owl Page 190 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bill Belichick: "I've Handled Dozens Of Balls" In Search To Do Science
The NFL's resident Mr. Wizard, Bill Belichick, attempted to explain away Ballghazi by running a post pattern on science this afternoon, going long on Boyle's Law and the intricacies of the New England Patriots' process of touching, rubbing, and caressing balls....
The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Divisional Finals Are Upon Us. VOTE!
Big Peanut took a page out of Big Avocado's playbook, attempting to throw my bracket by ginning up Twitter support. Big Peanut did not succeed....
Basketball Is Dead. The Knicks And Sixers Murdered It.
All the precious, fragile, bitterly-won gains of humankind's wretched, fitful, brave, millennia-long upward struggle went up in white-hot magnesium flames last night in Philadelphia and burned away to powder. All for nothing. All fantasies, every damn one. The Knicks and Sixers have shown us ours...
The NFL Should Just Leave Marshawn Lynch The Hell Alone
According to ESPN's Adam Schefter, the NFL is preparing to become much more aggressive in its battle against Marshawn Lynch and his continued refusal to give a fuck....
Round 2 Of The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Playoffs Starts NOW! Vote!
Cheese & Crackers very nearly pulled off a huge upset. The 8-seed, matched up against football snack staple Nacho Cheese Doritos, was almost left off the bracket entirely because your bracketeer thought it perhaps a touch too bougie for this exercise. Which is insane, when you consider that the sa...
The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Playoffs Start Now. VOTE!
The Super Bowl is a grand time for food. All those New Year's Resolutions about eating right, getting fit, and drinking less go out the window just in time for nimble fingers to set to work crafting the perfect snack stadium or dialing Dominos....
Andy Dalton, Seventh Alternate QB, Will Play In The Dumb Pro Bowl
When the NFL totaled up the votes and named six QBs to the Pro Bowl, it also drew up a list of alternates for when players inevitably bailed due to injury or just having better things to do. That list of alternates goes down a long way. Andy Dalton, basically the King Ralph of quarterbacks, is a Pro...
Fowler Falls For Fake Website, Makes Crazy Claims About Tennis Star
Tonight's Australian Open coverage on ESPN2 featured announcer Chris Fowler explaining to the audience that Japanese pro Kei Nishikori is, among other things, the highest-paid tennis player in the world and the owner of a restaurant chain, a soccer team, and clothing and perfume lines. None of tho...
Sad Derrick Rose Airballs An Open Goddamn Layup
Oooh, that is a slick little move, there. The ball-fake to freeze Timofey Mozgov, the little half-Eurostep toward the middle of the lane, the midair adjustment as Mozgov recovers to contest. And then, what in the damn hell. Did the Earth shift 18 inches off its normal orbital path while Rose w...
Woman Goes Bonkers At Opportunity To Buy Patriots "AFC Champion" Shirt
If you're like me, you assumed those "conference champion" shirts and hats exist for players and coaches to wear in the moments after cashing their ticket to the Super Bowl. It turns out people actually buy these things, and one woman is really, really excited that her local Modell's is stocking P...
Chinese Dunk Contest Features Terrible, Hilarious Dunk
The Chinese Basketball Association had its all-star game over the weekend. I really don't understand why this guy was invited to participate in the dunk contest:...
We All Make Mistakes
Clearly the Colts feel inspired by the turnover-laden NFC title game....
Utah State Player Throws Down Huge Dunk, And Pays Dearly For It
Like Indiana Jones, Utah State guard JoJo McGlaston knows how to fly, but maybe not so much how to land....
This Is A Suboptimal Basketball Result
Throw it down, big man! Just throw it down a bit closer to the basket....
Why Tonight's Heavyweight Title Fight Shouldn't Be On The Level
While professional boxing unquestionably often involves two fighters hitting each other as hard as possible in order to win their match, it also often puts business first. It looks as if a lot of X's and O's are being moved around in two upcoming heavyweight title bouts, presumably as long-range s...
Fox Business Delivers Stupidest Super Bowl Report Possible
Fox Business Network attempted to report on Super Bowl ticket sales today with threats that "the NFL is expecting record-low attendance." That's not true, but somehow what reporter Elizabeth MacDonald went on to say got even stupider....
Kitten Bowl Player Names, Ranked
Cat puns are the highest form of humor. Now that Hallmark Channel has unveiled the roster for this year's Kitten Bowl, it's time to subjectively and correctly rank the competitors' names....
No Pressure, Though
The Jets have chosen their next head coach, former Cardinals defensive coordinator Todd Bowles. He may or may not be the right man for the job, but he's sure as hell got the right name for it....
The NFL Has No Idea Who's Going To Coach The Pro Bowl
Try to care about the Pro Bowl for a second. Or, rather: try to care about some NFL execs' lives being made more stressful because of the Pro Bowl. (See? Much easier when you think of it that way.)...