ones Page 119 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Cowboys Scoreboard Punter Drinking Game
You don't need a reason to drink this weekend, but you may need a reason to watch a 49ers-Cowboys preseason game that doesn't include "it was the only thing the sheriff would let me watch from the holding cell."...
Who Needs An Immigration Wall When You Have Chipper Jones?
The Atlanta Braves third baseman is an avid hunter and since his home rests on a tract of land near the Mexican border, he often encounters many of brave illegal immigrants stealthily en route to a better way of life....
Cowboys Stadium Offers Valuable Seating Behind This Brick Wall
We've already covered the new Cowboys Stadium's opulent luxury, from the $40 million scoreboard to the $60 pizzas. How about $75 seats where you can only see one-third of the playing field? Thank you, Jerry Jones for all your blessings!...
Moving Jerry's Big TV Wouldn't Be Cheap
According to Chris Mortensen's source with the Cowboys, raising the 72' high video screen would cost a minimum of $2 million (or 33,333 pizzas). No worries, Jerry Jones was already considering raising it to accommodate a U2 concert. [ESPN]...
Cowboys' Massive New Stadium Not Big Enough To Play Football In
Jerry Jones (and Texas taxpayers) spent $1.2 billion constructing an opulent state-of-the-art multi-use arena that's perfect for concerts, soccer matches, trade shows, Promise Keepers rallies, and even football games—provided that you don't allow either team to punt....
Chipper Jones' Death Ranch Claims Another Victim
A illegal immigrant was found dead on the Texas property owned by the Larry Jones family. (It's eight miles from the Rio Grande and 124 degrees. Do the math.) Unrelated: The Braves have hired new hitting coach Anton Chigurh. [Journal-Constitution]...
The Chosen One Isn't Perfect After All
Baseball messiah Bryce Harper was the big draw at Sunday's Aflac All-America Game in San Diego, where he performed the miracle of turning five at-bats into five outs....
Guest Editor Intro: I Am Delusional and I Hate Winners
Good morning, sports fans. You are looking LIVE at—well, at a post I wrote yesterday and put in the can in advance....
Not A Game, We Talking 'Bout Malpractice
Tebucky Jones plans to sue New England's team doctors for misdiagnosing his injuries and ending his career. The Mets' class-action suit is still collecting plaintiffs. [NESN]...
CFL Lineman Sacks Purse Snatcher On Streets Of Edmonton
Because we all need to believe in the power of sport again, here's a story involving an athlete that has a happy ending. If reading about a thief get crunched by a professional football player makes you happy, that is....
A Funnier, Less Pottymouthed Pacman Making It Rain Video
It really shouldn't have taken this long for this to be made. But I think we're all glad it was....
Adam Jones "Makin' It Rain": The Video (NSFW)
We compared the Las Vegas Journal Review's massive feature on the Minxx strip club incident to the Warren Report, but now we finally have the Zapruder Film. Video (that's probably not safe work) of Adam "Pacman" Jones making it rain....
The "Pacman" Jones Strip Club Shooting Gets Its Warren Report
The Las Vegas Review-Journal has launched a massive three-part investigation into the strip club incident that cost Adam Jones a year of football and another man his ability to walk. Oh, the things we have seen .......
$1.5 Billion Doesn't Go As Far As You Think
Martellus Bennett takes you on an informative and possibly racist (just against the Chinese, though) tour of the new Cowboys stadium. Hope you like $14 BBQ sandwiches, Dallas fans! Someone has to pay for those video screens. [MartyBTV]...
The Chosen One Chooses Junior College
Chosen Person Bryce Harper, a rising high school junior, has elected to skip his last two years of high school, get his GED and matriculate at the College of Southern Nevada. Cue the Doogie Howser song....
Joe Buck Will Slay You
You guys getting pumped for HBO's Joe Buck Dry Humor And Sporting Chit-Chat Hour? No? How about if I told you the topic of the first show? "Celebrities in Sports — Fans blur the line between celebrities and atheletes." Sic!...
Tracking Bryce Harper's Moonshot
Sports Illustrated claims that Chosen Person Bryce Harper, as a 15-year-old, hit a 570-foot home run in Las Vegas, an anecdote that is equal parts Sidd Finch, Paul Bunyan and Jesus. And I'll be damned: It just might be true....
<em>Sports Illustrated</em>'s Many, Many Chosen Ones
Here's the cover of the new Sports Illustrated, in which 16-year-old Bryce Harper is declared the "Chosen One." Sound familiar? It should....
Dallas Cowboys Get What They Want, When They Want It
Irving, Texas, officials possibly suspect that the Cowboy's practice bubble that collapsed last month may have lacked some structure integrity. (Ya think?) They're fairly confident, however, that anyone other than the Cowboys would never have been allowed to build it....
One Cowboys' Scouting Assistant Paralyzed Due To Practice Facility Collapse
Two other staffers also required surgery to mend their broken body parts. Jerry Jones was reported to be "somber" after hearing the news. [AP/LA Times]...