out Page 107 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arsenal Take 1-0 Lead On "X-Rated" "Horror Story"
Arsenal took an early 1-0 lead on Bournemouth thanks to Steve Cook’s massive boner that Ian Darke called “X-rated”:...
Cristiano Ronaldo Gave A Truly Moving Speech After Winning Euro 2016
Literally nothing bad to say about this. Cristiano Ronaldo did a legitimately cool thing. I’m as shocked as you....
Ways To Die That Are More Awful Than Dissolving In A Scalding Acid Bath, Ranked
A tourist who fancied a bath in one of Yellowstone National Park’s many geothermal pools slipped while attempting to gauge the temperature of the broth, fell into what turned out to be a deadly near-boiling acid bath, and dissolved. That is about the most metal thing I can imagine, but also he is ex...
U.S. Soccer Still Needs Jurgen Klinsmann, But Maybe Not As Manager
We’ve been here before. Another disappointing USMNT loss, this time an especially egregious pants-shitting at Costa Rica, more tactical madness and puzzling formation choices, more hints of behind-the-scenes acrimony, and again, more calls for Jurgen Klinsmann’s job. None of that is new. What is dif...
Repent, For The Mongoose Horde Is Nigh
Stay away from open windows. Lock your doors. The mongoose legion approaches. There will be no survivors....
Coutinho Dunked On Argentina's Head
As anyone familiar with the English Premier League or Brazil’s national team knows that Phillipe Coutinho is wont to try and bang in a long range golazo if you give him so much as an inch of space. That’s exactly what he did this evening against Argentina in a World Cup qualifier, slipping off of Ja...
President Obama Notes That The Warriors Blew A 3-1 Lead In The Finals
In these, the precious final days before the title of Leader of the Free World is officially handed over to an unhinged megalomaniacal trash TV star, it is important to treasure the relatively good times we have today. To help us at least temporarily forget about this lost world we find ourselves in...
The Melbourne Cup Is Decadent And Depraved
You may have read Hunter S. Thompson’s famous article recounting the rampant debauchery at the Kentucky Derby and thought you’d glimpsed the true, beating heart of insane white people shit. But you’d have been mistaken. It’s not until you see these photos of the Melbourne Cup, Australia’s most drunk...
Happy Halloween!
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Oakland A's Get Very Defensive When Reasonably Critiqued By Smash Mouth
Two months after trading away Coco Crisp, the Oakland A’s spent the evening at home watching him play World Series hero with a pinch-hit single to score the winning run for Cleveland. Being only human—having a social media presence maintained by humans, at least—they then exhibited the very human be...
Bill Murray Sings "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" In His Own Unique Manner
Boy, Bill Murray’s really enjoying himself tonight, eh? We don’t know what’s up with the Daffy Duck bit, but we’re sure someone will have an answer down in the comments....
Smash Mouth Love Trent Baalke, Hate Chip Kelly
Smash Mouth—the house band from hit 2001 film Shrek—are prominent, prolific Twitter users who are unafraid to go to the mattresses to correct the record if you spread falsehoods online. The San Jose, Calif. natives are also, as it turns out, big 49ers fans who count themselves among the ever-dwindli...
Youth Football Coach Lets Adult Play In Game, Gets Fired
The Rhode Island Pre-Teen Football League kicked out one of its teams after the coach reportedly allowed an adult to play in a game this weekend....
Today's Internet Outage Looks Like A Giant Dong
Internet outages are penetrating the coasts today after hackers orchestrated a DDoS attack on the servers of Dyn, a domain name hosting service. It’s also a huge dick. Nice....
Is Eric Trump A Lemonade Thief?
The latest scandal out of Donald Trump’s campaign: Possible lemonade theft. It appears that Eric Trump, one of his five children, put lemonade in a water cup at an In-N-Out burger, which the restaurant frowns upon....
The AFC South Is This Year's Poop Division
It’s my favorite time of the year! That time when the leaves start changing, the air gets crisp, and we all get to point at one division in the NFL and say, “Holy shit! All those teams are ass!”...
Norwegian Soccer Commentators Shocked And Horrified By San Marino Equalizer
The unabashed homers on Norwegian TV reasonably expected a comfortable win against little ol’ San Marino in Norway’s World Cup qualifier on Tuesday. Instead of getting to channel their inner Elated Tiziano Crudeli, they were forced into Distraught Tiziano Crudeli mode when San Marino tied the game a...
Two Soccer Guys Take Showboating To Whole New Level By Dabbing In Middle Of Game
The post-goal dab celebration is nearly ubiquitous on soccer pitches the world over. Langelihle Ndlovu and Pule Mmodi, members of the Free State Stars’ reserve team in South Africa, took it up a notch by each deciding to hit the dab during open play, an in-your-face effrontery that even Neymar would...
Yale Apologizes For "Dehumanizing Images Of Redface" In Football Program
Yale and Dartmouth played their 100th football game against each other this weekend. Yale won, 21-13, for their first win of the season, but the historic victory was overshadowed by their own efforts to commemorate and honor the rivalry. Yale printed out special programs for the game, which were ado...
Will Muschamp Is Bleeding For Some Reason
South Carolina’s losing to Georgia, and head coach Will Muschamp has blood on his face. It appears to be his....