ow Page 614 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Browns Fined And GM Suspended For Being Supremely Dysfunctional
Because it's only like the 16th most interesting thing to happen to the Browns in the last year, and because the Falcons are being punished—more harshly—at the exact same time, this latest Cleveland mini-fiasco threatens to fly under the radar. Do not let it. It's a perfect example of the team bein...
How To Make An Adequate Manhattan
The Adequate Man is almost assuredly a boozer. Most abstainers do so because their sobriety is mandated by either higher-order preoccupations—see Chuck D, Thomas Edison, and Mister Fred Rogers—or legal/medical necessity, as with your cousin Jeff and your other two cousins Jeff....
Falcons Get Fined, Lose Pick, Fire Guy Named Roddy White Over Fake Noise
The NFL puffed up its chest and released a punishment on a Monday morning, announcing that the Falcons would be fined $350,000 and docked a fifth-round draft pick in 2016 for pumping in crowd noise....
Bad Hockey Man Viciously Slashes Opponent During Warmups
Andre Deveaux is a journeyman forward who's bounced around various hockey leagues, including the NHL, and now finds himself playing professionally for Rögle in Sweden. He also finds himself being a tremendous dick, and doing things like slashing an opposing player from behind during pregame warmups....
The Knicks' "Plan" Still Sounds Dumb As All Hell
And now the Knicks season is about butts. ...
Aaron Rodgers Shuts Down Manbaby Reporter
Aaron Rodgers and his girlfriend, Olivia Munn, were sitting courtside at Wisconsin's Elite 8 victory over Arizona on Saturday, and because Rodgers is basically royalty in the state of Wisconsin, they got to go onto the court and join the postgame festivities. CBS Sports' Dennis Dodd did not think th...
Ronda Rousey, The Rock Team Up To Crush Triple H & Stephanie McMahon
If you thought Brock Lesnar's main event appearance would be the only UFC in your WWE at Wrestlemania tonight, you'd be wrong. Reigning bantamweight champ Ronda Rousey showed up to join forces with The Rock in kicking the asses of Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. It was, as The Rock stated himself, t...
Daniel Bryan WWE HOF Speech: Wrestling's Fake, But Here's A Real Story
Daniel Bryan's WWE Hall of Fame induction speech for child cancer victim Connor "The Crusher" Michalek not only brought the pro wrestling superstar to tears but also—to the shock of some viewers—tore down the façade of wrestling storylines multiple times, admitting that "everything I've done...is ...
How To Roast A Chicken, And Become A Grownup At Last
Roasting a chicken is the last threshold to full coming of age. Before you have done it, you are a fledgling. After, you are an elder....
Tank Top-Wearing Gronk Twerks In Miami
We have a new development in the Summer of Gronk, as enormous highlighter Rob Gronkowski is still wearing the same shorts from yesterday, but now has a matching tank top. Gronk went onstage during 3LAU's—I hate myself—set at Ultra Music Festival in Miami....
How To Smoke Salmon: Mystical Alchemy From The Majestic West
Pity the poor East Coast rat racer. Look at him, pouring out of the subway with his sooty, bedraggled kin, lurching through ill-lit corridors, past dripping pipes and glaring widows just missing him with the splash of their chamberpots. There he is, spending $12 on a substandard turkey sub. Here h...
Rejoice! Alonzo Mourning Says "Who Wants To Sex Mutombo?" Happened!
Today is a great day! It's been almost a year since Dikembe Mutombo went on Highly Questionable and shot down one of the greatest urban legends in sports, denying that he ever walked into a club and shouted, "Who wants to sex Mutombo?" Today, those of us who have held on to the hope that Mutombo was...
Shirtless Gronk Twerks In Miami
Rob Gronkowski—the answer to the question "What if an EDM track somehow learned how to play football?"—is in Miami, shirtless and twerking. Do you need to know anything else?...
Report: Falcons And Browns Told Of "Severe" Penalties
According to Adam Schefter, the Atlanta Falcons and Cleveland Browns were informed of their pending punishments for pumping in crowd noise and illegally texting coaches in-game, respectively. The penalties will be announced next week, Schefter says, and they will reportedly be "severe."...
Chicago Sports Radio Guys Take To Twitter To Discuss Reporter's Breasts
Matt Spiegel and Dan Bernstein work for 670 The Score in Chicago. Spiegel has a radio show; Bernstein has a column, a radio show, and hot takes on Derrick Rose. Wednesday night, the two took to Twitter to discuss CSN Chicago reporter Aiyana Cristal. The conversation started with Spiegel expressing p...
How To Lift Weights: A Primer In Primacy
Lifting weights should be simple. You go to a place with a bunch of metal and pick it up and put it down until you look like The Incredible Hulk. But weightlifting—like any other worthwhile pursuit—requires study, planning, and care to succeed at, which sucks....
Hey, Look, It's Jay Mariotti Posing For Some Glamour Shots
It's been a while since we've heard from Jay Mariotti, an unspeakably bad writer and stain of a human being who once pleaded no contest to misdemeanor stalking and assault charges after getting into a physical altercation with his then-girlfriend. We weren't and aren't quite sure what he's been up t...
Wisconsin's Nigel Hayes Caught By Hot Mic, Nearly Dies Of Embarrassment
Nigel Hayes has already endeared himself to the world through his adorable obsession with the NCAA tournament stenographer. Now well-versed in the ways of stenography, Hayes spent part of yesterday's press conference learning a valuable lesson about hot mics....
Soccer Team Gets Scored On While Busy Celebrating Their Goal
If you've ever wondered why soccer players celebrate goals in the opponent's half of the field, well it's mostly because all of them except the goalkeeper are already there. But it's also because the other team cannot kickoff while there are opposing players in their half. This is something the al...