phillies Page 29 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dear Philadelphia Fans: Tase Yo'selves Before You Wreck Yo'selves
It seemed a bit excessive to zap the towel-waving teenage scamp at CBP, but the black hearts of Phillies fans really could use some seizure-causing high voltage right now....
Last Night's Winner: Philadelphia Bloodlust
In sports, everyone is a winner - some people just win better than others. Like Philly's desire to Taser this copycat attention whore who ran onto the field, which is actually better than he deserves....
And Now, The Taser Video You've All Been Waiting For
Ah, baseball. The crack of the bat. The feel of the grass. The smell of burning hair, as 1200 volts of electricity course through a 17-year-old's nervous system....
Vomiting Phillies Fan's Uncle Would Like Us To Do...Something
Ever since we've started covering the story of Matthew Clemmens, best known for allegedly vomiting on an 11-year old girl, and rocking "Material Girl" at karaoke, his uncle has been pestering us about...well, we're not really sure what he wants....
Family Rushes To Vomiting Fan's Defense In Eminently Quotable Fashion
Now I'm no Perry Mason, but I'd say that if your defense rests in part on there being a distinction between a right person and a wrong person on whom to ralph, your case is lost already....
Apropos Of Nothing, Here's Phillies Vomit Kid Doing Madonna Karaoke
Mean-spirited? Yeah, a little. Only tangentially related to sports? Sure. But fuck it. Here's Matthew Clemmens (stage name: Pukemon) with "Material Girl."...
A Blow-By-Blow Account Of The Vomiting Phillies Fan
In our #tips section, we received a purported firsthand account from someone sitting in the same section as Matthew Clemens, the New Jersey man accused of throwing up on an 11-year-old girl. We reprint it here for your reading pleasure....
Last Night's Winner: Not This Guy
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Unlike this Phillies fan, who on Wednesday at Citizens Bank Park allegedly jammed his fingers down his throat and vomited on an 11-year-old girl and her father....
Phillies' Season Officially Kicked Off By Lap Dance For The Handicapped
It's a couple days old, but we needed time to come to terms with this video of a man in a Jazzy Scooter getting ridden by one of Philly's, um, Phinest. [via Busted Coverage]...
Philadelphia Phillies: 10,000 Losses
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The Philadelphia Phillies....
Spring Training Win Way More Important Than Silly "World Series"
According to awesomely free Philly Metro, a ninth-inning rally by Wilson Valdez exacts "some measure of revenge" for the Yankees beating them at that whole "world championship" thing last fall. I guess one micron counts as "some measure."...
Facial Hair Most Pressing Issue In NL Champs Camp
Jayson Werth's beard has been the talk of Phillies spring training. Because this is clearly more important than a lack of a bullpen, there's already an official site for photoshops. [Jayson Werth Beards]...
The Astros Are Confident Brett Myers Won't Punch His Wife In The Face Anymore
"We did our due diligence, we talked to the Phillies, we talked to Brett and we're satisfied that this is not going to be an ongoing problem." [Philly.com]...
Roy Halladay's "Dear John" Letter To Toronto
The Phillies' newest acquisition took out a full page ad in the Toronto Sun today to tell loyal Blue Jays fans, "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: Six million, if you count the greater metro area."...
Overzealous Phillies Fan Gets Her Day In Court
The woman accused of offering sex for World Series tickets had a preliminary hearing, featuring graphic testimony and topless photos. The dog wasn't part of either. We hope....
And It Appears The Phillies Are Close To Landing Roy Halladay
WHAT? So confused. Three-way trade with Seattle? Cliff Lee to Seattle? Roy Halladay to Phillies? Little people to Toronto? Somebody make some goddamn sense already. [Philly.com]...
Yankee Bromances Abundant In City Of Sleeplessness
I can't really condemn these scruffy-faced Yankee fans for their jubilant man-love after the Yankees World Series victory. I probably made out with at least three dudes at Dirty Frank's last year after the Phillies won....
The One Where The Spirited Phillies Fan Leaves Us A Phone Message
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another...
Spirited Phillies Fan Still Confused By How Internet Works
This Angry Woman is lashing out at you monsters for your "disgusting display of immature rudeness" and something-something-something about her YouTube video which she removed. Visit her in the comments section at your own risk. [Deadspin]...
Oh Dear God My Eyes And Ears
I'm withholding comment on this video of one really, really supportive Phillies fan. You don't have to withhold yours....