pe Page 904 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Bruins Are Toying With The Penguins, And Here's Why
It took 28 seconds for the Bruins to score first in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference finals. It took even less time than that for Sidney Crosby and the Penguins to shit their pants....

Boston Pilot Uses Crying Baby To Drop A Burn On Sidney Crosby
This tweet comes to us from Dan Roche, who covers the Bruins for WBZ and was flying back to Boston this morning after watching the B's dismantle the Penguins in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference finals. It's probably the only decent joke that has ever been told by a pilot....

Roger Federer Booted From The French Open In Straight Sets
And there goes Roger Federer in straight sets. His loss to Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in the quarterfinals was 7-5, 6-3, 6-3, and it took less than two hours to complete. It was a blowout, just like Federer's straight set loss to Novak Djokovic in the semis last year. ...

Night For Joe Louis: Red Smith On Rocky Marciano's Knockout
Red Smith is the most respected sports columnist we've ever had. In his prime, Jimmy Cannon, Smith's friendly rival, was certainly as well-known. Cannon, the Voice of New York, was an emotional, colloquial writer whose reputation, unfortunately, has faded. But Smith endures. What is it about his wri...

Gentlemen, Start Your Coffins
Another good one—Rick Reilly's 1986 SI tribute to the columnist Jim Murray—"King of the Sports Page":...

Navy Is Investigating A Rape Allegation Against Three Football Players
No charges have been filed, but according to The New York Times, the Naval Academy has confirmed the existence of an ongoing inquiry into allegations that three football players raped a female midshipman at an April 2012 off-campus party. One of the three players has had his graduation and commissio...

Miracle Of Coogan's Bluff: Red Smith On The Shot Heard ‘Round The World
Red Smith is the most respected sports columnist we've ever had. In his prime, Jimmy Cannon, Smith's friendly rival, was certainly as well-known. Cannon, the Voice of New York, was an emotional, colloquial writer whose reputation, unfortunately, has faded. But Smith endures. What is it about his wri...

The 111-Year-Old Yankees Fan Is Probably Lying About His Age
It was the ultimate photo op: Derek Jeter, the face of the Yankees, meeting Bernando LaPallo, who at 111 years old would be older than than Yankees franchise itself. Like every other good thing, it's probably not true. LaPallo's age is very much in dispute, and he's been accused of lying about it to...

Maloof Family Thanks Sacramento In Newspaper Ad
Years of prayers were finally and officially answered: as of Friday, the Maloofs are no longer NBA owners. Sure, they drove the team into the ground, and sure, they did everything possible to sell the franchise to an owner who would move it from Sacramento, and sure, just two weeks ago George Maloof...

Reporter Gets In A "Tongue Twat" Trying To Congratulate Cliff Lee
Cliff Lee recorded career strikeout number 1600 yesterday, and Philadelphia reporter Sigourney McCreaf wanted to relay some fans' congratulations to Lee on the Phillies postgame show. Unfortunately, she got her tongue all twatted up. ...

Hold that Tiger
From Stanley Woodward's great memoir, Paper Tiger, here's how the legendary newspaper editor lured Red Smith and Joe Palmer to the New York Herald Tribune:...

Matt Cooke's Dirty Hit Last Night Got A Fan Kicked Out Of His Band
In yesterday's NHL Eastern Conference finals game between the Boston Bruins and Pittsburgh Penguins, the Bruins crushed the Pens in Pittsburgh, 3-0, to take a 1-0 series lead. The biggest uproar from the night, however, may have come following a vicious, illegal hit early in the second period. ...

The Best-Kept Secret
Another sure-shot for you—David Owen's 1982 Esquire piece on the late, great Murray Kempton: ...

Don't Mess With Texas
If you've never read it, this is a treat: Gary Cartwright's classic 1968 piece for Haper's: "Confessions of a Washed-Up Sportswriter." Here we have a first-hand account of Bud Shrake, Dan Jenkins, Blackie Sherrod and the legendary Forth Worth Press in the Fifties:...

Taste Test: Uncrustables. What Does The Crustless PB&J Say About Us?
One of parenthood's myriad challenges, as any parent will attest, is finding the time in one's overscheduled, playdate- and tedious-errand-choked day to make weirdo peanut-butter-and-jelly-stuffed pierogi to foist upon our frightened and sobbing children. Thankfully, somebody at The J.M. Smucker Co...

Is The Scripps National Spelling Bee Evil?
NATIONAL HARBOR, Md.—That fucking bell. There’s always a split-second between the moment a contestant at the Scripps National Spelling Bee finishes a word and the moment that bell rings out, and in that split-second you can see everything: panic, fear, terror, embarrassment, denial, anger ... all of...


Check Out Jaromir Jagr At 18, When He First Got To Pittsburgh
In 1990, Jaromir Jagr arrived as a Penguins rookie from the former Czechoslovakia looking every bit like the dude from that one A-ha video. With the 41-year-old Bruins winger back in town for the Eastern Conference finals beginning tomorrow, the Pittsburgh-Post Gazette's photo Tumblr performs a publ...

Help! My Couch Is Humiliating!
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....

Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <em>Super Why!</em>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke....