ow Page 609 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
<i>Tomorrowland </i>Is Hopeful, Uplifting, And Absolutely Intolerable
1. Tomorrowland is a movie about optimism and hope and brightness and good cheer, which probably explains why it put me in such a foul mood. It’s like that television evangelist who’s so smiley and squeaky-clean that you just know he’s up to something weird when no one’s looking. This movie spends m...
Warriors Beat Rockets As James Harden Can't Get Final Shot Off
James Harden was brilliant all game, putting up a ridiculous 38/10/9 line without a ton of help from his non-Dwight Howard teammates. But on the final play of the game, down 99-98 with seven seconds to attack a scrambling Warriors defense, Harden inexplicably passed the ball to Howard, and when he g...
Jokes From David Letterman's Final Top 10 List, Ranked
10. Bill Murray...
Foo Fighters-Backed Letterman Closing Montage Is Mindblowing
Larry ‘Bud’ Melman! Drew Barrymore flashing! The GE fruit basket incident! Andy Kaufman! Late Show with David Letterman packed those and more into a furious closing montage last night that featured 562 different memorable moments from Letterman’s 33 years on late-night TV. (We counted.) The sports p...
"I'm Not Getting <i>The Tonight Show</i>"; Watch Letterman's Final Monologue
Tonight is David Letterman’s last show after 33 years of hosting late night television. Here’s his final opening monologue, in which he looks back on his decades of work. ...
There's A Mushroom Growing In My Tub!
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Zen Koans, As Brought To You By ESPN's Neil Everett
“It’s like the scarecrow in Oz, you get too close to the fire, eventually.. you’re going to get burned. Heh.”...
NBA Writer Wants To Yank His Crank To Wolves Owner's Wife
For the second straight NBA draft lottery, the sports media couldn’t keep its collective dick in its collective pants. Last year, Bucks owner Wes Edens had his 18-year-old daughter, Mallory, represent the team at the lottery, and sportswriters jizzed all over their computer screens. This year there ...
ESPN's New Hire Says Global-Warming Fears Are "Intellectually Dishonest"
ESPN is a sports media conglomerate that largely, intentionally operates under the conceit that sports exist within a vacuum, untouched by the outside world except for instances in which the outside world intrudes on the sports universe. It’s a fallacious conceit, but it has some unintended positive...
How To Win Your First Week At A New Job
The nice thing about a new job is that it probably won’t start sucking immediately. It’ll be easy at first—kind of like the first week of class, where the only thing expected of you is your presence and appropriate clothing (anything beyond pajamas). But unlike the first week of school, your first w...
How To Watch James Harden, The Loathsome Genius
Hi, casual basketball fan! As you’re likely aware, the NBA’s conference finals begin tonight. In the Eastern Conference, the Atlanta Hawks will take on the Cleveland Cavaliers. In the West, the Golden State Warriors will face the Houston Rockets—and their star guard, James Harden....
Who Needs Hitting When You've Got Corey Kluber And Chris Sale?
Chris Sale and Corey Kluber pitched against each other last night, and they each turned in performances that lived up to the Best Pitching Matchup of The Week billing that games featuring two great starters always get but often fail to live up to. In fact, Kluber vs. Sale represented everything that...
Kyrie Irving Has One Father, And It's Not LeBron James
Today’s adventure in hilarious interview exchanges comes via whoever asked Kyrie Irving what sort of “parental role” LeBron James plays with him (starting at the 1:04 mark). ...
Bored Dummy Cesc Fàbregas Kicks Ball Into West Brom Player's Head
C’mon, Cesc. If you’re gonna pick a fight with someone, you gotta get up in his face. Don’t sit back and kick the ball at him like a little turd. (That being said, good aim, though.)...
A Semi-Competent Father's Guide To Volunteering At Your Kid's School
One of the best parts of being a dad in public is the generalized expectation that you are basically a greased-up Kevin James playing banana-cream-pie Jenga with the Queen Mum. Remember those early solo outings with your baby and the generously low bar that you were held to? Doors held open, the faw...
ESPN's Michael Smith Lets The "Shit" Fly On <i>His & Hers</i>
ESPN’s His & Hers can regularly be a welcome palate-cleanser after the toxic sludge that is First Take, as hosts Jemele Hill and Michael Smith offer something a bit more fresh than the two dumbasses that lead them in. Also fresh: Michael Smith’s mouth, today....
Audiovisual Medium Airs Kanye Performance You Couldn't Hear Or See
Today in dumb things on TV: Kanye West’s Billboard Music Awards performance, in which the pyrotechnics rendered nothing visible and censorship rendered nothing audible....
When You're Playing FIFA And Your Controller Breaks
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook....
Australian Soccer Chief Falls Off Podium At Trophy Ceremony
Melbourne Victory beat Sydney FC 3-0 last night to take Australia’s top soccer trophy, but all most Aussies will remember about the evening is 84-year-old FFA chairman Frank Lowy falling off the stage while trying to present the champions with their award....