pee Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Athletes at the Republican National Convention
This year’s Republican convention, like its Democratic counterpart, will also look unlike any other. The party was supposed to hold its event in Charlotte, and then Jacksonville, before moving the proceedings online....
Check Out The Wheels On This Pumpkin Thief
Yesterday, D.C. writer Topher Mathews posted about the pumpkin on his doorstep. Specifically, he posted about how someone had stolen his pumpkin. It happens all the time! However, I have to say that I am pretty sure most pumpkin thefts are not this funny....
Get Ready For The New Olympic Sport That's Basically Spider-Man Speedrunning
Several sports will debut at next summer’s Tokyo Olympics, with the uniting theme of making the Games gnarlier. Skateboarding and surfing are the obvious headliners, but you should be aware of another extra-cool sport that’ll make its first appearance: speed climbing....
Daniil Medvedev's Perfect Loser's Speech Completed His Transformation From Villain To Darling
Tennis is the only sport where the loser of a championship has to stand next to the winner and praise them. It’s a contrived performance, and often feels unfair because the loser is judged not only on how courteously they accept a wrenching defeat, but also on how insightful they are in the moments ...
Eric Cantona Gives Instantly Iconic, Batshit Insane Speech At UEFA Award Show
“As flies to wanton boys, we are for the gods. They kill us for sport,” was how soccer legend Eric Cantona, quoting Shakespeare, began his wholly and fittingly insane acceptance speech after being handed the UEFA President’s Award today. And it only got weirder from there:...
Carl Gunnarsson's Pissing Prediction Led To A Boston Pee Party
“Tonight it was hard, so I’m happy about that,” Oskar Sundqvist said, and he was talking about a shot, thank goodness. Specifically, teammate Carl Gunnarsson’s OT goal to give the Blues a 3-2 win and knot up the Stanley Cup Final at a game apiece....
Respect Is Poison: A Message To The Class Of 2019
I have a story to tell you about being Mad Online. This isn’t really a fitting, celebratory story for you, the graduating class of 2019. You’re currently clad in your caps and your gowns, surrounded by loved ones, forced to endure one final round of grueling lectures from a cadre of respected gradua...
Who Is We?
This past December, the New York Times ran a perfectly anodyne post promoting a new episode of The Daily, its popular podcast, and found itself mildly embarrassed. The problem wasn’t the actual substance of what it had published, a straightforward accounting of how the national-security establishmen...
More Than You Probably Wanted To Know About The Rules On A Puck Hitting A Ref's Dick And Balls
Just an excellent hockey highlight from Tuesday’s 4-3 Blues win over the Panthers, as St. Louis defenseman Robert Bortuzzo—fresh off of beating the hell out of a teammate in practice—tried to dump in a puck and ended up banking it off of referee Tim Peel’s biscuits, past goalie Roberto Luongo, and i...
"Hold On, Hazel! I Had To Pee!"
Cleveland manager Terry Francona was a little delayed in his mid-inning dugout interview during Saturday’s Game 2 against the Astros, as he timed his bathroom break poorly. That’s how the TBS backhaul caught him buttoning up his pants as he scrambled up to the top step....
Fastest Shed Crushes Fastest Shed's Speed Record
Imagine you are in a small building. The building has wheels. The building can move—vroom, vroom. The building has an engine that has recently exploded and resulted in months of mechanical issues afterward. Now imagine that you are in this building and you are making it do what Kevin Nicks did on S...
I Have The Worst Pet Peeve
Okay. Okay. So. An ugly and kind of dumb but real thing that sometimes happens in the life of a more-or-less normal person is, you had the idea that you and your longtime pal Hubert were meeting up for Special Pal Beers together, like in old times, just the two old pals, but then you find out that y...
Terrell Owens Is Right To Feel Insulted
Terrell Owens has a point. In his Hall of Fame speech, given at the University of Chattanooga, during his own, unprecedented off-site ceremony, Owens described the process that delayed his induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame like this:...
Randy Moss Wore A Good Tie To The Hall Of Fame Ceremony
Randy Moss wore a tie to Saturday’s Pro Football Hall of Fame ceremonies showing the names of black men and women and children who were either killed by police or died under suspicious circumstances while in police custody. Moss didn’t bring it up during his animated 17-minute speech, but he had an ...
Ray Lewis's Hall Of Fame Speech Was Actual Frothing Madness
Ray Lewis was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame on Saturday. He gave a speech. It was an exhausting performance, and not just because Lewis was stomping around the stage and holding poses with all the staccato swagger of the lead singer of an ‘80s hair metal band, mid-ballad. It was also a...
Hell Is Real, And It's The Infield Of The Indy 500
“Where are you going? Heaven or hell?” asked a billboard beside a typically dull stretch of Interstate 65 halfway from Chicago to Indianapolis. Twenty miles south came another sign, this one more urgent than the last, a warning spelled out in white block type against a black background: “HELL IS REA...
Rich Hill Wants To Pitch With Tape On His Finger So He Doesn't Have To Pee On It
To scroll through photos of Rich Hill pitching is to see a man who appears to be in extreme pain while performing normal functions of his job. This could just be a Pitchface scenario—every pitcher’s got one, and while Hill looks anguished in the act of pitching, he’s not quite in R.A. Dickey territo...
Man Nonchalantly Pisses On Plane Seat And Himself
A passenger on a Frontier Airlines flight from Denver to Charleston, S.C. Thursday was arrested and charged after he touched his female seatmate, was moved to a different part of the cabin, and then peed all over himself while still seated....