review Page 945 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Didn't We Just Do This? <em>The Amazing Spider-Man</em>, Reviewed.
1. The Amazing Spider-Man is less a reboot than a recital. It's professionally made and competent and sincere and well-acted, but it never quite overcomes the nagging sense that there's no reason for it to exist. Well, actually, there is a reason: Sony, to keep the rights to the character, needed to...
Steven Soderbergh Whips It Out. <i>Magic Mike</i>, Reviewed.
As Steven Soderbergh gets closer to the retirement he swears will be happening next year, it's tempting for us who love his movies to wish he'd go out with one last major opus, some sort of legacy-defining masterpiece. So maybe that's why it's good that he clearly doesn't seem interested in doing an...
A Plush Bear Stuffed With Crap. <em>Ted</em>, Reviewed.
1. Of the myriad problems with Ted, Seth MacFarlane's flaming, masturbating fart of a comedy, the biggest one is that the teddy bear at its center is neither cute nor funny. The movie thinks he's both. For the movie's promising central joke to work—that a boy's teddy bear comes to life and then grow...
Meet Timur Bekmambetov, The Loony Madman Behind <em>Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter</em>
Timur Bekmambetov, the director of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, might be insane. I don't mean that as an insult. The man behind Night Watch, Day Watch, and Wanted isn't interested in nuance or character or plot or basic human emotions. Watching his movies, you get the sense that he doesn't spend...
-8½. Woody Allen's <em>To Rome With Love</em>, Reviewed.
1. One of my favorite Roger Ebert quotes goes like this: "The Muse visits during the act of creation, not before. Don't wait for her. Start alone." That's to say: To create great work, you must first work. Not everything you create will be perfect; in fact, most of it won't be. But you can't wait fo...
Pixar Isn't Even Trying. <em>Brave</em>, Reviewed.
1. The brand Pixar has become so powerful and so reliable in the last decade that we forget that's all it is: A brand. We assume every new Pixar film will be well thought out and impeccably constructed, like the Pixar crew is one hivemind that taps into the American subconscious and springs a nevere...
You Whores: A Complete Guide To Woody Allen's Many Hooker Characters
When you've made over 45 films, it's pretty hard not to repeat yourself. Woody Allen's latest, To Rome With Love, which opens next Friday, has lots of now-familiar features: It's set in a touristy European city, it has a large cast (Alec Baldwin, Jesse Eisenberg, Ellen Page), and it deals with matte...
The Stupid, Stupid, Unforgettable Madness Of Adam Sandler. <em>That's My Boy</em>, Reviewed.
There are few things in modern cinema as reliable as an Adam Sandler movie. Since 1992, he's appeared in at least one film every year except for 1997, and just about all of them have been terrible. And yet there's something oddly comforting and exciting about the arrival of a new Sandler offering. I...
It Feels Like The First Time—Almost. <i>Prometheus</i>, Reviewed.
Prequels may be Hollywood's latest gimmick to repackage old franchises as new movies, but they have one definite advantage over traditional sequels. Whereas parts two, three, four, etc., of a series usually find the filmmakers coming up with plots that move further and further away from the story (a...
Ridley Scott: What's The Big Idea?
Next Friday, Prometheus opens, and it promises to be this summer's big sci-fi film. The ad campaign has been incredibly effective, and the movie features a great cast, including Charlize Theron and Michael Fassbender. But one of the movie's other main selling points is precisely the reason I'm worri...
Seriously, Cheer Up, Snow White. <i>Snow White and the Huntsman</i>, Reviewed.
For all the money that was spent on Snow White and the Huntsman, apparently there wasn't any allotment in the budget for enjoyment. This movie exists in an universe where any visual wonder can occur but not a single character ever cracks a smile. If you watch event movies lately, you know that there...
Twee's Company! Wes Anderson's Love Story, <em>Moonrise Kingdom</em>, Reviewed.
1. Wes Anderson is considered by many to be a cold, dispassionate filmmaker more interested in creating miniature worlds to run around and play in than creating well-rounded, relatable human beings to inhabit them. You constantly hear the word "dollhouse" referenced when people discuss Anderson, a t...
Will Smith, We've Missed You. <i>Men in Black 3</i>, Reviewed.
For all of the box-office success and critical acclaim Will Smith has found playing different characters, it's quite possible that Agent J is going to end up being his signature role. Sure, he played Muhammad Ali, but his performance in Men in Black was the one that most defined his strengths—easy c...
Why Can't Michael Bay Make Stoopid Movies Like This? <i>Battleship</i>, Reviewed.
One of the knocks on Battleship is that it plays like a ripoff of a Michael Bay movie, but frankly, I wish any of Bay's recent films had been a fun as this very silly let's-kill-the-aliens action flick is. Directed by actor-turned-director Peter Berg (Hancock, the Friday Night Lights film), Battlesh...
Is Not Good For Me. <em>The Dictator</em>, Reviewed.
1. There's a scene toward the end of The Dictator when you can see, finally, why Sacha Baron Cohen decided to wrap a whole movie around Admiral General Aladeen, the ruthless, clueless dictator of fictional country Wadiya. Without giving away any plot details, Aladeen is speaking to the United Nation...
Summer Is The Goddamn Worst
May has started, which means that we're quickly running out of May and I don't want May to end because that means summer is here and OH FUCK GOD PLEASE NOT AGAIN....
Tim Burton Bottoms Out. <em>Dark Shadows</em>, Reviewed.
1. How was there ever a time that we considered Tim Burton weird? He certainly isn't weird now—give this guy a slight haircut and he's essentially an insurance salesman—but in retrospect, knowing the bloated, self-satisfied cookie-cutter hack Burton turned out to be makes one wonder what all the exc...
The Perfect Comic-Book Movie. <em>The Avengers</em>, Reviewed.
1. The Avengers is a superhero movie so fun, full of so much pure fanboy-wank joy wrapped up in an accessible, relentlessly entertaining package, that I'm not sure anybody needs to make any more comic-book movies; this one might wrap it up. (One suspects they'll still find a way.) Made by and for—bu...
John Cusack In A Goatee? Quoth The Raven: Meh.
John Cusack is one of those actors whom everybody likes. He was a consistently enjoyable presence in '80s films like Better Off Dead and Sixteen Candles, and he won the hearts of a generation of young women by being the most sensitive man ever in Say Anything. Since then, he's been an indie staple (...
Our Experts Review The Yankees' New Cologne, The $50 "Justin Bieber Of Scents"
This month, the Yankees introduced a new men's cologne (a women's fragrance will also be available at Macy's soon; it's already available at Yankee Stadium). Here's how they describe the "New York Yankees™ Eau de Toilette":...