review Page 586 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NFL Season Preview: Minnesota Vikings
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we're going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, running one every weekday, we have to start today. So there you have it....
Please Consult Your Employee Handbook
• The memo that changed our lives. The part where Skipper explains what a leader is, that's still our favorite one. • Tommy Morrison loves black people. • Kill the ref! No, seriously, they might kill him. • Fight, children, fight. • Joe Torre is a racist, don't ya know. • We are not going to Fire Is...
Dog Days Of All-Star Week
• What a dull week. • Not a happy time at Dan Shaughnessy's Amazon page. • Everywhere you look, there is Spike The Super Ball. • Kige Ramsey makes the world a better place. • Have a Coke and smile. • Jared Allen, signing things that aren't fun to have signed. • We hear Simmons is definitely doing an...
If You Were A Veggie Hot Dog, Would It Be OK To Eat Yourself?
• God, the hot dog eating championships are fun. • John Patterson, get thee to Canada. Don't tell Spencer Hawes! • 45 seconds ... starting NOW. • Cursing at Yankee Stadium? Now we've seen EVERYTHING! • Dan LeBatard would like to keep Harold Reynolds away from his women. • MJD left us, but he is not ...
Goodbye, MJD, Hello, Popular Redesign
• Our redesign went over like gangbusters, totally. We are working on it, promise. • God, we hate rain. • EIU wrestltng fever: CATCH IT. • Matt Geiger, pimp. • Pirate fan walkout? What Pirate fan walkout? • Goodbye, Rod Beck. • Dice-K rocks, sort of. • David Hirshey is not handling this Thierry Henr...
Chris Berman Talked To Us About Exercise
• Chase that cheese! • We hope to someday start a crime fighting squad with Harold Reynolds. • Hello, Sen. Dodd! • We love Laurence Maroney. • The Pirates love "The Sopranos." • Yet another tough week for Pac Man Jones. • Robots, on camels. • Gonna Make You Sweat. • So close now, Rick. So close. • E...
Everywhere You Look, Shirtless Kickers
• Welcome back, Harold. • We've officially come around on "The Sopranos" finale. • Lookin' sharp, Gators. • Call us, Andre. We can help. • Sorry: The Snorg Girl doesn't like you. • John Daly is the only interesting golfer. • Even cops like to make fun of Tony La Russa. • Oh, how we've missed Sinbad....
The Weekend's Big Winner, a Top 5 Ballot
As the weekend rolls to a close - and with newfound, mind-eroding respect for both MJD and Will for their work in these here parts - I find myself completely immersed in thinking back over this weekend. Here are the winners that stand out for me:...
It's More Difficult To Shake Off 24 Hours Of ESPN Than One Might Think
• As if you needed proof, watching ESPN for 24 hours is a bad idea. • Cleveland celebrated its trip to the NBA Finals ... • ... and then got off to a rather rough start. • Tank Johnson is a new man. • Gene Upshaw is a smooth operator. • Eric Mangini is ACTING! • Give blood, get drunk. • Gary Sheffie...
A-Rod Is Dead, Dawg
• Jose Canseco and his fake reality show] • Cheese wheel. • Nothing offensive about this, nope. • This lady? Never heard of her. Until now! • Ichiro is wacky. • Every party should have Mr. Met. • LeBron might be all kinds of amazing. • Here come the otters! HERE COME THE OTTERS! • Isiah Thomas, a bu...
Of Ping Pong Balls And Dogfights
• A-Rod likes his balls. • Carl Monday remains unstoppable. • Clinton Portis likes it when dogs fight. • Dan Shanoff live blogged the draft lottery, and it was not a happy night for Celtics fans. • AJ Hawk will be more careful about wedding photographers in the future. • NBC switches from playoff ov...
This Looks Like Our Prom Picture
• ESPN Mobile is indestructible. • Eric Mangini, trying to grapple with the Pats. • Brady Quinn, DANCIN'. • Ken Griffey Jr., having some fun with hecklers. • That whole suspension thing kind of mucked matters up. • It's Arena Football Day in Bristol! • Do not cheat if you're fishing. • Charming , La...
Greetings From The South Side!
• We really are gonna try to talk these guys into a Mattoon franchise. • Hee, hee, the Brewers put fingers in butts. • See ya, Chelsea. • ESPN is full of it. Who knew? • The Brewers will make you pee. • Yeah, not a smart bet, not at all. • We love a good Star Wars nerd. • Oh, boy, Roger Clemens is b...
We Wish We Had Relatives Like This
• Saying goodbye to Josh Hancock. • The Bermanator! • Adam Morrison, raging against the machine. • The Seventh Floor Crew is now getting paid. • Joe Thomas' aunt rules. • Why do we still pay attention to George Steinbrenner? • Yes, we have a Comment Ombudsman column. • Mike Vick ... don't you ever c...
Painting The Inside Corner
• We don't trust anything that bleeds for eight innings and doesn't die. • Michael Jordan, enjoying himself. • Michael Vick loves all of God's creatures. Well, the ones that win, anyway. • Goodbye, David Halberstam. • Does LAT health insurance cover this? • Seriously, kid, walk it off. • Alex Rodrig...
Week In Deadspin: Projectiles In Boston
• In Fenway they throw pizza, and in Toronto they throw beer. • Kids, this is what happens when you aren't good at soccer. • Pete Carroll is in much better shape than Will Ferrell. • Free Darko took us into the playoffs. • Bud Selig solves all racial inequality. • No-hitters are the best. • "Hey, ca...
Week In Deadspin: Like Pac Man, We're Taking Some Time Off
• What it was like at Fenway on Wednesday. • In case you're looking for some new employment opportunities. • Jon Bon Jovi, pissed! • Indians in Milwaukee? Wha? • The new ombudsman bitch-slaps Schrutebag. • Not a good week for ESPN Fantasy Games. • Maybe you should sit a few plays out, big guy. • Rem...
Week In Deadspin: We Can Watch Baseball Again
• Baseball's back! • Bill Simmons, staying above ground. • Nothing is funnier than when Frank Thomas pegs a child. • Even though the team's not looking so hot right now, Cardinals fans remain the best. • Beer bong! • Don't fag out on us now, Packer. • We never made it to Atlanta, but Florida didn't ...
Week In Review: Yes, Virgina, There Is A Final Four
• Screw off, Selig. • Goodbye, George Solomon. • Peyton Manning blows us away with his ability to be vaguely amusing. • Look what happens when you get these guys together in a room. • Dance, Gus Johnson, dance. • Duke ladies. • See ya, Joe Theismann. • You, too, can coach the Wolverines. • David Hir...
Your NL West "Preview"
Whew, last one. We'd like to point out a couple of the pictures above. First, we enjoyed choosing a picture of Tony Clark for the D-Backs one, considering he's the opposite of a Diamondback this year. Second: Steve Finley is on the Rockies? Wow!...