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Robert Kraft Really Doesn't Want You Seeing Video Of Him Getting A Hand Job [Updated]
Florida—yes, that state that often feels as if it’s been included in America just for the jokes, which also might slide into the ocean, aka my home state—does get some things right. Historically, it has one of strongest public record laws in the country. Sure, the legislature loves to poke holes in ...

Report: Robert Kraft Can Get Solicitation Charges Dropped If He Admits He Would've Been Found Guilty In Trial
Florida prosecutors have offered to drop the solicitation charges against Patriots owner Robert Kraft on the condition that he admits he would’ve been found guilty of receiving sex acts had the case gone to trial, according to the Wall Street Journal. ...

Steph Curry Busts Out Of A Slump With A Damn 60-Footer
Steph Curry opened up Monday night’s road game in San Antonio freezing cold, by his standards. He missed seven of his first eight shots, including all four of his three-point attempts. He blew a point-blank layup, and had another slapped off the glass, and bricked a wide open three from the top of t...

LeBron James Suffers Latest Humiliation At The Hands Of Mario Hezonja
It was all set up for LeBron James, nearing the end of a crappy first season with the Los Angeles Lakers, to have another one of his moments. He loves to craft highlights on the Knicks’ home floor, and to talk afterwards about how much “the Mecca” means to him as—as a student of basketball history o...

Aaron Hernandez's Murder Conviction Has Been Reinstated
After Aaron Hernandez died by suicide in 2017, his 2015 conviction for the murder of Odin Lloyd was overturned. The verdict was vacated because of a Massachusetts law that abates convictions in cases where the defendant dies before having the opportunity to see out the appeals process. Today, the s...

The Warriors Had Another Weird One, And Now It's Time To Read Steve Kerr's Lips
The Warriors added to a very odd and possibly concerning stretch of games last night with a 115-111 loss to the Phoenix Suns, who really stink. This loss followed a 122-105 demolition of the Nuggets on Friday night that was supposed to signal a return to form, as it was preceded by an embarrassing 3...

Of Course The Founder Of Orchids Of Asia Watched The Super Bowl With Donald Trump
From the Miami Herald comes yet another very convincing piece of evidence that we are all existing in the dumbest possible timeline. Li Yang, the 45-year-old woman who founded the massage parlor where Patriots owner Robert Kraft is alleged to have solicited prostitution, watched this year’s Super B...


Everyone Has Issues, But, Finally, So Do The Warriors
For those of us who revel in kneejerk stupid on a daily basis, so, for everyone, the NBA is the perfect training ground for any anti-PhD candidates. Every game is a daily rectal thermometer to be wielded as a way to measure teams’ futures, with the benefit of that being that each subject is an endle...

Hmm, Maybe The Warriors With DeMarcus Cousins Aren't Invincible After All
There’s still time for Golden State’s all-All-NBA five-man lineup to coalesce into the world-vaporizing unit it appears to be on paper, but a few terrifying stretches aside that hasn’t happened yet. Inserting DeMarcus Cousins into their rotation has so far been a bit of a negative for the Warriors, ...

It Is The Warriors' Sacred Duty To Orbital Strike The Celtics Into Hell Tonight
It’s been rough going for the poor Boston Celtics lately. They’ve lost five of six since the break, they’ve made no headway in their pursuit of a top-four seed in the playoffs, and they got absolutely walloped at home by James Harden and the Houston Rockets two nights ago. Perhaps even more ominousl...

It Is The Warriors' Sacred Duty To Orbital Strike The Celtics Into Hell Tonight
It’s been rough going for the poor Boston Celtics lately. They’ve lost five of six since the break, they’ve made no headway in their pursuit of a top-four seed in the playoffs, and they got absolutely walloped at home by James Harden and the Houston Rockets two nights ago. Perhaps even more ominousl...

Report: Warriors Plan To Add Ancient Pizzagater Andrew Bogut
The Golden State Warriors are planning to sign 34-year-old center Andrew Bogut for the remainder of the season, according to a Yahoo Sports report citing anonymous league sources. Bogut, who left the NBA when the Lakers waived him last February, has been playing professionally in Australia since Apr...

Report: Warriors Plan To Add Ancient Pizzagater Andrew Bogut
The Golden State Warriors are planning to sign 34-year-old center Andrew Bogut for the remainder of the season, according to a Yahoo Sports report citing anonymous league sources. Bogut, who left the NBA when the Lakers waived him last February, has been playing professionally in Australia since Apr...

Mario Balotelli Does Thing, Then Posts Thing On Instagram
Mario Balotelli is currently in the midst of one of the upswings of his notoriously yo-yoing career, which is good for all lovers of fun and hijinks. Yesterday, in just his sixth match with Marseille since fleeing there in January from the personal doghouse he’d been confined to at Nice (again, the ...

Mario Balotelli Does Thing, Then Posts Thing On Instagram
Mario Balotelli is currently in the midst of one of the upswings of his notoriously yo-yoing career, which is good for all lovers of fun and hijinks. Yesterday, in just his sixth match with Marseille since fleeing there in January from the personal doghouse he’d been confined to at Nice (again, the ...

Brett Brown Doesn’t Need To Instruct Ben Simmons To Miss Free Throws
The Sixers played the Warriors tough on Saturday night. Playing without Joel Embiid once again, Philly led by 14 points early in the third quarter and rallied back into the game after the Warriors blew by them. It was back and forth into the final seconds. Sure, Golden State ended up pulling out the...

Brett Brown Doesn’t Need To Instruct Ben Simmons To Miss Free Throws
The Sixers played the Warriors tough on Saturday night. Playing without Joel Embiid once again, Philly led by 14 points early in the third quarter and rallied back into the game after the Warriors blew by them. It was back and forth into the final seconds. Sure, Golden State ended up pulling out the...

The Patriots Will Have To Navigate Robert Kraft's Mess Without Their "Character Coach"
The fallout from Robert Kraft’s solicitation charges has set the stage for a ham-handed response from the NFL, as well as fueled the larger conversation around sex work, but now it’s affected the team he owns, in that a guy whose contract expired had a strong opinion on what Kraft did....

The Patriots Will Have To Navigate Robert Kraft's Mess Without Their "Character Coach"
The fallout from Robert Kraft’s solicitation charges has set the stage for a ham-handed response from the NFL, as well as fueled the larger conversation around sex work, but now it’s affected the team he owns, in that a guy whose contract expired had a strong opinion on what Kraft did....