pe Page 667 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Roger Federer Could Never Get Bored Of This
A friend of mine pointed out that Mirka Federer, after attending her 30th Grand Slam final, still bothered to record the trophy ceremony for her husband—whose every offhand utterance, let alone metal-hoisting victory speech, is documented by a flickering panopticon of cameras and instantly cemented ...
Cops Closed 2004 Case After Larry Nassar Said What He Did Was Medical Treatment
All Larry Nassar had to do to get investigators off his case in 2004 was say he was doing medical treatment, according to police documents released by Meridian Township police. The reports, released today, catalogue the steps police took when Brianne Randall (now Brianne Randall-Gay) came to them wi...
Philly Columnist Puts Out Some Incomprehensible Shit About Aaron Hernandez And The Patriots
Former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez has been dead for nearly a year. He’s been out of the NFL since 2012, was put away for life in 2015, and realistically, the time to litigate Aaron Hernandez has long since passed. The Philadelphia Inquirer’s Bob Brookover disagrees....
South Carolina Governor Desperately Wants To Find A Way To Fuck The National Anthem
If you’re in South Carolina on Super Bowl Sunday and you hear the national anthem start, stand up and yell every last word, or else the patriotism police will take you to the office of Governor Henry McMaster for a spanking. Today McMaster issued a proclamation, which means nothing, that everyone in...
Philly Cops Won’t Grease Poles For The Super Bowl Because It Didn’t Work Anyway
If the Eagles do the unthinkable and actually win the Super Bowl, Philadelphians will rush out onto the streets in celebration. If they want to climb some light poles to celebrate, they will be able to do so unencumbered: Philadelphia Police Commissioner Richard Ross announced today that the city wo...
Tell Us How You Wash Your Face
Some people have “good” skin, some people have “bad” skin, some people just don’t give a shit about the visible condition of their skin. Personally, I have what I call “problem skin” and boy, do I like buying a bunch of random chemicals to try to beat it into submission....
There Seems To Be A Problem With Those "Unopenable" Olympic Piss Test Bottles
When you pee into a drug tester’s cup at the Olympics, you don’t just pee into a plastic cup labeled “ATHLETE PISS,” you pee into state-of-the-art BEREG-KIT Geneva bottles made by Swiss manufacturer Berlinger. They have a locking top that can only be opened by a machine that destroys them, which wou...
LPGAer And Frequent Trump Golf Partner: "He Cheats Like Hell"
Suzann Pettersen, with 15 LPGA Tour wins to her name, is also a good friend of Donald Trump. Has been for a decade. So when she talks about him being an inveterate cheater at golf, understand that she’s painting just about the most sympathetic picture possible of his game....
Oh Shit, The Clippers Traded Blake Griffin To Detroit
Blake Griffin will soon have a harder time getting guest appearances on Comedy Central shows, because according to Adrian Wojnarowski, the Clippers have traded Griffin to the Detroit Pistons in exchange for Tobias Harris, Avery Bradley, Boban Marjanovic, and a pair of picks....
The Antarctic Expedition That Included Alex Honnold Sounds Frigid And Terrifying
Antarctica is mostly known as a snowy wasteland, an island at the bottom of the world with nothing but ice and the odd penguin here and there. While it is covered in a few kilometers of ice, there is a continent underneath it all, and a rather mountainous one at that. Where there are mountains, ther...
Tom Brady Cuts WEEI Interview Short Because Host Called His Kid An "Annoying Little Pissant"
It’s Super Bowl week and Tom Brady will ignore all off-the-field distractions. Almost. This morning, during his weekly appearance on a WEEI radio show featuring people who have repeatedly accused Adam Jones of fabricating the racist incidents he said he experienced in Boston, called Erin Andrews a “...
Roger Federer Wins Australian Open For 20th Slam Title
Old man Roger Federer beat sixth-seeded Marin Cilic 6-2, 6-7, 6-3, 3-6, 6-1 in the Men’s Singles final at the Australian Open, for his 20th career Grand Slam title. Per ESPN:...
Caroline Wozniacki Captures First Grand Slam Title On 43rd Try
Caroline Wozniacki defeated top-seeded Simona Halep 7-6, 3-6, 6-4 to win the Australian Open Saturday. This was Wozniacki’s third Grand Slam final, and her 43rd major, and just her first Grand Slam title. 43 attempts is fourth-most ever before a first win in Women’s Open Era history; I am getting lo...
Lou Williams Isn't An All-Star, But He Definitely Rules
It’s not every day that a bench player on a middling squad makes the news for not being selected to an All Star game, but here we are:...
DeMarcus Cousins's Injury Fucking Blows
Last season, the trade of DeMarcus Cousins from Sacramento to New Orleans realigned the league just in time to lend some shape to the NBA’s annual trade deadline; the feelings of Sacramento Kings fans notwithstanding, that was a vastly happier way for Cousins to find himself functioning as the start...
DeMarcus Cousins To Miss Rest Of Season With Torn Achilles
The Pelicans will play the rest of the season without their star big man after DeMarcus Cousins tore his left Achilles tendon trying to rebound his own free throw miss with just ten seconds remaining in New Orleans’s game against Houston tonight....
The Very Real Daniel Cormier-Stipe Miocic Heavyweight Superfight Is Going To Rule So Hard
Daniel Cormier and Stipe Miocic both enjoy such dominance over their divisions (light heavyweight and heavyweight, respectively) that there aren’t really that many interesting opponents for either man to fight. Both won their UFC 220 title fights against overhyped power punchers with comical ease, a...
Even Larry Nassar Does Not Deserve To Be Raped In Prison
Like many Americans, Jan Lastocy was watching the Larry Nassar sentencing hearing this week. She listened to Judge Rosemarie Aquilina....
Betsy DeVos Rolled Back Title IX Protections Two Days After Hanging Out With MSU President<em></em>
It can be hard to keep track of how many different pieces of news broke today, all of them illuminating one larger point—Michigan State really didn’t want to try too hard, if at all, to prevent or investigate sexual assault or gender violence on its campus, and they were especially reluctant to do s...
Roger Federer Buried Hyeon Chung And His Blisters
The semifinal between Roger Federer and breakout Hyeon Chung had little chance of being a close match, something like dropping a tired, brave guppy into the mouth of a shark and hoping something interesting might happen. Due in part to Chung’s blisters—built up over two weeks of tough matches and pl...