open Page 92 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Open Caption: Yep, That's An Oscar Mayer Wiener
"An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashed into the home and outdoor deck. The vehicle was parked in the driveway. The driver lurched the vehicle forward instead of backing out of the driveway, hitting the deck and cracking the house's foundation." [Strib]...
Tiger Woods To Miss The Cut At British Open
Woods had two double bogeys on the back nine to finish +5, but the projected cut is 4-over. Only his second missed cut at major since turning pro. Old Tom Watson somehow still tied for the lead. [Open Championship]...
Angry Scotsmen Overshadow Actual Golf At British Open
We've got all eyes on Tiger and a 17-year-old phenom, and we've got Tom Watson nearly shooting his age. But what the British Open really needed was a good catfight....
In Which We Attempt To Translate British Journalism
If the English language isn't yet universal, then the verse of sports should be. I've never understood, then, why it is that I can't comprehend a word of 19th-century British newspapers....
Tom Watson And His New Eyes Take Early Lead At British Open
Watson shot a 65 in the first round. Others in contention include Mark O'Meara and Mark Calcavecchia. No, you didn't accidentally get sucked into a wormhole. [Fanhouse]...
F—k Your Stupid Life Event: A Guide To Gift Giving
I hate buying gifts. I hate shopping for them, even online, which requires only that I click a mouse a few times, maybe fill out your address. NO TIME FOR THAT SHIT....
Phil Mickelson Ruined Mike Lupica's U.S. Open
Many in sports media have seen New York Daily News writer Mike Lupica's arrogant-little-sonuvabitch-side firsthand, but never has there been a Lupica story that encapsulates the tiny prick's hubris than the one Patrick Sauer witnessed during the U.S. Open....
Spaniards. Yankees. Open Thread.(And The US Is Winning... Won?)
YELL-type or blow that South African bugle or whatever it is you do when important soccer matches are on. Please tell me which soccer locales are live blogging this bitch and I'll add them here too. Cross-cum-shot? [ESPN/UnprofessionalFoul]...
This Is How You Know The U.S. Open Didn't End The Way Most People Wanted It To
Seconds after Lucas Glover snatched his wife into a victorious embrace, we received three emails from readers with screengrabs of her pit sweat. I'm surprised Dan Jenkins didn't Twitter about it....
Lucas Glover Wins The U.S. Open
It's all over, folks. Glover holds on to win a messy five-day U.S. Open. More below:...
U.S. Open Should Begin Any Day Now
After four days of interminable, Noah's Ark-like rain, it's my understanding that the US Open golf thingy will actually start sometime today. Oh, they already started—and stopped—the fourth round in the darkness last night? How lucky....
The U.S. Open At Bethpage Black, Sponsored By Happy Gilmore
The New York galleries are so lively, we've heard all week. They're great for golf, and the players love it! Turns out, it's all just a euphemism for "New Yorkers like to get tanked and heckle Tiger Woods."...
Let's All Jump Into Puddles
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Barnes Bears Down At Bethpage
Former US Amateur champion and University of Arizona star Ricky Barnes set the 36 hole US Open scoring record at -8 following the second round 65 he completed in this morning's favorable conditions....
ESPNUSGA Could Really Use Some Comment Ninjas....
Mickelson, right now, is tied for 5th at -1. Tiger went astray. Peter Hanson is in the lead...[USOPEN.com]...
It's U.S. Open Week And Everyone Needs Takeouts, So...
...let's write about how hard putting is. That hacker on your local muni, the one with the yips? Not so different from the winner at Bethpage Black, if they ever play. They worry about words like joule, though. [WSJ]...
The U.S. Open Is Open For Business
You were probably hoping that following the U.S. Open online would be a nice distraction from work today, but they just suspended play due to heavy rain. Hey, who wants to hear Tiger Woods cuss on teevee?...
Someone Likes Vijay's Swing
The New York Times: "Then someone yelled at Vijay Singh on the third green, complimenting his posterior in bold, succinct language." Is this Times-speak for "nice ass"? [NYT]...
French Open Idiot Has Done This Many, Many Times Before
The man's name is "Jimmy Jump" and he fancies himself some sort of professional shit-stirrer at sporting events. He has his own website, actually and solicits donations from people to help support his "funny antics." [Jimmy Jump (HT:Bill R)]...
Barca Loon Attempts To Rattle Federer With Annoying Flag-To-The-Face Taunt
During the second set of the French Open, Roger Federer was hassled by a person waving a Barcelona flag, who somehow managed to make his way onto the Roland Garros court and get all up in Federer's face....