rist Page 65 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cristiano Ronaldo Sent Off In Tears After Softest Red Card Ever
In his first Champions League match with Juventus, Cristiano Ronaldo was sent off in the 29th minute for what looked like patting (maybe forcefully patting?) Valencia defender Jeison Murillo on the head, after Murillo went down in the box. I’m no Ronaldo super fan, but that has to be the most ridicu...
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic, Who Is Now A Wonderman, Scores Winner On 20th Birthday
Christian Pulisic turned 20 years old today, which means he is no longer the Wonderteen we have all known and loved, but instead a full-grown Wonderman. He showed his newfound maturity by scoring the lone goal and winner for Borussia Dortmund in the 85th minute of their Champions League opener again...
The Reds Are Now The Property Of Christian Yelich, Those Are The Rules
Brewers outfielder Christian Yelich hit for the cycle in a game against the Reds back on August 29. It was a career night for Yelich, who finished 6-for-6 from the plate with three RBI in a wacky Brewers win. Yelich hit three dingers and drove in nine runs in that three-game series, so the Reds were...
Pitcher's HR After A Foul Bunt Non-Call Was The Nuttiest Part Of A Very Nutty Brewers-Reds Game
When Reds pitcher Michael Lorenzen entered the batter’s box in the bottom of the sixth of tonight’s game against the Brewers, he was just trying to do what most pitchers do when asked to hit: his best....
Christian Covington's Ego Takes A Hit As The New <i>Madden</i> Has Him Looking Like A Gelatinous Thumb
Texans defensive end Christian Covington is not a particularly handsome man. He’s not an ugly man, either, just an average-looking one. Still, as unremarkable as Covington’s face may be, he does not resemble the creepy, poorly rendered avatar the folks at EA assigned him in Madden 19, as he has disc...
European Soccer Is Loaded With American Kids Ready To Tear Shit Up<em></em>
American wonderteen Christian Pulisic will begin his march to the 2019 Ballon d’Or this weekend when Borussia Dortmund open their Bundesliga season against RB Leipzig. It’s hard to believe that Pulisic is still only 19, since he’s already got two stellar seasons at Dortmund under his belt and is the...
Clemson Is Ready To Claim Its Dynasty
Welcome to the Deadspin 25, a college football poll that strives to be more democratic and less useless than every other preseason poll. Leading up to the college football season kickoff, we will give you previews of the 25 teams that you, the readers, voted to be most worthy of writing about. Now, ...
Ben Zobrist Is Still Very Much Looking Forward To Robot Umpires
Ben Zobrist was ejected in the ninth inning of the Cubs’ 7–0 home loss to the Brewers Tuesday, for arguing (what else) balls and strikes with home plate umpire Phil Cuzzi. The beef went back a few innings, to when Zobrist took a called third strike in the sixth, and reacted angrily. Zobrist survived...
Let's Check In On Christian Hackenberg
The Eagles brought in Christian Hackenberg to see if there’s any there there for the 2016 second-round pick, who hasn’t played a regular-season NFL snap and is now on his third team. Today was his first day of full-team practices, and ......
Jay Cutler Is The Breakout TV Character Of 2018
Jay Cutler is good at eating pussy. He wasn’t always, but he is now....
Draymond Green Issues Non-Denial Denial Of Tristan Thompson Fight, Drags Cleveland
Draymond Green, a living, breathing personification of a train horn—who can also effectively play all five positions on the basketball court—has come out with his first public statement since reports surfaced that he and Tristan Thompson got into a little bit of a scuffle at a party hosted by LeBro...
Brian Christopher Deserved So Much Better
In the 1980s, when cable television changed the pro wrestling landscape and push truly came to shove in the industry, only one regional promotion survived in anything close to its original form. That was the Tennessee-based USWA, owned by Jerry Jarrett and his longtime top star, Jerry Lawler. With a...
Report: Tristan Thompson Hit Draymond Green With A "Face Mush" At LeBron James's Party
At an exclusive, post-ESPYs party hosted by LeBron James, Cavs big man Tristan Thompson and Warriors agitator Draymond Green reportedly got into a bit of a kerfuffle, which is not a very surprising thing to hear given how these two treated each other on the court during the NBA Finals. Bossip was th...
Liverpool's B-Team Came To America To Get Smacked Around By Christian Pulisic
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic willed Borussia Dortmund to a 3-1 victory over Liverpool in the International Champions Cup on Sunday, in front of 55,447 of his countrymen in Charlotte. The 19-year-old subbed in at halftime with his team down 1-0 and promptly took the game over. ...
Sweet Baby Jesus, Cristiano Ronaldo Really Will Leave Real Madrid For Juventus
What at first felt like the same sort of hyped-up salary negotiation process between Real Madrid and Cristiano Ronaldo we see almost every summer has just gotten real as hell. Real Madrid have now confirmed that, at Ronaldo’s request, they have agreed to transfer him to Juventus....
MLB To Become Slightly More Fun, Might Relax Its Footwear Restrictions
As part of its unofficial campaign to introduce more Cop Vibes to every level of the game, Major League Baseball has been on a crusade against experimental cleat designs this year, and has already issued warnings of potential fines to a number of players. According to Yahoo Sports, though, the leagu...
Iranian Goalie Who Exposed Ronaldo As A Fraud Went From Being A Homeless Runaway To The World Freaking Cup
Portugal was denied the full three points in their 1-1 draw against Iran today, thanks in massive part to a save from Iranian goalkeeper Alireza Beiranvand on a Cristiano Ronaldo penalty kick. Ronaldo, who failed to score today, was newly exposed as a massive fraud when his attempt at a powerful sho...
Cristiano Ronaldo's New Goal Celebration Makes Him Look Like A Big Dweeb
Cristiano Ronaldo is not “cool.” It’s a little strange because he has many of the traits commonly associated with coolness—he’s famous, successful, cocky, handsome, has a body that looks like it was carved out of marble, has dated a number of the most gorgeous women in the world, etc.—and yet the ov...
Cristiano Ronaldo Caps Incredible Game With Incredible Hat-Trick Free-Kick Goal
Cristiano Ronaldo just played one of the best games of his life. He was outstanding throughout today’s Portugal-Spain match, holding up play like a champ, giving life to numerous counterattacks with ingenious flicks and passes, and, oh yeah, scoring three goddamn goals in what ended as a 3-3 tie. Hi...
Ugly Boner Gifts Ronaldo His Second Goal Of The World Cup
A pretty goofy first half between Portugal and Spain ended with a huge momentum swing for Portugal thanks to a giant boner from Spanish goalie David de Gea, normally one of the best shot stoppers in the world....