pe Page 719 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Soccer Guy Loses Mind After Game, Suddenly Thinks He's In A Kung Fu Movie
Look closely and you can see the exact moment that Mumbai City striker Thiago Cunha, mere moments after losing on aggregate to Atlético de Kolkata in the Indian Super League semifinals, completely forgets that he’s in a soccer game and instead becomes convinced that he’s the star of some martial art...
The 300-Year Journey From Classical Standard To Gay Disco Anthem To The Most Iconic Anthem In Soccer
The first leg of the 1994 UEFA Cup Winners’ Cup semi-final between Arsenal and Paris Saint-Germain at the Parc Des Princes was rife with the tensions of early ‘90s provincial fandom. “The Boulogne Boys [PSG’s right-wing hooligan supporters] were looking for Arsenal fans to attack in the build-up to ...
Cuban Pitcher Cionel Perez On Signing With The Astros: "I Feel Abused By This System"
It can be a little dubious when professional athletes making literal millions complain about being treated unfairly. But within the highly skewed relative universe of superstar signing bonuses, international baseball amateurs have a distinctly viable grievance....
Rick Perry's Glasses Qualify Him For Important Science Post, Building Nukes<em></em><em></em>
Rick Perry, a swaggering idiot who found a pair of glasses on the street one day, is about to become the head of the Department of Energy, according to CBS News. The Department of Energy’s job right now is to develop the next generation of nuclear weapons. What this means practically speaking, of co...
My Combo Of The Year
It’s time to announce my combo of the year. ...
Patrik Laine Slaps Game-Winner, Right Into His Own Net<em></em>
Winnipeg Jets rookie Patrik Laine’s 17 goals in 32 games puts him third overall in scoring this season. After last night’s game against the Edmonton Oilers, he could have moved up a spot, but NHL players don’t get credit for accidental goals on their own net....
This <i>Seinfeld</i> Reboot Sucks
Donald Trump, who will be spending the next four years traveling around the country doing stand-up, took some time today to give his hungry constituents what they crave: good, clean observational humor. ...
Derek Carr's Pass Did Not Hit A Camera Wire
A potentially huge moment in last night’s game resulted in a thud, when Raiders receiver Amari Cooper got turned around by a weirdly fluttering long throw, and couldn’t track down what might’ve gone for a big touchdown. Based on the video, some fans are wondering if the ball might’ve clipped a wire ...
Let's Share Our Petty Stories About Famous People Acting Uncool
A very long time ago, during George W. Bush’s first term as president, Dick Cheney came into the Northern Virginia bookstore where I worked. Just surly old then-Vice President Dick Cheney and maybe a handful of (identifiable, visible) Secret Service dudes, coming into the bookstore on a weekend afte...
Actual Body Expert Says Draymond Green's Excuses For Balls-Kicking Don't Hold Up
Draymond Green, whose feet regularly find the sensitive fleshy bits between his opponents’ legs, has taken a pretty self-righteous tack in his response to critics: Green says the people who make the rules for the NBA just don’t get how human bodies work....
CEO Of Airline Involved In Chapecoense Plane Crash Arrested
It is appearing increasingly likely that the plane crash in Colombia that killed 71 of its 77 passengers, including most of the Brazilian soccer team Chapecoense, happened because of an act of negligence. Supporting this growing realization is the fact that the CEO of the airline was arrested last n...
Send A Holiday Card To A Prison Rape Survivor
There are many worthy charities to redeem your soul this holiday season, and here is one that doesn’t cost anything: you can send a holiday card to a survivor of prison rape....
Kickboxer Who May Actually Be Captain Falcon Ends Fight With Flying Knee Strike
If you played as Captain Falcon in Super Smash Bros, you could K.O. opponents with a wild jumping knee strike lovingly dubbed the “knee of justice.” I never thought I’d see someone pull it off in real life, but here we are....
Wily Old Soccer Dude Scores Brilliant Fake-Out Penalty Kick
This is 40-year-old Lee Trundle, the rare Englishman famous for doing cool, tricky shit with the ball, showing that sometimes an old dog can teach himself new tricks:...
It's Bryce Petty Time
The New York Jets still have four games left to play, but last night’s no-show against the Colts was an effective and fitting end to their season. The Jets are 3-9 now, and whatever combination of luck and competence that got them to a 10-6 record last season is nowhere to be found....
It's Bryce Harper Contract Panic Season Because Baseball Is Good
Bryce Harper won’t be a free agent until after the 2018 season, but that doesn’t mean it’s too early for everyone to start stressing the hell out over how much money he is going to cost. According to USA Today’s Bob Nightengale, the Nationals have already started discussing a possible extension with...
Chip Kelly Explains Why He Benched Colin Kaepernick
Blame it on the snow, but that was barely football....
Marquette King Earns Penalty For Celebrating With Flag Thrown For Roughing The Kicker
Marquette King is a one-man anti-No Fun League machine, and the Raiders punter made it count late in Oakland’s game against Buffalo today by taking the flag thrown against Corey White for roughing—one that extended the drive and sealed a Raiders win—and celebrating with it....
Gus Johnson Calls Penn State Win "A Milestone In The Healing Process"
As time expired on Penn State’s win over Wisconsin in tonight’s Big Ten championship game, Fox announcer Gus Johnson tried to capture the gravity of the moment—and the Nittany Lions’ first conference title since 2008—but managed to utter some regrettable words about it being a “milestone in the heal...