open Page 95 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Even The Little Girls In China Are CGI-Enhanced
Many flabbergasted-sounding news stories were released about China's fakery during the peyote-inspired opening ceremonies from Friday in which it appeared for a short period of time that the whole city of Beijing had been outlined with enough pretty explosives to knock down wandering defense satelli...
For Those Of You Who Can't Wait Until Tonight To See The Chinese People Go Crazy With The Fireworks
Here's a quick video montage of the opening ceremonies at the Beijing Olympics from this morning (last night? what time is it?) and it's quite as impressive and terrifying as reported: fireworks that resemble a mushroom cloud, flying Chinese fairy children, more fireworks, light displays, FIREWORKS...
Gigantic AT&T Logo Of Doom Rings In Olympic Games
Look, coming out of the floor ... it's the Death Star! Aiieee! It all began in Nov., 2005, when China rolled out its nightmare-inducing Olympic mascots, which may or may not include a two-footed goat. And now it culminates in an orgasm of pomp, color and spectacle — like Walt Disney throwing up, as ...
Whoever Wins, They'll Still Love Each Other
The Yankees and Red Sox are ready to go in Fenway and Joe Buck's pants are tightening in anticipation. New York is rolling through July, having won seven straight after last night's series opening win. Andy Petitte and Tim Wakefield will be on the mound and Manny Ramirez is back in Boston's lineup ...
Chris Evert And Greg Norman Are Just Two Old Horndogs Lovin' Life
Yesterday's British Open didn't have the storybook ending Greg Norman probably would've hoped for, but two people that were probably thrilled Norman faltered in the final round yesterday were his ex-wife and current wife Chris Evert's ex-husband. Although rumors about a passionate affair between the...
In The End, Joey Harrington's Distant Cousin Triumphs
All weekend the world was talking about Greg Norman's resurgence, briefly forgetting what he normally does on Sunday. (Fortunately, he reminded us almost immediately.) Then for about 10 minutes the hot golfer was Britain's Ian Poulter. Even for a split second, Jim Furyk's finish of +10 might have be...
The Normans Have Invaded England Yet Again
Not since 1066 has England been this shocked of a Norman ruling their empire. Greg Norman, winner of the '86 and '93 Opens, is the clubhouse leader after 54 holes with 2-over-par. He was a half-inch from finishing the 18th hole with a chip-in and another few inches from an eagle on 17. A couple more...
British Open Update: Nobody's under par, either overall or today. David Duval and Jean Van de Velde are both +10 for the round, and they're still not done scrambling around the green. The lead is a healthy +2, shared by four men including Greg Norman. 2003 Open champion Ben Curtis, at +7, made up a ...
Greg Norman Owns the British Open...Your Mom's Heart
Right now Norman's the leader at even par. Of course in 1986 Greg Norman won the "Saturday Slam" by leading all four major tournaments with one day to play. He only managed to win the British Open. He's also the only golfer to have lost a playoff at all four majors. I guess what I'm saying is, Greg ...
British Open co-leader? Rocco F'in Mediate
Fresh off his one-stroke 18 hole playoff loss to Tiger, the man, the myth, the legend, Rocco Mediate clocked in his first round at -1. So if you had a dream that man boobs were going to own the British Open and you rushed to Vegas to lay your money on Phil, you picked the wrong tits....
Phil Mickelson and John Daly Might As Well Go Get Wasted in a Pub
Rolling into the British Open Phil Mickelson was optimistic this could be his year. By 10:30 eastern, we knew that wasn't the case. The Hefty Left swung his manboobs from one side of the fairway to the other on his way to a robust 79. At least he didn't waste any time taking himself out of competiti...
British Open Preview: Living In A World Without Tigers
This year, please welcome back Shane Bacon, golfing bon vivant from Dogs That Chase Cars, as he gives us a fantastic preview to this year's British Open. It can still be interesting without Tiger. Right?...
John Daly and Butch Harmon in Catfight on Eve of British Open
After swing coach Butch Harmon said Daly was more interested in drinking and having a good time than he was in being a good golfer. Daly, who is more interested in drinking and having a good time than being a good golfer, took offense. Now he's finally firing back from England. Sort of....
Jean Van de Velde Qualifies for British Open
Van de Velde, who memorably choked away the 1999 British Open with a triple bogey, was one of four golfers to qualify for next week's British Open. Even better for Van de Velde, he birdied the 18th hole to qualify....
San Francisco Columnist Condemns Tiger's Idiocracy
Maybe it was time for one writer to stop slobbering over Tiger Woods' U.S. Open victory, but San Franciso Gate columnist Gwen Knapp appears to have gone a little overboard with her contrarianism. In her column titled " A golfing genius takes a dumb step", Knapp just levels Eldrick for his outright s...
The Most Disappointing Tiger Woods Victory In History
The seventh hole of Torrey Pines decided the fate of Rocco Mediate. Rocco said before the hole, "They wanted a show, they got a show." Indeed. It seemed before today's round, most of the experts were giving Rocco about as much a shot at beating Tiger as Matt Lauer. He proved everybody wrong....
After 18 Holes, It's Now Sudden Death At The U.S. Open
"You are watching one of the greatest U.S. Open championships in history..."...
You Are Missing Some Serious, Serious Golf Drama
Rocco Mediate somehow managed to overcome a seemingly impossible three-stroke deficit on Tiger. Then it was two. Then it was one. Then... it was tied....
Rocco Cuts Into Lead, Still Nobody Seems To Think He Has Any Shot
As they approached the 12th hole at Torrey Pines, Johnny Miller and Dan Hicks appeared down on Rocco's chances. He'd lost a shot on ten, gained it back on 11, but, still, seems completely out of this thing down by two shots with six to go against Tiger....
Tiger Up By Two, Rocco Swats At Imaginary Vultures Circling Him
Broadcast switch. ESPN retires its coverage for the day and turns it over to Bob Costas at NBC who sounds very, very serious, saying that "Rocco Mediate's Cinderella story is in jeopardy." He's speaking in hushed tones, like he's in a confessional or explaining death to a small child. He has not cal...