people Page 87 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
<em>Step Up 4</em> Starring Clayton Kershaw Had A Disappointing Opening Weekend
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Skiing Through New York Blizzard At 40 MPH Is Exhilarating, Terrifying
The Snowpocalypse looks even more like a Mad Max wasteland when you tow a dude on skis down Park Avenue at high speed....
The Dougie Is Dead, And Drew Stanton Killed It
After a long illness, The Dougie passed away at 1:40 yesterday afternoon. Drew Stanton was by its side. In lieu of flowers, please send ideas for a new novelty dance....
What Objects Are We Putting In Our Rectums?
Let's have some more fun with the Sun-Sentinel's emergency room database, shall we? Here's a list of various objects that in various contexts were lodged in various rectums. Verbatim:...
Another Children's Treasury Of Bizarre Injuries
Last year, we brought you some highlights from the Sun-Sentinel's database of emergency room visits. They've updated it for the holidays, so we've picked it through for some of the stranger hospitalizations....
Ryan Zimmerman's Wedding Dance Should Be The Next Dougie
The Nationals' non-Strasburg franchise player attended the wedding of a high school teammate over the weekend, and it was was of those "wacky" ceremonies where the wedding party has choreographed entrances. Zim didn't let them down....
Crazy Old Coots Still Bemoaning Felix Hernandez's Cy Young Award
Joe Morgan may be gone, but his ignorant spirit lives on. Murray Chass and Phil Rogers wonder how in the world Hernandez could be the best pitcher if he didn't have the most wins. Yes, we're still having this damn discussion....
Lovable Old Coach Speaks Only In Yells And Similes
Montana Tech football coach Bob Green announced his retirement yesterday. After 24 years with the NAIA Diggers, he's as established a walking soundbite as he is a coach....
Cranky Old Man Chides Everyone For Enjoying YouTube Clip
Frank Deford on that whimsical middle school trick play: "It wasn't genius at all; rather, it was a form of child abuse."...
Colin Cowherd Keeps Fucking That Chicken (UPDATE)
Yesterday, on the heels of John Wall's first career triple-double in his sixth career game, Colin Cowherd once again took to the airwaves to air his grievance about Wall's play. It was tasteful; he invoked Wall's dead dad and everything....
The Woozy, Loogie-Hocking Aftermath Of The New York City Marathon: A Video
Finishing a marathon is an amazing accomplishment. It is also, as that David Fleming story reminded us, a rather dehumanizing and soul-crushing endeavor. As far as we know, the New York City Marathon was poop-free this year, but wobble-free? Not at all....
Prep Schoolers Up In Arms Over Plebeian Reporter Pointing Out That Their Crappy Football Team Sucks
The Sidwell Friends football team has been outscored 373-43 this season. When Washington City Paper columnist Dave McKenna pointed that out, he learned that the school's tony pansies are way feistier on the Internet than they are on the field....
Colin Cowherd's Asinine John Wall Rant, With Video Accompaniment
On Tuesday, John Wall played his first home game as a Washington Wizard. During his introduction, he came out to "Teach Me How To Dougie" and performed the accompanying dance. Colin Cowherd was less than thrilled because Colin Cowherd is an asshole....
Why Is Shaq Acting Like A Statue In Boston?
The Big Aristotle headed out to Harvard Square today and...stood still. For some reason. He announced his plans on Twitter, of course, and crowds soon engulfed the struggling actor and sometime law enforcement official....
How San Francisco: Grandma Loves Baseball Team, BDSM
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
An Examination Of Obnoxious Yankees Fandom In Three Parts
It's easy to say that Yankees fans are boorish and uncouth, but so are most teams' fans. However, nobody does boorish and uncouth on national TV like Yankees fans....
With $110 Million Settlement, Elin Nordegren Can Finally Replace That Busted Car Window
Elin Nordegren reportedly received $110 million in her divorce settlement. That's 11 times more than No. 1 mistress Rachel Uchitel received from No. 2 golfer Tiger Woods. In a just world, it would have been 17 times more. Or 19?...
Everything That's Wrong With College Tailgates In One Picture
This picture, snapped sometime before Saturday's Ohio State-Wisconsin game, is so, so bad, it has to be a joke. Right?...
Breaking: Poynter Still A Collection Of Media Bores Who Wouldn't Know A Joke If It Held A Two-Hour Seminar On "Humor In The Media"
Hey, Gregory Favre and the rest of the Poynter Tight-Ass Marching and Chowder Society: This? It was a joke....
Stereotypical Laxer Is Not At All Stereotypical, Says Stereotypically Annoying <em>New York Times</em> Story
Yesterday's NYT slobjob of professional laxer Paul Rabil argues that he represents "a different way to think about lacrosse players." He's a big shaggy-haired white dude who went to an all-boys Catholic school in Maryland. Wow, what a brogue....