rist Page 101 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bristolmetrics: Joe Paterno Was Mentioned 116 Times On <em>SportsCenter</em> Last Week; Jerry Sandusky Was Mentioned 8 Times
This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's 11 p.m. edition of SportsCenter throughout the week. Graphic by Jim Cooke....
UFC President Dana White Compares Anti-SOPA Activists To 9/11 Terrorists
Pledging to "kick the asses" of activists hacking the UFC website to protest the company's support of anti-piracy bill SOPA, Dana White compared the protestors to 9/11 terrorists and threatened "you're gonna get bin Laden'd" in an interview with The Score....
Messi's Being Messi Again, And Dani Alves Has A Nuke-Powered Boot
Barcelona holds a 4-3 aggregate edge in the second half of their return trip to Real Madrid in the Copa del Rey, thanks to the illusionist Lionel Messi setting up Pedro for the initial score and then a blistering strike by Dani Alves off a free kick rebound. The goals set up a 4-1 aggregate edge ...
The Worst National Anthems Ever
These are the five we included in our poll on Sunday. As of this writing, Roseanne Barr's version is the "worst anthem" clubhouse leader by a substantial margin (she has nearly 50 percent of the vote, with Carl Lewis checking in at 28). Facebook users can vote here....
Bristolmetrics: From Jan. 7-18, <em>SportsCenter</em> Devoted 13.5 Minutes to Hockey Total, And Other Fun Facts
This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's SportsCenter throughout the week. Graphic by Jim Cooke....
Kristin Cavallari And Jay Cutler Are Gonna Have A Baby
So what if Jay Cutler got injured and missed six games of the Bears' season, causing the team to miss the playoffs? He's more POTENT than he's ever been!...
Cristiano Ronaldo Went Five-Hole And Drew First Blood In <em>El Clásico</em>
It's a Copa del Rey quarterfinal matchup between Real Madrid and Barcelona, one on which Cristiano Ronaldo made an early mark with this nifty goal between the legs of Barça's José Manuel Pinto. [GOLTV]...
Drunk Chick Punches Cab Driver, Plays "American With Disabilities" Card
The words that Kristin "Krazii" Beriau used to describe herself on her soon-to-be-privatized Facebook page are as follows: "i dont give a FUCK wat anyone thinks of me cuz i no im fabolous, i love to party and chill, im friendly and sometimes a bitch, sexy, KRAZII, and above all, i am a dime....some...
All The 3:16 Bible Verses, Ranked By How Likely They Are To Foretell Tim Tebow As The Messiah
Ryan Fitzpatrick, Matt Ryan, Aaron Rodgers all had games in which they threw for 316 yards this season: nobody cares until Tim Tebow does it. Everyone's seeking meaning in random numbers, even asking for comment from "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, as if he was the first to claim the 3:16 verse as his ow...
A Directory Of Places Where You Can Watch Sports While Eating Chinese Food Today
Here is a very incomplete list of places in our great nation where you can watch sports while eating Chinese food today—as suggested by you, our readers. If you have more ideas, please let us know in the comments. All endorsements sic'd....
Readers: Tell Us Where To Watch Sports While Eating Chinese On Dec. 25
Christmas is on Sunday, and while most public activity shuts down so the Christians and semi-Christians can worship American consumerism and baby Jesus, our nation's Jews will be eating Chinese food and watching hoops like it's just another Hanukkah weekend. What a world!...
The Atlanta Braves Wish You A Merry Christmas By Performing The Worst Rendition Of "Jingle Bells" Imaginable
Kris Medlen (the puffy-cheeked one with the bent brim) is the only one who gives it any effort, and he's followed by Chipper Jones's smug sunburnt visage. Ugh. Merry Christmas....
Our NBA Players Are Still Growing
The lockout? Totally worth it. Because it seems the tallest people on earth spent that extra time getting even taller....
Counterpoint: Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus
Gosh, somebody is taking a supposedly beloved holiday ritual and saying it's really awful and depressing. Who ever had that idea before? Oh, right: Charlies Schulz....
Fuck You, Charlie Brown
Every year you watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, and every year you come away depressed. You're a real asshole, Charlie Brown. Originally published Dec. 9, 2010. Read Tom Scocca's counterpoint: "Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus."...
Christmas Hype Will Drive Your Children To Insanity
Christmas is four days away. I know this because my kids have been counting down the days since, I dunno, LAST goddamn Christmas. Children have boring lives. They have to go to school all day. They have to listen to adults tell them what to do. They can't watch porn. It blows. Christmas is one of th...
Chad McGhee Has Risen Up Against President Obama And Government Itself
Now that the Knox City Greyhounds season is over, Chad McGhee has turned his attention to matters besides Texas high school six-man football. Here, he takes both a moral and political stand against the POTUS and affiliated pagans who have declared war on the Lord. In these War on Christmas times, ...
Gifts For People Who Have An Opinion About Tim Tebow
Nobody puts the "Christ" in "Christmas" like America's greatest football phenomenon. Don't stop with Denver Broncos gear—Tim Tebow is much more than just an athlete, as the bio of "Timmy" on the Tebow family ministry's website makes clear. Here are a few ideas to help your favorite Tebower get close...
Gather 'Round, Grove, Draper and Ronjohn: The Lacrosse All-Name Team Is Here
What makes a great lacrosse name? There must be a whiff of old money and non-rhotic lockjaw, but it's more than that. In the spirit of Potter Stewart's test for obscenity ("I know it when I see it") and Katie Baker's beloved lacrosse family the Stanwicks (Sheehan, Wick, Coco, Tad, Steele, Wells and ...
Gifts For People Who Play With Balls
It can be hard to watch sports all the time and not feel that instinctive, itching urge to get off the couch and toss a ball around for a little while (or at least during the commercial breaks). But we want to make sure that you take heed of the special hierarchy of balls that are available for toss...