ow Page 381 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Maybe The 49ers Are Good <i>And </i>The Browns Are Bad
The Cleveland Browns’ dewy preseason vainglory wouldn’t be especially bothersome had it not (a) convinced people that sucking for a long time is shrewd and reasonable; and (b) compelled whoever’s in charge to slot the Browns in four primetime games this season. Monday night, the joke was on them. Th...
Stephen A. Smith Pauses Between Bootlicks To Tell Daryl Morey To Grow Up
Ahead of his radio program this afternoon, Stephen A. Smith clearly thought long and hard about Daryl Morey’s tweet supporting Hong Kong protestors, the ensuing controversy and Morey’s subsequent backtracking, and the large-scale implications of all of the above on relationships between China and U....
Terry Bradshaw Spills Coffee During Halftime Highlights, Makes A Big Ol' Mess
Folksy goofus Terry Bradshaw was doing a highlight read during halftime of the Vikings-Giants game when he managed to spill coffee all over the tablet of fellow host Curt Menefee, like a big clumsy boob....
Well This Was Predictable
Right on cue, the quarterback that Jets coach Adam Gase only let have one full practice with the first team has already committed a laughable mistake. New York decided to go for it on a 4th-and-1 in the first quarter, but rather than running it with one of the league’s best running backs, the team d...
If You Like Punting, You'll Love Iowa-Michigan
For a Power 5 team in a rut, playing Rutgers can have the equivalent effect of a hangover cure or some kind of miracle exfoliant. Michigan, following a wounding loss to Wisconsin, dismantled the Scarlet Knights so unsparingly last week that Rutgers fired their head coach and replaced him with, I thi...
Big Boy Auburn Defender Rumbles Until He Tumbles After Recovering Fumble
In the dying embers of the first quarter of Auburn-Florida, Gators quarterback Kyle Trask lost the football and it landed straight into the arms of 6-foot-5, 315 lb. defensive tackle Derrick Brown. It didn’t matter that he’s not the type of player whose body type screams “speedster.” Thanks to some ...
Kent State Investigates Kent State For Title IX Violations, Finds None
Kent State’s Office of Compliance, Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action announced on Friday that it found no violation of Title IX, or evidence of any sort of gender bias, from the school when officials shut down a game of field hockey the school was hosting for the football team’s pregame firew...
Oklahoma Punts On Fourth-And-Goal? From The 44-Yard Line? Against Kansas?
*Record scratch* *Freeze frame* Yup, that’s Oklahoma. So, you’re probably wondering how they ended up punting from fourth-and-goal at Kansas’s 44-yard line late in the second quarter of Saturday’s game. After a shaky first quarter, Jalen Hurts and the Sooners were working their way downfield, and li...
You're Not Going To Remember Any Of This Shit: <i>Joker,</i> Reviewed
“The feeling that the future does not exist, that it is only more of the same, means all utopias are meaningless. Literature has always been relegated to utopia, so when utopia loses meaning, so does literature.”...
Lias Andersson's Season Could've Started Better
Fresh-faced Rangers forward and silver medal hater Lias Andersson made the team’s opening night roster for this season, which is neat for him. This earned Andersson an appearance during Thursday night’s big pregame player introduction ceremony, which was probably also pretty neat for him, right up u...
Down A Hole: The Missing Scenes Of <i>Donald J. Trump's Fabulous World Of Golf</i>
There are currently two cable news networks devoted to celebrating and defending Donald Trump. Both are widely watched by the most distraught elderly people in the United States, including the president himself, and Trump has made a point of involving various personalities from that network—haunted ...
Brugge Player Scores Two Goals On Real Madrid Despite Twice Doo-Dooing Himself
Even though Real Madrid have been ass all year, no one would’ve expected anything other than a comfortable win when the Blancos hosted Club Brugge in the Champions League today. And yet the Belgian team spent the vast majority of the match in winning position, thanks to two goals from Emmanuel Denni...
Tennis Umpire Suspended For Coaching Player, Creeping On Ball Girl During Match
Tennis chair umpire Gianluca Moscarella of Italy was suspended yesterday for being an outrageous cheater and a creep during an ATP Tour Challenger match on Saturday. During the second-round match between Portugal’s Pedro Sousa and Italy’s Enrico Della Valle, the umpire coached and encouraged Sousa a...
Italian Youth Soccer Coach Fired For Calling Greta Thunberg A "Whore" On Facebook
Fourth-division Italian soccer club Grosseto fired youth coach Tommaso Casalini this week after he called 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg a “whore” who “can take a pounding” in a Facebook comment, according to Football Italia....
Forget The WWE-AEW War For Minute: SmackDown's Fox Premiere Is A Big Fucking Deal
This week sure looks likely to be one of the more momentous in recent wrestling history. Most of the focus is on the emergence of the “Wednesday Night War,” and rightly so. It’s been a long time since WWE had another promotion to pick a fight with, and NXT expanding to two hours on USA Network to ba...
You Probably Shouldn't Be Able To Strangle A Guy On A Football Field
On Sunday, the Browns finally looked like the team everyone hoped they would be in 2019, beating the Ravens 40-25 while putting up 530 total yards of offense. Even more impressive is that they were able to do all that without much of a contribution from Odell Beckham Jr., who finished the game with ...
Nick Chubb Pantsed The Ravens' Defense And Shoved Them Into A Puddle
A quiet reality of this season’s Ravens roster was that the defense had lost significant pieces that would be quite hard to replace, regardless of how they drafted or approached free agency with finding replacements in mind. The reason behind the low volume on that issue had a lot to do with Baltimo...
Matt Barkley's Interception Was A Perfectly Bills Way To Lose
The question surrounding the end of Patriots-Bills wasn’t so much a matter of how Buffalo was going to use its final drive to complete the shocking upset at home, but rather how spectacularly the team would fuck things up. Even after Tom Brady and the rest of the New England squad tried time after t...
Vontaze Burfict Ejected For Particularly Heinous Late Hit On Jack Doyle
Much like the sun is guaranteed to set in the west each day, Vontaze Burfict will almost certainly be ejected for laying down a dirty hit sometime during an NFL season. This is exactly what happened early in the second quarter of Colts-Raiders on Sunday: Seconds after Jack Doyle made a catch on his ...
Mike Leach Bemoans Washington State Players For Being Too Much Like Mike Leach
Mike Leach talks about Washington State football the same way he shares tales of tracking raccoons, opinions on Halloween candy and tweets featuring a doctored video of President Barack Obama meant to rile up and confuse an older conservative base. That is to say he appears to do it without much tho...