p Page 7800 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Chipper Jones Loves Jose Canseco
Chipper Jones has been know for his entire baseball career as a purveyor of wisdom, a rare voice of reason in a world of insanity. Dare we call him professorial? We do; we do dare....

Ankiel Gets The Call
He is the The Natural, he is Young Musial, he is the alpha, the omega, the beginning, the end. And, as of today, he is a member of the St. Louis Cardinals. Sources tell us that an announcement that Rick Ankiel has been called up to the big leagues is scheduled for later this afternoon/weekend....

Violation At The Bottom Of The Pile
In case you missed your weekly glance at the CFL transactions wire, Edmonton Eskimos linebacker A.J. Gass was suspended for one game after he threw an opponent's helmet across the field. (Mercifully, his head wasn't in it.)...

The New Steelers Mascot Is FABULOUS
The Pittsburgh Steelers. The Pittsburgh Steelers. They stand for might. They stand for strength. They stand for hard-working, old-fashioned, American blue-collar values. They stand for ... Steely McBeam!...

Welcome To Barry's Inferno
If it were possible to open the human mind and step inside, to shine a flashlight into the dark corners of the psyche and root around in our deepest anxieties, then you might possibly see what occurred in the left field bleachers of AT&T Park on Tuesday. Mets' fan Matt Murphy, as we all know by now,...

About Last Night ...
What you missed while reading the Iliad, and skipping the Odyssey ... • MLB: Cubs urge everyone not to panic; the helicopters will be here soon to evacuate the women and children. • Tennis: Nikolay Davydenko wins opener at Rogers Cup in a match that certainly was not fixed by organized crime. • WNBA...

One Year Until The Olympics Begin
The Olympics are starting a year from today. That's gonna be here real fast; heck, before you know it, China will have finally conquered the weather....


To Watch Tonight
What to watch as tiny woodland creatures help with the housework ... • Boxing: Joe "Not Especially Mean" Green vs. Darryl "Fish Face" Salmon, for the NABA middleweight title, at Hollywood, Fla. [ESPN2] • MLB: Atlanta at New York Mets [ESPN]; Chicago Cubs at Houston. Why must you tease your fans so, ...


Bud Selig's Fortnight From Hell
As we move on with our lives now that Barry Bonds has taken over the home run record — though we really can't move on, considering he's gonna keep playing — we look at the guy who has consistently looked worse than everybody else, Bonds included, this entire time. We're talking of course about Bud S...


Your PGA Championship Preview
The final "Major" "Championship" kicks off this weekend, the PGA Championship. It's at the Southern Hills Country Club, which is in Tulsa, Oklahoma....

Make These Women Carry Your Stuff
The woman in this photo is Lucy Dardiner, one of the specialty caddies from England's Eye Candy Caddies. The concept is what you think it is: Attractive people, carrying your clubs and, we dunno, feeding you grapes or something....

Three Great Tastes That ... You Know, We're Gonna Stop There
We meant to post this yesterday but didn't get around to it. David Beckham visited the Yankees locker room on Monday; he was one of the she-male, muscular types A-Rod usually hangs with while in Toronto. For some reason — and we can't put our finger on why — but these pictures oddly remind us of th...

NBA, All Exotic
• NBA stars, in Chinese mythology. We think. [Sports Rumblings] • The seven games on the NBA schedule you should really be watching. [The Basketball Jones] • Bring A-Rod to St. Louis! [Sports Review Magazine] • Scary minor league heckers. [Home Run Derby] • Who should Yao Ming have married? [The Ang...

NFL Season Preview: Houston Texans
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we're going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, we have to go this early. So there you have it....

Everytime Darius Miles Leaves The House, He's Teaching History
You might not be able to tell from this picture, which comes to us via the Blazers Blog and 100 Percent Injury Rate, but it's an etching (drawing? painting?) on the hood of Darius Miles' car. And it's awesome....