ow Page 535 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Christian Benteke Probably Made Crystal Palace Sign His Little Brother, Who Sucks
It’s often difficult for small teams to convince players at big clubs making big bucks to forgo the glory and riches of the game’s destination clubs in favor of being the star at the little team, even when said player has found himself latched to the big team’s bench. Thus small clubs must pull out ...
Jerry Jones Bought Himself A Helicopter Because That's What Rich Old Bastards Do
We all know Jerry Jones loves the finer things in life: tailored suits, his state-of-the-art football stadium, feeling up women in bathrooms. Now we can add “shooting pigs out of a helicopter” to that list....
Can Jimmy Garoppolo Beat The Cardinals? Watch Our <i>Tecmo Super Bowl</i> Simulation To Find Out.
It’s time to update our Tecmo Super Bowl rosters and CPU vs CPU sim Sunday’s Patriots-Cardinals game. Can Jimmy Garoppolo lead New England to the win? Find out on Facebook Live:...
Today's Shocking Miss Of The Day Comes To You All The Way From Lithuania
My Lithuanian is a little rusty, but I assume that the announcer’s “Oi yoi yoi! Oi yoi yoi!” in response to this Kauno Žalgiris striker missing the unmissible—a completely open net with the keeper yards away from goal—translates to something like: “Jesus Christ, did he really just blow that??? Like,...
Fire Half The Managers
As you glance up from your real job and gaze at the rows of offices occupied by “managers,” do you ever get the feeling that nothing of value is really going on over there? My friend, you are exactly right. ...
Witness Claims Ezekiel Elliott's Girlfriend Asked Her To Lie To Police
Yesterday, the Columbus prosecutor’s office announced that it would not be pursuing charges against Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott, who was accused of committing domestic violence on five separate occasions by his girlfriend, Tiffany Thompson. Today, the prosecutor’s office released documents ...
Columbus Prosecutor's Office Will Not Charge Ezekiel Elliott With Domestic Battery
In July, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott’s girlfriend, Tiffany Thompson, posted photos of bruises that she claimed were given to her by Elliott during a domestic dispute. Thompson went on to submit an official complaint in which she alleged that Elliott had abused her on five sepa...
Troy Aikman Hates Skip Bayless, And Fox Sports Loves It<em></em>
Skip Bayless’s new show on FS1, the two-and-a-half-hour-long Second Take, just wrapped up its debut, and you’ll be shocked to learn not only that he and cohost Shannon Sharpe discussed Tim Tebow, Johnny Manziel, and the Cowboys in-depth, but that Bayless challenged Sharpe to bring stronger takes mul...
Quinn Cook Crossed The Soul Out Of This Foolish Child
Former Duke Blue Devil Quinn Cook hasn’t been heard from much since going undrafted in the 2015 NBA draft. He’s been grinding away in the D-League, though, which has kept his skills sharp enough to maim and humiliate basketball campers....
Dalvin Cook Tries To Score Touchdown; Fails
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Evil Spectator Gets Revenge On Bike Race By Causing High-Speed Crash
The Tour Cycliste Antenne Reunion is about as far on the fringes of the cycling world as you can get. While the top of the pro peloton is touring across either Spain or Britain right now and the second division is busy finishing up their seasons in lesser European races, the remote Indian Ocean isla...
Murray St. Forced To Start At 1-Yard-Line After Official Hallucinates Fair Catch Call On Kickoff
Murray State’s day is bad enough as they get walloped by the Illini, but it didn’t help that officials declared the Racers called for a fair catch on a kickoff early in the fourth quarter—at the one yard line....
Iowa Player Ejected After Nearly Decapitating Opponent
You could read this post, and watch the full video below, or you could read this essay by our pal Spencer Hall. We recommend you do the latter, instead of watching this video of Iowa’s Josey Jewell turning the brain of Miami’s Matt Merimee into oatmeal....
Western Michigan Saved By Officials After Mind-Blowingly Stupid Play
Northwestern was driving late to take the lead on Western Michigan, needing only a field goal to gain the advantage on the scoreboard and having first-and-goal to do it. Then, disaster: Clayton Thorson fumbled just as he reached the end zone and WMU’s Davontae Ginwright recovered. Then things got we...
Report: Atlanta Braves Looking Into Signing Tim Tebow
The return of Tebow Time is imminent, according to ESPN’s Pedro Gomez who reports that the Atlanta Braves are looking into signing the former NFL playoff game-winning quarterback to a minor league deal. ...
Destin Hood Gets First Career Hit, Immediately Makes Baserunning Blunder
Marlins outfielder Destin Hood is making his major league debut after eight years in the minors, and his parents were in Cleveland to watch him earn his first career hit—and, immediately after that, get tagged out on a baserunning mistake....