reel Page 92 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Chicago Blackhawks Kick Their Season Off With Boneheaded Own Goal
The Blackhawks were always going to lose here. Down two goals with fewer than 30 seconds left in the game usually means certain death. You don’t have to make it any worse by casually scooting the puck into your own net, my dudes....
![First Overall Pick Auston Matthews Scores Twice In First Five Minutes Of NHL Career [Update: He Scored Two More]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/pnawdgznmnedvfkk9on8.jpg)
First Overall Pick Auston Matthews Scores Twice In First Five Minutes Of NHL Career [Update: He Scored Two More]
Auston Matthews took the ice for the first time in his NHL career tonight against Ottawa, and immediately started scoring. Ten minutes into the first period, he popped up in the right place during a goalmouth scramble, and slipped his shot in....
Javy Baez Only Makes Spectacular Plays
The Giants finally remembered how to play offense and hit the baseball tonight, but Cubs second baseman Javy Baez is doing everything he can to shut them down. Baez only plays baseball at one million miles per hour, and he attacks approaching grounders like Jim Harbaugh attacks glasses of milk. ...
Amateur Soccer Man Secures His Spot In Heaven With This Majestic Goal
“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle,” Jesus Christ once remarked, “than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” He continued, “But if a soccer man doth line up and crack a sweet shot on goal, and find himself denied by the crossbar, yet resist the weapons of Lucifer as d...
Hitters Still Can't Touch Madison Bumgarner But A Pitcher Just Knocked One Of His Balls To Fiji
If failure is success in Silicon Valley, then Madison Bumgarner is a champion tonight. The Giants ace, last seen choking the life out of the Mets, is laying an egg in an must-win against the Cubs. He came into the game with a streak of 23 straight scoreless innings in elimination games, but managed ...
Hey, Cristiano Ronaldo Scored A Pretty Cool Goal!
Well, well, would you look at this. Global icon, all-time soccer great, and technological marvel (seriously, how did they make this android so convincingly human that it takes a solid 10 minutes or so of listening to him before you realize he was “born” in an evil scientist’s underground bunker?) Cr...
Female High School Kicker Drops The Boom On Kick Returner
It’s been a good season for kickers knocking the hell out of kick returners. Joining the parade today is Kelly Macnamara, a kicker for North Penn High School in Pennsylvania....
I Want To Hug And Kiss Derek Carr's Touchdown Passes
There are a lot of ways for a quarterback to become famous. You can be the crazy gunslinger; you can be the big-brained maestro; you can be the giant fuck who is impossible to sack; you can be the, uh, guy who ran into a butt. Through the first few weeks of this season, Raiders quarterback Derek Car...
Cody Kessler Injured On Brownsiest Of Browns Plays
More than ten yards to go for the first down? Check. Surrendering a safety? Check. Quarterback got hurt? Check. This play against the Patriots knocked Cody Kessler out with a chest injury and made what is already going to be a very bad day for the Browns even more painful....
Tennessee Forces Overtime With Improbable Comeback
This season’s cardiac kids performed magic in College Station again today as Tennessee forced overtime against Texas A & M thanks to forcing a fumble on what could have been a game-sealing play, marching 80 yards for a touchdown in just over a minute, then—we’re guessing here—using mind control to f...
Ivory Coast-Mali Has Had A Lightning First Half
The first half of today’s Africa Cup of Nations qualifier between Ivory Coast and Mali featured three outstanding golazos and one really, really bad own goal....
Pitt Offensive Lineman Scores Fat Guy Touchdown
Pitt’s Brian O’Neill runs 6'6", 300 lbs., and he also runs fast enough to score a touchdown that put the Panthers up 7-0 on Georgia Tech. All hail the fat guy touchdown!...
Wayne Gallman Scampers 59 Yards For The Touchdown
For a 6-foot-1 running back, Clemson’s Wayne Gallman can really move. He took this one 59 yards to the house, and made a nice cut, broke a tackle, and ran right by four defenders in the process. ...
The Blue Jays Clanged A Bushel Of Dongers Off Yu Darvish
Yu Darvish is in the process of serving up a plate of nice tasty meatballs for Blue Jays hitters to feast on. Troy Tulowitzki first took Darvish deep in the second inning for a pair of runs, after which the Rangers managed to claw one back to make it a one-run game. So Toronto responded by pinging t...
Indians Slap Three Dongs In Nine Pitches
The Cleveland Indians were down a run to the Boston Red Sox in the third inning of this evening’s game. Within a nine-pitch span, they went from trailing 2-1 to leading 4-2 after Roberto Pérez, Jason Kipnis, and Francisco Lindor all slapped solo dongs to right field....
Antoine Bethea Goes In For Big Hit, Ends Up Taking Out His Own Teammate
49ers safety Antoine Bethea got a little overzealous while going for the ball (ostensibly) on this play. Instead of getting the pick or landing a hit on Cardinals receiver J.J. Nelson, Bethea slammed teammate Tramaine Brock right in the head. Brock had just managed to break up the deep ball, and he ...
![French Announcer Absolutely Loses His Shit Calling Melvin Upton Jr.'s Big Dinger [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/aavu8g6999wrypgchkxc.jpg)
French Announcer Absolutely Loses His Shit Calling Melvin Upton Jr.'s Big Dinger [Update]
Zut alors! Le dinger!!!...
Madison Bumgarner Remains A Postseason Demigod
The San Francisco Giants are headed to the NLDS once again, after Madison Bumgarner shut down the Mets and the offense managed a lone moment of competence tonight to get the team a 3-0 win. The Even Year Gods have smiled down on the Giants once again, and they’re headed to Chicago just a few short w...
Edwin Encarnacion Hit A Walk-Off To Goddamn Mars To Put The Blue Jays Through
The Blue Jays beat the Orioles in the eleventh inning of tonight’s Wild Card game thanks to a huge three-run dinger from Edwin Encarnacion. Encarnacion was the third batter that Ubaldo Jimenez faced after he came into the game with one out in the eleventh. He allowed both baserunners to reach on sin...
Rude Jays Fan Throws A Beer At Hyun Soo Kim, Nearly Brains Him
An extremely rude Blue Jays fan tossed beer at Orioles left fielder Hyun Soo Kim as the Orioles closed out the seventh inning. It nearly hit him, and right after it hit the grass, Kim and Adam Jones immediately turned to the crowd and tried to identify the beer tosser....