ow Page 1155 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Gomer points the mortar at Sergeant Carter's crotch ... • NFL: New England at Minnesota. Doh! We forgot the key to the Metrodome. Can somebody climb in a window? [ESPN] • NHL: Chicago at Philadelphia. The only way this could be better is if the Hanson Brothers were playing. [Versus]...
To Watch Tonight...
• College Football: UConn @ Rutgers. The USC loss really opens up Rutgers' path to a national title. 8:00, ESPN. • MLS: Club Deportivo Chivas USA @ Houston Dynamo. Hey, I think the MLS playoffs have started. 8:00, Fox Soccer. • NFL: Dallas Cowboys @ Carolina Panthers. You'll want to see the beginnin...
To Watch Tonight...
• College Football: Texas @ Texas Tech. Said Texas center Lyle Sendlein of the atmosphere in Lubbock, "You get things thrown at you that you never thought could sail through the air." In that case, I want to see a fire extinguisher. 7:00, TBS. • MLS: Chicago Fire @ New England Revolution. Ah, screw ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as North Korean nuke tests awaken Godzilla ... • College football: Texas-El Paso at Tulsa. Hurricanes who won't swing a helmet at you. We hope. [ESPN2] • Major League Baseball: World Series Game 5, Detroit at St. Louis. Come see the gigantic, green Slip 'N Slide. [Fox] • NBA: Preseason...
Twenty Four Years Isn't 1918 or 1908 ... But It's A Pretty Long Time
In 1982, we were six years old — we turned seven during the World Series — and could care less about baseball. The principal once called our parents because he thought it was weird that we were reading "Mom, The Wolfman and Me" during recess instead of playing kickball. (And that factoid, surely, wi...
Who's Sorry Now?
It's been quite a year so far for youth football, hasn't it? Spectators being mistaken for terrorists, police officers tasering rambunctious fans ... one concerned parent even pulled a gun on a coach. Compared to that, the following may not seem like much, except for the heartfelt, tearful apologi...
Would You Like Claws With That?
Todd Haley is the receivers coach for the Dallas Cowboys, which means, as is, his life is pretty much terrible. He also doesn't have much time to cook, since he apparently only takes his family out for McDonald's. That's bad enough, but even worse when they McSalad has a huge freaking rat in it....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as your other appliances secretly plot to destroy you ... • College football: Clemson at Virginia Tech. You know what happens whenever these two teams tangle (seriously, please let us know, we have no idea). [ESPN] • Major League Baseball: World Series, Game 4, Detroit at St. Louis. Bu...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Shaq breaks down your door in search of pirated DVDs ... • World Series: Game 4, Detroit at St. Louis. If we rush the field, please shoot us. [Fox] • NBA: Preseason, Houston at Miami. Heat warm up for the phoning in of the 2006-07 season. [ESPN] • NHL: Panthers at Rangers. Van Ryn's...
To Watch Tonight
What to change the channel to when you notice Yosemite Sam switching to armor-piercing bullets ... • Major League Baseball: World Series, Game 3, Detroit at St. Louis. Six NFL teams will be mathematically eliminated before we're done with baseball. [Fox] • NHL: New Jersey at Pittsburgh. Will it be M...
Time's Running Out To Get Your Dork Costume
As Halloween approaches, and you think about your costumes and their potential offensiveness or lack thereof — tips: Buck O'Neill, OK; Cory Lidle, not so much — we'd like to direct you to this fellow, who two years ago dressed up as a hardcore Celtics defensive enthusiast, a persona now commandeered...
That'll Be All, Bill
You know, it's funny: The Dallas Cowboys' season appears to be disintegrating, and even though Terrell Owens had to go so far as to try to kill himself to derail the team, he seems to be the least of their problems....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while waiting for your Mark Foley action figure to arrive in the mail ... • NFL: New York Giants at Dallas. Seismologists predict Terrell Owens could blow at any minute. [ESPN] • NHL: Buffalo at Montreal. Any way you look at it, it's gonna be cold. [Versus] • Boxing: The Contender. We'...
To Watch Tonight...
• College Football. South Florida Bulls @ Cincinnati Bearcats. No, wait. It's gotta be your bull. 8:00, ESPN. • Movie. Through the Fire. In a few months, they'll release the Platinum edition on DVD, which will include coverage of the Fabolous hit. 8:00, ESPN Classic. • Reality. Dalls Cowboys Cheerle...
To Watch Tonight...
• MLB World Series. St. Louis Cardinals @ Detroit Tigers, Game 1. I hope the Tigers can borrow the Pistons PA announcer for a few games. 7:30, Fox. • College Football: Georgia Tech @ Clemson. I wonder if they'll mention this guy. 7:45, ESPN. • College Football: Southern Mississippi @ Virginia Tech. ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as militant squirrels stage a coup to liberate your nuts ... • College football: West Virginia at Connecticut. UConn has a football team? We mean, UConn has a football team! [ESPN] • Golf: Champions Tour, AT&T Championship, first round, at San Antonio. Please set all cell phones to "vi...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as The Cat In The Hat makes a mockery of your housecleaning efforts ... • MLB: National League Championship Series, Game 7, St. Louis at New York Mets. We'll be hablaing some espanol with Lou Piniella as we watch. [Fox] • College football: North Carolina at Virginia. With 10 losses bet...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as the heat from your birthday candles cause the terror index to go from yellow to orange ... • College football: Louisiana-Lafayette at Florida Atlantic. You come into the FA, you should get your behind kicked. Why don't they just meet outside in the tunnel after the ballgame and get ...
You Don't Like Your Team As Much As Browns Fans Do
This is old, but we hadn't seen it: Some magazine or something ranked all 32 NFL teams on their fan loyalty. We like little lists like this, but we're kind of Tourettic....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as a drunken, ranting Dennis Green drives his car onto your front lawn, is ejected and falls asleep under your hedge ... • MLB: National League Championship Series, New York Mets at St. Louis, Game 5. It's 2-2, it's raining ... let's call it a draw and resume in April. [Fox] • NHL: Phi...