pr Page 639 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

José Mourinho Burns Premier League Rivals In Funny Award Speech
Nobody does smug satisfaction better than this guy. Even if this was obviously written by someone else, it’s that textbook José Mourinho delivery that makes it all worthwhile....

Bah Gawd! It's An Al Horford-The Rock People's Elbow Mashup!
After Al Horford’s ejection for dropping The People’s Elbow on Matthew Dellavedova last night, it was only a matter of time before we compiled every angle of Horford’s move and mixed it in with some vintage footage of The Rock. And, yes, there’s the usual presence of “J.R.” Jim Ross in there too....

Dumb People Upset Championship Sunday Is Pre-Empting Their Reruns
Among the great things NBC has done since acquiring the Premiership rights in the U.S. is to air all ten matches of the final day of the season on the broad spectrum of NBC Universal-owned networks. That includes Syfy, Esquire, Oxygen, Bravo, and other networks that are usually airing some kind of g...

Jack Wilshere Rips Massive Half-Volley From Outside The Box
Arsenal are having an easy final day of the campaign against West Brom, and the Emirates crowd came to its feet for the Gunners’ third goal, a rocket half-volley off the boot of Jack Wilshere. ...

Drogba Carried Off By Teammates In Final Chelsea Match
Didier Drogba announced today’s match against Sunderland would be his last in a Chelsea uniform. After suffering an early “injury,” the Ivorian earned a hero’s treatment as his teammates lifted him up to carry him off the pitch....

Oops
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook....

Bryan Price Ejected From Game Before It Even Starts
Reds manager Bryan “Stick It Right Up My Ass” Price got himself ejected from today’s game against the Indians before it even started by picking an argument with the umpiring staff....

How Many Wins Do The Ducks Need Until They're Taken Seriously?
So what if these Ducks are for real? That isn’t meant to be an insulting question. They had a fantastic regular season, but we’ve seen that twice before, each time before playoff flameouts. They rolled through the first two rounds in the West, but they faced a pair of creampuffs. Their Game 1 win ov...

Aaron Hernandez Got A New Neck Tattoo In Prison
Aaron Hernandez was in court again today, entering a not-guilty plea to witness intimidation charges stemming from an incident when he allegedly shot his friend in the face for talking about those other guys he allegedly shot. Anyway, Aaron Hernandez got himself a new tattoo in prison....

Portuguese Soccer Fan Beaten By Police In Front Of His Son And Father
This weekend, Benfica fan José Magalhães attended an away match against Vitória Guimarães with his son and father. Outside of the stadium, he was thrown to the ground and repeatedly hit by a nightstick before being arrested by police. While the police allege he behaved in an unruly fashion, Magalhãe...

Bored Dummy Cesc Fàbregas Kicks Ball Into West Brom Player's Head
C’mon, Cesc. If you’re gonna pick a fight with someone, you gotta get up in his face. Don’t sit back and kick the ball at him like a little turd. (That being said, good aim, though.)...

Phil Jones Falling Down Chasing The Ball Is A Blast In Extreme Slow-Mo
Manchester United drew 1-1 with Arsenal yesterday in a battle of clubs fighting for third place in the Premiership, and the desire to win drove Man United defender Phil Jones to the ground in search of a ball that was just a bit too elusive—no matter how much crawling it took. But even from his hand...
England Has Been Invaded By Giant Insects
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook....

Marlins Man Is Everywhere
American Pharoah races to a Preakness win and sets up a shot at the Triple Crown, all while Marlins Man watches....

Pimlico Plumbing Problems Provoke Preakness Pee Pickle; Patrons Pissed
Bathroom lines have reached Wrigley-esque levels at Pimlico as fans trying to relieve themselves before the Preakness Stakes have struggled with busted plumbing as a result of a water main break near the race course....

Stadium Lied To; Fans, Players Cheer Title They Didn't Win
Strap yourselves in, because this story is batshit....

Leroy Fer Rocket Goal Puts QPR Up 2-1
Disaster struck for relegation-fighting Newcastle as QPR’s Leroy Fer launched an intercontinental missile to put the Magpies down 2-1:...

Sadio Mané Scores Hat Trick On Aston Villa In Less Than Three Minutes
In one of the most remarkable individual performances in professional soccer history, Southampton’s Sadio Mané managed to score three times on Aston Villa in less than three minutes. It’s still not the English league record, though. ...


<i>The Professional </i>Is Deeply Problematic, Profoundly Cool, And Very '90s
Imagine the elevator pitch for The Professional. “Okay, so we’ve got this hitman, right? Only he’s not a cool hitman: He’s great at killing, but he’s also childlike, off-kilter, possibly on the spectrum. He doesn’t really have any friends or talk to anyone outside of ‘work.’ We’ll make sure he doesn...