ow Page 805 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Two University of Texas Football Players Accused Of Sexually Assaulting A Woman [UPDATED]

The players have neither been arrested nor charged with a crime, and police have not released their names. An investigation is taking place, but here are the details from KENS in San Antonio, where the Longhorns are staying as they prepare for Saturday's Alamo Bowl game against Oregon State:...

Duke's Punter Kicked A Ball 79 Yards In The Belk Bowl

One week after being named to Phil Steele's Freshman All-America list, Duke punter Will Monday showed the world why Blue Devils fans have a reason to be excited at the prospect of a fourth-and-long. In the second quarter of tonight's Belk Bowl matchup against Cincinnati, Monday booted a ball that ...

Bristolmetrics: <em>SportsCenter</em> Poops All Over Mark Sanchez

This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's 11 p.m. edition of SportsCenter throughout the week....

How To Have Sex In Any Kind Of Car

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a safe 102% of the readers of this site are fans of both cars and a vast and disgusting variety of sexual acts. And that's great. My stand on cars is well established (quite pro) and when it comes to sex, I can't think of a more enjoyable way to get the max...

Mark Sanchez Is Once Again The Starting Quarterback For The New York Jets

Last we checked in on the Jets' quarterbacking situation, Tim Tebow was a coddled malcontent who just wanted "to play regular quarterback." This came after Mark Sanchez, the man who permanently eliminated "poise" from the NFL lexicon, turned it over five times against Tennessee and was benched for S...

ESPN's Lomas Brown Spent His Christmas Insulting People On Twitter

Former Lions lineman Lomas Brown has been getting a ton of shit from people since admitting the other day he once deliberately allowed quarterback Scott Mitchell to get injured during a game. Though we never realized it until the Mitchell story got out, Brown is an ESPN analyst. But then we looked i...

USC Was Way Late For The Sun Bowl Dinner, So Georgia Tech Got Pissed And Left

You think USC is excited to be spending New Year's Eve in El Paso, Texas, playing Georgia Tech in the Sun Bowl? Oh, sure, Lane Kiffin might have arrived yesterday wearing a sombrero and something less than a smile, but two Trojans players have already apologized for insulting the city, and now the e...

The Year's Most Insipid Political Gesture, Courtesy Of Former Sonics Owner Howard Schultz

If you buy coffee at a Starbucks in the Washington, DC area today or tomorrow, do not be surprised to find the words "Come Together" scrawled illegibly on your cup. You can blame this on the fact that Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz is a tepid showman masquerading as a bold visionary. ...

Pro Bowl rosters are out. Try to look excited....

ESPN Article Analogizes Soccer Team To A Teenage Virgin And A Libidinous Rod Stewart

At first, there doesn't seem to be anything all that special about this article on ESPN's Soccernet. It's not much more than a standard game recap, until you get to this part:...

College ShameDay: What's A Belk? Is AdvoCare Addictive? Answering All Your Questions About Our Shittiest Bowl Games

Our weekly college football shame index previews the shitty upcoming bowls. ...

Scott Mitchell Is Not Happy About The Fact That Lomas Brown Let Him Get Injured In 1994

Last week, we told you about former Lions offensive tackle and current ESPN NFL analyst Lomas Brown admitting to intentionally blowing a block in the hopes that his team's quarterback, Scott Mitchell, would be knocked out of the game with an injury. Brown's plan worked. Mitchell left the game with ...

How Creepy Chinese Automakers Use Sexy Naked Women To Sell Unsexy Cars

Sex appeal is used to sell cars in every country, but China has outdone the rest of the world with what they call "breast milk exhibitions," i.e. regular auto shows filled with topless and sometimes totally naked women....

Andruw Jones Charged With Battery After Alleged Domestic Dispute

There aren't many specific details yet known, but the AP is reporting that former major leaguer Andruw Jones started his Christmas Day in jail after he was arrested on a battery charge early this morning in the Atlanta suburb of Duluth. Seems police were called to respond to a domestic dispute betwe...

"Buster Olney U So Full A Shit": The Year In Great, Terrible, And Deeply Weird Tweets From The World Of Sports

2012 offered many windows into the athlete soul, but none were larger or more revealing than the unfiltered weirdness that came from their screwy social media presences. Here are our favorites, from Cardale Jones delicately explaining that he wasn't recruited to Ohio State for his academic prowess, ...

Tim Tebow Is A Coddled Malcontent

The Jets dressed three quarterbacks for their game against the Chargers yesterday—a game they lost, 27-17. Greg McElroy, the former Alabama quarterback who, evidently, never faced a pass rush while he was there, started, while Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez backed him up. (Neither was the No. 3 quarterb...

The Sports Video Games Of The Year

Rarely considered for overall video-game-of-the-year honors, the uncommon diversity of sports video games, and the unique demands placed on them to recreate both a real-world sport and the real-life experiences associated with it, support their own class of awards more than any other genre. These ar...

"Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's The Tylenol?": Your Sunday NFL GIF Roundup [Updated]

We'll be putting all our GIFs for the day here, from London Fletcher losing his lunch to sad Tom Brady. We'll update the post as the later games conclude, so stay tuned. ...

Daryl Johnston Is Wearing This Right Now

Top five weirdest things about that thing Daryl Johston is wearing, on his body:...

Kansas State Guard Angel Rodriguez's "Puerto Rican Temper" To Blame For His Third Foul, According To ESPN Announcer

The last time we wrote about Kansas State guard Angel Rodriguez, he was facing chants of "Where's Your Green Card" from a brain-dead Southern Miss band. Sadly, the Wildcats' backcourt star can't escape comments about his ethnic background, as ESPN announcer Mitch Holthus made note of Rodriguez's "...