pe Page 1211 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
An Odd Way To Get Your Coach Off Your Back
Because we're just the kind of sniggering, obnoxious, wisenheimer 14-year-olds you think we are, we thought we'd giggle a bit this morning at Steelers lineback Joey Porter, who is in serious danger of becoming a staple around these parts....
Stableford: Week 2 Matches Not Featuring Grown Men Sobbing
Dylan Stableford is the editor of media blog FishbowlNY and will write occasionally on the U.S. Open....
The End For Andre Agassi
As the match was being played and it became evident that Andre Agassi didn't have the legs or the back to take down Benjamin Becker, I couldn't help but think it shouldn't end this way. It should've ended in either a championship, or in front of am unsilencable primetime crowd in a 5-set marathon...
Image Is Everything To James Blake
When I was a young tike, I thought Andre Agassi's flourescents were about the coolest thing in the world. Much of my self-esteem was derived from owning a pair of the shoes pictured at the bottom of this poster, even if I couldn't get them until long after they were considered cool. Okay, I'm wea...
This Book Costs More Than Most People's Yearly Salary
How much do you think you would pay for the greatest book in the world? We're talking about the definitive book on the planet, one that would somehow combine what every other book you've ever read has done for you, change your life, maybe even take out the trash from time to time. How much would y...
Yeah, Your Mother. Seriously, Your Mother
We do love a good athlete-journalist feud — considering it's rare that either species acknowledges the other as an actual human being enough to hate them — but there's something special about the bizarre "fight" between Chicago Tribune writer Eric Zorn and Chicago-born speedskater Shani Davis....
Embrace Me, My Sweet Inflatable You
The competitive sex doll rafting community is still reeling over Tuesday's shocking conclusion to the Bubba Bobble Challenge Sex Doll Races tournament near St. Petersburg. We briefly touched on this yesterday, but we want our readers to know that we are going to stay with this story, and all of it...
We're Only 99 44/100ths Percent Pure, Ourselves
The woman on the left in this photo is Danika Schroeter. She finished second in the Canadian downhill mountain biking championships last week, finishing just one second behind Michelle Dumaresq. Dumaresq is the woman in the middle. The lady on the right ... we don't know who the lady on the right is...
Give Us Your Money, Then You Can Protest Us
We always enjoy a good fan protest, and if there's a place one is more warranted than in Baltimore, we don't know of one....
Four Tiny Tidbits On: The Independents
We must confess that we can't wait each year for the crunch of shoulder pads; for cleats churning up chunks of turf, and red-faced coaches screaming from the sidelines. But enough about lacrosse. College football season is upon us, and to celebrate, we're going to get back into tiny tidbit mode an...
Gammons Back Where He Belongs: At A Ballpark
Outstanding news from the Cape Cod Times (with their first, and likely last, big scoop):...
Scott Van Pelt Has A Way With The Ladies
All told, we actually kind of like ESPN anchor Scott Van Pelt. He's still a knockoff of the tired "wacky" anchor, but he's not as obnoxious about it as he could be. He seems like a dopey, well-meaning fellow who is happy to be on television....
The Contest Results Are In
It's something the sight of which caused Mrs. Costanza to stumble and throw out her back, and truthfully, if she had seen this, it would have killed her. The 2006 Masturbate-a-thon is now in the record books, as approximately 50 participants — mostly men, and not including Mike Cooper — "dragged t...
Gentlemen, Start Your Wanking
Right now Carl Monday is snapping down the protective visor on his riot helmet, scrambling into the back of the WKYC Action News van and yelling "Let's roll!" Yes, the big Masturbate-A-Thon is tomorrow,* which, if you live in Europe, still leaves you plenty of time to get to Drop Studios in London...
Four Tiny Tidbits On: The Big Ten
We must confess that we can't wait each year for the crunch of shoulder pads; for cleats churning up chunks of turf and red-faced coaches screaming from the sidelines. But enough about lacrosse. College football season is upon us, and to celebrate, we're going to get back into tiny tidbit mode and...
Cultural Oddsmaker: Who Will Be The Next Broadcaster Hit With Sexual Harassment?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him and let him know what you think of him....
The Peter King-KSK Standoff
The rockers over at Kissing Suzy Kobler would like to let you know that they are reasonable people. All they want out of life is to make a few humorous comments about sports, go home to their families and perhaps enjoy a Krispy Kreme. Or three. But even reasonable people can be pushed to the edge, a...
Oh, So This Is Where Floyd Landis Has Been
Note on the photo at right: Moments after it was taken, two bears on unicycles were seen riding the trail in the opposite direction, one of them wearing a purple jacket. But anyway, that's not why we showed you this. The 13th Unicycle World Championships are being held right now and run through Aug....
Cycling, Swimming And Running, Oh My!
You know, it's hard enough to finish a triathlon. We think we could handle the biking, and as long as we were allowed to occasionally walk, or even stop and lie down for a while, we could handle the running. We'd almost certainly drown, however. Anyway, imagine going through all the trouble of bei...
Visiting The Scene Of His Namesake's "Crime"
What do you do when your real name is Mike Cooper — but you're not that Mike Cooper — and you've found your MySpace page inexplicably inundated over the last month or so?...