out Page 97 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Let's Remember Some Guys: Random Cards Mailed To Our Office Edition
The internet is lonesome and atomizing and weird, which is strange when you consider that Bringing People Together is the one aspect of its ostensible promise that is unquestionably a success. It’s probably not the internet’s fault that, having been brought together, everyone just immediately starte...
MMA Fighter Ends Main Event In Nine Seconds With One-Punch Knockout
Kyoji Horiguchi and Ian McCall headlined this weekend’s Rizin 10 in Fukuoka, Japan, and the two former UFC flyweight contenders put on a highlight-dense fight, in that there was one highlight and it took up the entire fight. Horiguchi unhooked McCall’s jaw in five seconds on the first punch he threw...
GGG Is Back To Obliterating His Opponents
Gennady Golovkin destroyed Vanes Martirosyan tonight in California, knocking out the Armenian-American in the second round and leading us all to wonder if anyone will ever beat the Kazakh superstar....
Mets Finally, Fully Break Up With Matt Harvey
Baseball is difficult and contingent and deeply cruel under the best of circumstances, and playing baseball for the New York Mets is not the best of circumstances. It is a big-league job and pays commensurately, and when things are going well it comes with a gaudy suite of perks and sweeteners, but ...
Exasperated Lacrosse Coach Emails Parents: "Most Of Our Team Focuses On The Fortnight Video Game Instead"
Find a kid with a tablet or computer these days, and chances are they’re watching or playing Fortnite. The online video game in which players build stairs and walls and then shoot each other has spread like a virus, and it’s derailed at least one boys lacrosse team, to the point where the coach sen...
How The Cold Can Destroy Your Mind And Your Body
Today’s column is about freezing to death....
The NRA Got Mad About Coolers And Now People Are Shooting Coolers<em></em>
If you’ve spent any time in an REI or around outdoor enthusiasts of a certain economic stratum in the past several years, you have almost certainly encountered a YETI Coolers product. Their coolers are blocky, unconscionably heavy boxes that prevent ice from coming anywhere near melting, and they co...
Gronkowski Deals With "Minor Setback"; Status Unknown
Sure, it’s racing horse Gronkowski, named after the Patriots tight end who recently purchased a minority stake in the colt. But still, could you imagine?...
High School Baseball Coach Swears He Was Powerless To Prevent His Team From Winning 82-0
This Massachusetts high school baseball game happened last week, but the central story—trying really hard to let someone else have what should be best for them, only to watch them fuck it all up—is timeless. Old Rochester defeated Notre Dame Cristo Rey by a score of a 82-0 (eighty-two! a baseball ga...
Oh My God, Arsène Wenger Is Finally Out
After 22 years at Arsenal’s helm, and less than a week after Arsenal’s latest embarrassing defeat—a 2-1 loss to Newcastle—beloved but increasingly beleaguered manager Arsène Wenger has announced he will leave the club at the end of the season, one year before his contract is set to expire. He said:...
Report: New Hampshire Youth Baseball Coaches Planned To Bean Their League's Lone Girl Player Into Quitting
In another hideous example of adults and men being absolute shit, the father of a New Hampshire youth baseball player says two coaches in his daughter’s league conspired to have her beaned so that she would quit the league, according to a Foster’s Daily Democrat report:...
Shohei Ohtani, Like All Of Us, Wants The Angels To Play Him More
Shohei Ohtani is the best thing to happen in this MLB season so far. Not only is the dual pitching/hitting threat trying out a regular routine that’s essentially never been seen by any living baseball fan, he’s also succeeding at it. In an obviously small sample size, Ohtani is hitting .364 and thro...
Check Out Branch Rickey's Early Scouting Reports For Hall Of Famers
Branch Rickey, who is best known for signing Jackie Robinson to the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1945, spent decades of his post-playing career evaluating baseball talent. He instituted the first minor league farm system (an innovation born of out of a desire to lock up top talent for cheap) and encouraged t...
14 Dead In Canadian Junior Hockey Team Bus Accident
Friday night the Humboldt Broncos, a Canadian junior league hockey team, were on their way to a semi-final game in Western Canada when the team bus was involved in a highway collision that caused 14 fatalities, the bulk of which may have come from among the players and coaches of the team....
Korean Basketball League's New Rule Makes Some Foreign Players Too Tall To Play
David Simon, a 35-year-old Anyang KGC center, has been playing overseas for more than a decade now, but a new rule means he’ll have to find a team in another country. He’s now too tall for the Korean Basketball League. ...
Yankees Fans Incessantly Boo Giancarlo Stanton After New Arrival Records Platinum Sombrero
Reigning National League MVP Giancarlo Stanton is already a persona non grata in the Bronx as Yankees fans reacted to the slugger’s five-strikeout day against the Rays with a chorus of boos....
How To Survive Backpacking In The Wilderness
Despite the parade of nor’easters that have recently struck the East Coast, spring has officially arrived, and with it comes the promise of camping and backpacking trips. But before you set out on your first backpacking trip of the season, let’s review the gear you should be packing and what conditi...
MMA Guy Apologizes For Celebrating Bizarre KO With Front Flip Off Opponent's Body
The knockout you are about to watch was weird as hell, and yet somehow it was just a prelude to something significantly weirder. Here we have Irvins Ayala sweeping Drew Chatman to the mat, walloping his head with a hammer fist, then somehow accidentally knocking himself out after crashing his face i...
It Only Takes One Person To Raise The Volume In A Restaurant
Don’t let it be you....