ow Page 794 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your Cast Of Characters For Tonight's <em>Super Bowl</em> Movie
More than any sporting event this side of Air Bud, the Super Bowl is where we go for cinematic, overproduced sports theater. CBS will have 62 cameras on hand, bringing sweeping panoramas, close-ups, high-definition snot-rockets—everything you could want from a staged drama, except live and unscripte...
Man Interrupts NFL Network Live Shot, Rips Seam In Fabric Of Space And Time
The ramifications may not be felt immediately, but what this man has done cannot be undone. Aimlessly wandering around Bourbon Street, this man—a Ravens fan, way to go Baltimore—stumbled across the NFL Network's camera crew filming a light hearted live segment with Michelle Beisner....
Boston Is Really Bummed Out About The Super Bowl
This is almost too good to be true. It's taken only a handful of years for Title Town to completely revert back to the blubbering, blundering, sad-sack Boston we all know and love. It has been eight years since the Patriots won a Super Bowl. Eight! That is almost an entire decade of complete and tot...
Washington Scores Freak Goal By Banking Puck Off The Boards
Here is Washington Capitals defenseman John Carlson dumping the puck into the Penguins zone and using the boards to fake out Penguins goalie Tomas Vokoun four minutes into the second period. Carlson successfully got Vokoun to anticipate where the puck should have been and banked the puck into a wi...
Deion Sanders, On Players Out With Concussions: "Half These Guys Are Trying To Make Some Money"
Deion Sanders, concussion truther. Though the commissioner of of the NFL went on Face the Nation today to deny that his league ever covered up the dangers of football and its potential to induce brain damage—because at this point, denying the dangers themselves is impossible—Deion Sanders isn't co...
The Media Has Resorted To Hyping Up Just How Boring Colin Kaepernick's Interviews Are
Have we run out of storylines yet? Pretty much, yes. After doggedly reporting on the various verbal gaffes and screwy pronouncements emanating from the Ravens and 49ers this week, football writers turned to Colin Kaepernick and decided they needed an identifiable character trait that went beyond "ne...
Ray Lewis's Super Bowl Cleats: A Glittering Light In The Shadow Of The Almighty
Ray Lewis will wear specially designed cleats for Super Bowl 47. They are Ray Lewis cleats through and through: sparkling gold overpowering Baltimore purple and a special Psalms 91 shout out. Proselytizing being the obvious goal of these shoes and, really, the entire purpose of our existence as a sp...
Every Foodspin Recipe You Could Make For Your Super Bowl Guests, Who Arrive In Four Hours
There's still time to avoid a full-scale revolt from your undernourished Super Bowl party guests. Follow these directions and good luck. We're all counting on you....
What Time Isn't The Super Bowl?
Check your TV—no Super Bowl, at least not right now. There wasn't a Super Bowl yesterday. We can pretty much guarantee there won't be a Super Bowl throughout this entire morning, or any time after today for quite a while....
"Look At Me, Motherfucker. Look At Me When You Apologize!": Lil Wayne Went Off-Script At The Celebrity Beach Bowl
DirecTV's Celebrity Beach Bowl is, like most sponsored Super Bowl events in the host city, an overblown branding exercise that could only be interesting to the most naive of hayseeds. There are exceptions, though, like when Lil Wayne has a meltdown on a spectator during a trophy ceremony, Desmond ...
This Flaccid <i>Times-Picayune</i> Write-Up Of The Playboy Super Bowl Party Confirms The Death Of The Printed Word
While the most odious piece of Super Bowl journalism was achieved, flagrantly, when Rick Reilly decided it was his place to tell Colin Kaepernick how to run his complicated family life, the silver-medal podium had remained fallow until today. We can all thank the scorched shell of the Times-Picayune...
Pro Football Hall Of Fame Calls Up Sapp, Parcells, Ogden, Allen and Carter
The NFL's next Hall of Fame class, just announced, has a few dudes the TV made famous. There's Bill Parcells, who made a coaching career of winning two Super Bowls with the Giants and then convincing other teams believe he might ever do it again; Cris* Carter, who just proved that even Jerry Rice Li...
The Drew Magary Super Bowl Chili Recipe
Every year, I post this recipe in the Jamboroo and people seem to have good luck with it. Of course, a chili recipe is merely a suggestion. It's up to you to add your own unique signature to it. Cut-up hot dogs? Sure. Adding a hunk of seared pork butt to the cauldron, as I'm doing this year? Absolut...
If Your Super Bowl Party Doesn't Have A Grid Pool, You're Just Getting Fatter And Watching Commercials
The first time I heard a grid pool described, my father was coming home with a pocketful of bills he'd just won down at his favorite watering hole. Essentially you make a 10-by-10 grid, strip numbers vertically and horizontally, buy a square, and if the last digit of the score matches your square, y...
How To Watch Football On Television, According To 1964
Spend enough time on sports boards and you start to absorb a multimedia shorthand. Someone asks why Raul Ibañez is a defensive liability, and you automatically post an animated gif of his laser-like throw from the outfield right into the dirt eight feet in front of him. Someone wonders why people di...
How To Make Pulled Pork: A Guide For Unfussy Super Bowl Eaters
So the Super Bowl is here, and the internet has spent the past several weeks telling you that your game-watching experience will be a sad, dismal, disappointing failure unless it is accompanied by a veritable buffet-table of exotic culinary delights—Great catch, Boldin! Could somebody pass me anothe...
The Ravens Kicking Coach Is Already Mayor Of One New Jersey Town, Wants To Be Governor
Randy Brown has been the mayor of Evesham Township in New Jersey since 2007, and the Baltimore Ravens kicking coach since 2008. Brown was once kicking coach of the Chicago Bears, a consultant with the Eagles, and has run a kicking camp. In his tenure with the Ravens, punter Sam Koch has set and beat...
Texas Assistant Coach Major Applewhite Was Disciplined For "Inappropriate, Consensual Behavior With An Adult Student" Four Years Ago
Former University of Texas quarterback and current UT co-offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach Major Applewhite (that's his first name, not his rank) was disciplined in 2009 by the University of Texas for an infraction now being described as, if we're accurately connecting the very clear dot...
The Best Super Bowl Documentary You've Never Seen (Featuring Bill Murray, Groupies, And Bob Irsay Being A Dick)
TVTV (Top Value Television), a group I co-founded, was a band of merry videomakers who, from 1972 to 1977, took the then-new portable video camera and went out to document the world. In those days, there were only three TV networks, using giant studio cameras, and no one had ever seen a portable cam...
The Perfect Encapsulation Of The Media's Midweek Super Bowl Coverage, In One <em>SportsCenter</em> Screencap
Yesterday, John and Jim Harbaugh—brothers, dontcha know—held a joint press conference in New Orleans. ESPN apparently recorded it, reviewed it, broke it down, and came away with the above stats. Extrapolated to their logical conclusion, those stats mean...literally nothing, except that ESPN is as c...