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France's Women Are On A Mission To Establish Worldwide Soccer Dominance
If the 100 percent non-existent aliens that purportedly flit about Earth’s skies were in fact real, and if they somehow mustered enough gumption in their lily liver-equivalent alien organs to descend upon the far superior human race and challenge us to a pair of soccer matches—one men’s, one women’s...
Blues Honor Rent-A-Car Company With Color Guard Flag, Then Quietly Dishonor It
You might think sports are about sports. No. They’re about the troops. And America. And sometimes Canada too, but rarely in the NHL playoffs. But how can you prove, if you’re a team in, say, the Stanley Cup Final, that you really care about America and its uniformed services? (If you go one day with...
Nobody Has It Better Than Liverpool
Along the vast spectrum of possible states a soccer club could exist in, there is a vanishingly small patch that, for my tastes, qualifies as ideal....
Should WWE Actually Be Worried About AEW?
There’s panic in the streets of Stamford, Connecticut. Or, anyway, there’s a sense that change is coming for the famously change-averse WWE after a ten-day period that could signal the start of a new era in professional wrestling. All it took to rattle WWE was for a new promotion—in this case, All E...
Mesut Özil Has Become Arsenal's Most Expensive Liability
As he walked off the field in Baku during Arsenal’s embarrassing performance in the Europa League final, the relatively paltry numbers of Arsenal fans in attendance serenaded Mesut Özil with boos. Özil had just put in yet another lackluster performance in a big game for the Gunners, showing once aga...
The Scummy Bucs Tried To Keep Secret Their Failed Attempt To Get Millions From The BP Oil Spill Settlement
This is old, but so what. The more we can talk about how the Tampa Bay Buccaneers cooked their books in a failed attempt to claim settlement money from a far-off oil spill that didn’t actually affect them, the better. Turns out there’s one more twist to pass along: The Bucs sought to keep from publi...
Carl Gunnarsson's Pissing Prediction Led To A Boston Pee Party
“Tonight it was hard, so I’m happy about that,” Oskar Sundqvist said, and he was talking about a shot, thank goodness. Specifically, teammate Carl Gunnarsson’s OT goal to give the Blues a 3-2 win and knot up the Stanley Cup Final at a game apiece....
The Buccaneers Tried Accounting Tricks To Claim Money From The BP Oil Spill
This is something else: A federal appeals court rejected the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ attempt to secure nearly $20 million from a settlement fund designed to compensate victims of the 2010 Deepwater Horizon oil spill, on the grounds that the Bucs tried to use some shady-ass accounting to justify their ...
Aston Villa Are Returning To The Premier League
Aston Villa have made their way back to the Premier League after defeating Derby County 2-1 at Wembley in the Championship playoff final. The club joins Norwich City and Sheffield United as the three clubs heading to the top flight and replacing Huddersfield Town, Fulham and Cardiff City....
A Good And Smart Preview Of A Wide-Open 2019 WNBA Season
Hockey is almost over, and the NBA is basically done, so now all we have to look forward to over these impending hot summer months is a World Cup, the ability to blast Bad Girls out of our apartment windows, and some goddamn WNBA basketball. That last thing starts tonight, folks! Let’s get to the pr...
Nike Called Out By Three Olympians Over Punitive Sponsorship Policy For Pregnant Athletes
American 800-meter specialist Alysia Montaño has won six national championships, but she may be most famous for running the 2014 race while eight months pregnant with her daughter. Montaño, a 2012 Olympian, also ran in 2017 while five months pregnant with her son. It takes incredible physical effort...
Colombian Soccer Player Found Dead Days After Family Reported Her Missing
Leidy Asprilla, a 22-year-old soccer player who had represented Colombia in youth international tournaments, was found dead off the side of a road yesterday. Her family reported her missing on Sunday after Asprilla left home to pick up a teammate for a training session but never arrived....
Did Cal Ripken Jr. Sign This Painting Of An Oriole By John Wayne Gacy?
For those of you clamoring for the autographs of both a serial killer and a Baseball Hall of Famer, here’s a way to, well, kill two birds with one stone. You can buy this “original acrylic painting of an Oriole by John Wayne Gacy, which prominently features the autograph of Cal Ripken Jr.” for $9,99...
The Bitter Life Of A Shattered Jockey: A Mostly True Story
The 1973 Philadelphia Sports Writers Association Awards banquet wasn’t lacking for starpower. Flyers legend Bobby Clarke, who became only the ninth player in NHL history to score 100 points with his 104-point 1972-73 campaign, was one of the honorees. So too was Penn State running back and newly-min...
Aaron Rodgers Really Didn't Like How <i>Game Of Thrones</i> Ended
Part-time Game of Thrones extra and full-time Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers talked to reporters at OTAs this afternoon and finally clarified which redshirt he was in the show’s fifth episode this season. He was not the archer (“That person definitely looked like me”), nor the running guy (“Total...
Be Horrified By Manchester City For The Right Reasons
On Saturday, Watford were set alight and consumed by flames in the latest sacrificial ritual attesting to the almighty powers of Manchester City. The smoke from that immolation announced City as champions of the F.A. Cup, winners of the first domestic treble in English soccer history, and legitimate...
Soccer Referee Dies After Suffering Heart Attack During A Match In Bolivia
Víctor Hugo Hurtado was refereeing Sunday’s Bolivian first division match between Always Ready and Oriente Petrolero when he collapsed on the pitch midgame due to a reported heart attack. Stadium support staff took Hurtado to a local hospital, where the 31-year-old suffered another heart attack and ...
Vincent Kompany Is Leaving Manchester City To Become Player-Manager Of Belgium's RSC Anderlecht
After 11 pretty darn successful seasons with Manchester City, Vincent Kompany wrote in an open letter on his Facebook page that the FA Cup final marked the end of his time at the club. In a follow-up post, he announced his next career endeavor would be becoming player-manager of Belgian club RSC And...
Ryan Pressly Seals MLB Record For Scoreless Appearances With Athletic Diving Throw
Over his last 39 consecutive appearances on the mound, Houston reliever Ryan Pressly’s ERA has been an utterly absurd 0.00. It’s a streak that started back in Aug. 15, 2018 against the Rockies (eat shit, Ley), and officially reached MLB-record heights on Friday against the Boston Red Sox. The scorel...
Happy Trails To Lazar Marković, A Hero To Underachievers Everywhere
Lazar Marković is not a good soccer player. It would even be fair to describe him as an actively bad one, at least relative to the level expected of players at the clubs that have paid him a sizable salary to do anything but play soccer for them these past few years. And yet, until today, Marković h...