ow Page 631 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bill Belichick: "I've Handled Dozens Of Balls" In Search To Do Science
The NFL's resident Mr. Wizard, Bill Belichick, attempted to explain away Ballghazi by running a post pattern on science this afternoon, going long on Boyle's Law and the intricacies of the New England Patriots' process of touching, rubbing, and caressing balls....
How To Bake Bay Scallops, And Prove That Size Isn't Everything
Seems like bay scallops get kind of a raw deal, doesn't it? At my local purveyor of seafoods, the big honkin' fist-sized sea scallops get a place of honor in the glass display case, while the bay scallops are stuck over in the freezer across the way, packed by the dozens into grim plastic bags, f...
Hey Boys And Girls: You, Too, Can Skate 40 MPH Downhill Over Jumps
Sadie Lundquist (not pictured) launched from the rose window of St. Paul's iconic cathedral, some 40 feet above ground, dropped in and started building speed. A tiny check at the top of a 10-foot cliff and she was over the edge, hitting the ice with a crunch, fighting for balance, blurring through e...
Chainsaws 101: How To Safely Operate A Murdertoy
Winter is full of creaking trees and crackling fires, which are reasonable enough excuses to buy a chainsaw. You'll want a reasonable excuse, because it's passé to admit that these things are a shocking amount of dangerous fun....
The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Divisional Finals Are Upon Us. VOTE!
Big Peanut took a page out of Big Avocado's playbook, attempting to throw my bracket by ginning up Twitter support. Big Peanut did not succeed....
Sal Paolantonio Has Found The Real<i> </i>Victim Of Ballghazi
We still have nine days until the Super Bowl, everyone. Mark Brunell getting upset over the possibility of Tom Brady fibbing is not the nadir of Ballghazi, though that'd be nice. On this morning's Colin Cowherd radio atrocity, Sal Paolantonio remixed a classic hand-wringing angle—Think of the ch...
Imprisoned Cowboys Fan Sues NFL For $89B For Reversing Dez Bryant Catch
Terry Hendrix, currently incarcerated in Colorado and a serial filer of frivolous lawsuits, has finally struck upon a real injustice. He's suing the NFL for nearly $89 billion for the officiating decision to overturn Dez Bryant's reception in the Cowboys' playoff loss to the Packers....
This Glorious Goober Will Blow Your Mind With His Sick Archery Skills
This video is nearly six minutes long. I understand that asking you, dear reader, to watch a six-minute video of some dude doing archery tricks in his garage and the woods by his house is a tall order, but you need to do this. You need to watch Lars Andersen, master of ancient and long-forgotten bow...
Mike Florio Could Probably Use A Nap
Football, man. The season is too long. It can really get to people. And with frantic 24-hour news cycles like the one created by Ballghazi, there's not much time to get away and decompress....
Last Night's <i>Hannity</i> Just Couldn't Stop Talking About Ballsacks
It's no surprise Ballghazi is taking over the cable news airwaves, but the national nets have sadly been too humble or afraid to utter the necessary term "ballsack." American patriot Sean Hannity's program is the home of real talk, though, and last night they just couldn't stop talking about ballsac...
Basketball Is Dead. The Knicks And Sixers Murdered It.
All the precious, fragile, bitterly-won gains of humankind's wretched, fitful, brave, millennia-long upward struggle went up in white-hot magnesium flames last night in Philadelphia and burned away to powder. All for nothing. All fantasies, every damn one. The Knicks and Sixers have shown us ours...
The NFL Should Just Leave Marshawn Lynch The Hell Alone
According to ESPN's Adam Schefter, the NFL is preparing to become much more aggressive in its battle against Marshawn Lynch and his continued refusal to give a fuck....
"Way To Go, Paul": Hulk-Like Hockey Parent Breaks Glass With Slap
Look, I'm going to play this one straight: I know absolutely nothing about this video. It was tweeted at us from an unknown Twitter account, has almost no description, and was posted by a seemingly normal YouTube account that has been around for five years. I cannot find any other trace of it on...
Which Porn Video Was This ESPN Recruiting Analyst Just Watching?
This here is a screenshot of a hastily deleted tweet that was sent out by ESPN college football recruiting analyst Gerry Hamilton. As you can see, Hamilton forgot to double-check exactly what link he pasted into his tweet before hitting send....
How To Survive At The Poker Table
Poker used to be cool. From Wild Bill Hickok getting shot up over aces and eights to Paul Newman and Robert Shaw eyefucking each other in The Sting, it has always held a place in American culture as the game you'd find grown-ass men playing in the smoke-filled back rooms of grown-ass places. Blame...
The Time A Jets Kicker Smacked A Ball Boy For Not Rubbing Up The Balls
Since all anyone can talk about today is the various ways in which people manipulate footballs and what dastardly cheaters the New England Patriots are, it seems like as good a time as any to remember the time a mouthy Patriots ball boy got the shit smacked out of him by an opposing kicker for not p...
Round 2 Of The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Playoffs Starts NOW! Vote!
Cheese & Crackers very nearly pulled off a huge upset. The 8-seed, matched up against football snack staple Nacho Cheese Doritos, was almost left off the bracket entirely because your bracketeer thought it perhaps a touch too bougie for this exercise. Which is insane, when you consider that the sa...
Bad Seahawks Dad Ruins Baby's Birthday Song With Loud Swearing
Details here are a bit scarce, but what we appear to have is a nice mom attempting to record a birthday song with her cute baby, probably so that she can send the video to grandma and grandpa, or something. Unfortunately, the song gets ruined by Bad Seahawks Dad, who forgot to use his inside voice w...
The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Playoffs Start Now. VOTE!
The Super Bowl is a grand time for food. All those New Year's Resolutions about eating right, getting fit, and drinking less go out the window just in time for nimble fingers to set to work crafting the perfect snack stadium or dialing Dominos....
Andy Dalton, Seventh Alternate QB, Will Play In The Dumb Pro Bowl
When the NFL totaled up the votes and named six QBs to the Pro Bowl, it also drew up a list of alternates for when players inevitably bailed due to injury or just having better things to do. That list of alternates goes down a long way. Andy Dalton, basically the King Ralph of quarterbacks, is a Pro...