pe Page 658 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Squeeze! We've Got A Squeeze Here, Folks
The Nats—who’ve been playing like the friggin’ Nots to start this season—came into Saturday at risk of getting swept at home by the Colorado Rockies after getting dropped Thursday and Friday in crappy, dispiriting performances. Desperate times, my friends:...
The Broken Oilers Are Keeping Their Crappy GM
It’s pretty hard for a team to be a bigger disappointment than the Edmonton Oilers were this year. Coming off a tough Game 7 loss in the second round of last year’s playoffs, this year’s squad—led by the attractive young duo of Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl, plus a potentially great defenseman i...
Rafael Nadal Might Have To Stop Picking His Butt Before Every Serve At The U.S. Open
The U.S. Open is getting strict about the time allowed between points, saying that there will be a “serve clock” of 25 seconds during the matches at this year’s event, according to the New York Times....
Report: Seahawks Cancelled Colin Kaepernick Visit Over Kneeling Concerns
According to ESPN insider Adam Schefter, the Seattle Seahawks were all ready to give free-agent quarterback Colin Kaepernick a chance to audition for a job, but pulled the plug at the last minute because Kaepernick wouldn’t promise to stop protesting police brutality and racial discrimination....
Tank Warfare, Or A Night At Mavericks-Suns
DALLAS — If the Mavericks were going to do what needed to be done on Tuesday night in the finale of their 2018 season, it would take an almost herculean effort. A guaranteed share of the NBA’s third-worst record and the attendant lottery-odds boost was on the line, but they would have to lock in, fo...
Winnipeg's Been Waiting A Long Time For This
It had been 22 years since a Winnipeg Jets team won a playoff game, and that wasn’t even these Winnipeg Jets. That was a different franchise altogether; it’s in Arizona now. This Jets franchise, including its time in Atlanta, had never won a playoff game. But before a crazy, popcorn-erupting, whited...
Pennsylvania School District Arms Teachers With Dinky Baseball Bats
In the case of a shooting, one school district in Pennsylvania will be prepared with these tiny bats that would definitely break if you hit someone with them once....
Here's Everything At Stake On The Last Night Of The NBA Regular Season
Tonight, anyone watching the NBA will get to see the closest possible regular-season equivalent of a play-in game when the Denver Nuggets travel to Minnesota to play the T-Wolves for the last playoff spot. Both clubs are 46-35, and Minnesota leads the season series 2-1, though a 100-96 win last week...
The Rape Case Tearing Apart Irish Rugby
Rory Best should have stayed in Carton House with the rest of the Irish national rugby team. Instead, the captain and starting hooker sat in Belfast’s Laganside Crown Court alongside his teammate Iain Henderson, watching the trial of two other teammates for the alleged rape of a 19-year-old woman in...
Big Boban Bigger Than Little Tony
For a single moment, on a dead ball, with their playoff hopes long dead too, the Clippers reduced seven-foot generational talent Anthony Davis to a small nephew....
Cleveland Expected To Bring Back Creaky Veteran Mass That Is Kendrick Perkins
One of the last posts to mention Kendrick Perkins on this here blog described him as “a rusty tugboat that washed up onto a basketball court during a hurricane.” ...
Pirates Closer Felipe Rivero Has Changed His Name To Felipe Vázquez
Pirates reliever Felipe Rivero has changed his name to Felipe Vázquez, matching the surname of his sister, Prescilla Vázquez....
This Was The Most Batshit Part Of <i>Paterno</i>
HBO’s Paterno, an excuse for Al Pacino to put on makeup and shuffle around in what were essentially pajamas, premiered Saturday. The movie covered when the Jerry Sandusky scandal broke, and the leadup to Penn State firing football coach Joe Paterno. The Paterno family called the movie “a fictionali...
Pavel Datsyuk Got Robbed In OT And His Superteam Is Out Of The KHL Playoffs
The two KHL teams that made up almost the entirety of Russia’s gold medal-winning Olympic roster ended their conference final battle with a Game 6 overtime classic. CSKA Moscow delivered the relative upset victory over the superteam SKA St. Petersburg in the 3-2 sudden death win....
Big Boban Takes Little Ball
Hungrily, steadily, undeterred by failure, the Boban stalks its prey—then strikes, immobilizing it in an instant. This happened on Tuesday night and I still haven’t been able to get it out of my head....
Reports: Taekwondo Coach Banned Due To "Decades Long Pattern Of Sexual Misconduct”
A former coach of the U.S. taekwondo team was banned from the sport this week for sexual misconduct. The ban of Jean Lopez, which is not yet permanent, was based on a report done by the U.S. Center for SafeSport, an organization created by the U.S. Olympic Committee to investigate sexual abuse. Lope...
The <i>L.A. Weekly</i>'s Cheesy Astroturfing Campaign Against Its Former Writers Can't Stop The Boycott
In the four months since a mysterious group of rich people took over the L.A. Weekly, news outlets across the country have continued to experience brutal cuts to newsroom staffs and other harsh austerity measures. More than 50 journalists from the East Bay Times and the San Jose Mercury News were la...
Gaze Upon This Mavericks Box Score, And Despair
The Dallas Mavericks, who have spent most of the season doing everything they can to lose games on purpose, fucked up big time on Tuesday night when they beat a very good, playoff-bound Blazers team. This gave them 24 victories on the season, and put them in danger of being passed in The Great Tank ...
CMU Soccer Player Rescues Drowning Squirrel, Revives It With CPR Thanks In Part To <i>The Office</i>
In a heartwarming tale of a college freshman doing something right, Central Michigan women’s soccer player Natalie Belsito saved a drowning critter on campus. She credited the successful rescue to an episode of The Office....