional athletes manage their money." You know what that means: They're broke!...
Your Prayers For More Carlos Mencia Have Been Answered
When someone convinces Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas to reprise their Bob and Doug MacKenzie characters for a beer ad, that's when I'll get excited about a Super Bowl commercial. Until then we've got Carlos Mencia, who will be featured in a Bud Light Super Bowl spot this year. Hey, where's everybody ...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning for its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......