ow Page 1103 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your Shocking Super Bowl Champion New York Giants
OK, we could watch football for the next 20 years, and we're not sure we'd ever see a play as amazing and improbable and insane and ridiculous and surreal and let's-face-it-gang batshit crazy as watching Eli Manning escape that sack and David Tyree make that catch. And then Manning finds Plaxico ....
Super Bowl XLII Fourth Quarter Live Blog
Ten total points in this game. Ten. Farking TEN POINTS. But it's close, and when it comes to neutral fans, a close game is all one can ask for at this stage of the game. Follow the season's final 15 minutes after the jump....
Super Bowl XLII Third Quarter Live Blog
Tom Brady had moments of happiness between moments of being crunched into the ground. The slim 7-3 lead is not safe by any means, the way this thing's going. Let's see what happens in the third quarter, shall we?...
Super Bowl XLII Second Quarter Live Blog
Well, that was fast. Let's do another quarter, just like the other one. The score is Giants 3, Patriots 0, and I'll go out on a limb that because the game isn't being played in the 1940s, the lead and score won't hold....
Super Bowl XLII First Quarter Live Blog
This game has been tied for two weeks. Christ, somebody score already. Follow the first quarter football happenings and corporate marketing snippets after the jump....
Stretch Your Legs, It's Almost Here
So what's gonna happen is in exactly two hours we'll begin the live blog celebrations. This will give me ample time to nap, eat, and ... wow, there's been a Frosted Flake in my beard all this time, and nobody told me!...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while asking the referee for his phone number ... • 6:17 p.m. — Super Bowl XLII: Pittsburgh Steelers at Dallas Cowboys. (Just seeing who really reads these.) [FOX] Alternative Super Bowl Programming • 6: p.m. — My Big Breasts And Me. "Three women openly discuss the negative impact thei...
Robert Z. Nemeth Doesn't Care About Oddly Shaped Balls
Know what's great? (Besides those Jimmy Dean microwaveable breakfast sandwiches. Mmm mmm. I'm not actually sure why I brought this up, it's really a tangential point to the entire post.) Opinion columns written by old men who complain about everything. Enter the fray, Robert Z. Nemeth, about how foo...
Which Patriots Video Is Scarier?
With little on TV, it's time to partake in some of the Internet's finest available video pertaining to those with hard stances on the New England Patriots. Ahead of you are two videos of the Tube Belonging To You variety — one taking the "for" and one taking the extreme "against." It's a toss up as ...
FedEx Wants All Hungover Employees At Work Tomorrow
Until those diligent slackers get the day after Super Bowl turned into a national holiday, we the working class must continue to roll into to work on Monday, somehow, some way. Don't bother calling in sick — it doesn't work....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Michael Vick's dogs learn to love again... • 6 p.m. - 6 a.m. — Super Bowl Highlights marathon, leading you right into the Mike and Mike in the Morning special. Why even bother sleeping? [ESPN2] • 8 p.m. — Movie: National Lampoon's Van Wilder. An original idea by National Lampoon abo...
These Patriots Scandals Keep Getting Lamer
Well, I'm sure it's just a coincidence that we're now hearing about the time the New England Patriots might have taped their opponents' practice right before Super Bowl XXXVI....
Don't Take Joe Montana's Picture, He Thinks It Steals Your Soul
The legendary Joe Montana has to be a little antsy this weekend. The 49ers don't get an early first round draft pick. He's got people covering his shift at his diner. And if Tom Brady wins a fourth Super Bowl ring and third Super Bowl MVP, it'll tie Joe Cool on both counts....
Senator Asks NFL To Recognize Additional Team For Mercury Morris To Taunt
Every current NFL city has at least played in or hosted a Super Bowl, with the exception of ... you guessed it, Cleveland. So I guess there's no reason to discuss them at hahaha I had you going there for a second....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while your car is getting its million-mile checkup ... • Boxing: Featherweights, Monty "The Pacifist" Meza-Clay vs. Eric "My Head Is" Aiken, at Monroeville, Pa., (9 p.m., ET) [ESPN2] • NBA: Utah Jazz at Washington Wizards (8 p.m., ET); New York at Portland (10:30 p.m., ET). The Knick's...
Super Bowl Pants Party: Patriots Vs. Giants
After a week of drivel so repetitive that we were reduced to writing this, we finally land, inevitably, on the game itself. Whew. That took forever....
Who's Sorry Now? Fat Guy Edition
In possibly the biggest apology in soccer history (until the LA Galaxy gets around to explaining the whole Beckham thing), Diego Maradona has apparently admitted that it was his hand — not God's — that pushed home Argentina's game-turning goal against England in the 1986 World Cup. Of course, the fa...
Tom Brady Will Be Well Coiffed On Sunday
The big Super Bowl question concerning Tom Brady isn't "Is he injured?", but rather "Will he have his nails done?" One can bet that the answer is affirmative, as word has leaked that the Patriots' quarterback will have his own hair stylist on hand in Glendale this weekend. They're calling him a barb...