rist Page 85 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cristiano Ronaldo Statue Features A Big Ol' Bulging Dick
Cristiano Ronaldo is, quite deservedly, an icon in his hometown of Funchal, Madeira, Portugal—so much so that he has a museum dedicated in his honor. This weekend, Ronaldo was on hand to witness the unveiling of a new statue made in his image. What can we say? The statue is sporting a huge erection....
How To Make Eggnog, The Festive Holiday Booze-Shake
In the abstract, the notion that some people don't want to drink eggnog makes sense: diabetics, say, or the lactose-intolerant or egg-allergic, or those principled self-denying oddballs who prefer not to replace their entire body mass gradually with dietary fat and cholesterol until they resemble ...
Grizzlies Buy Car For Assistant Who Had His Stolen
Here's a cool thing that will make you feel less bad about everything. ...
Get Your Christmas Crap The Fuck Out Of This Bear's Face, Please
It's almost Christmas, and you're in the holiday spirit, so it's understandable that you want to go around decking the halls and whatnot. But please try to remember that bears don't care about Christmas, because bears are not vapid and materialistic creatures, so don't go putting your plush Santa in...
Christmas Songs, Ranked
Hark! The herald bloggers rank the Christmas jams. O come, let us rejoice them....
Frank Caliendo Does "The Night Before Christmas" As 10 Different ESPNers
Frank Caliendo was on that radio show with the two guys with the same name this morning, and he busted out many of his ESPN impressions to read "The Night Before Christmas." At this point, his voices are so good, you'd think he locked up all these personalities in his basement as part of an elabor...
Gifts From "The 12 Days Of Christmas," Ranked
12. Eleven pipers piping....
Anchor Christmas Ale 2014: Great Tradition, Mediocre Year
My family is woefully short on Christmas traditions. This is largely due to our being a small unit consisting of zero children or Christians, the two things that seem to make this particular holiday go 'round. But we like kids and Christs just fine, and everybody likes days off in the middle of the ...
Hurdler Kristi Castlin Tells You How To Not Get Fat Over The Holidays
Kristi Castlin is a very good hurdler. How good? The 26-year-old Atlanta native beat American record-holder Brianna Rollins in the 100-meter hurdlers in the spring, breaking Rollins' two-year winning streak. It came down to the thousandth of a second—Castlin's 12.571 seconds to Rollins' 12.576—and w...
How The NFL's Forgotten Christmas Albums Almost Made One Man Rich
For the entirety of my childhood, my brother, mom, and I spent one day a year—usually a Saturday two or three weeks out from Christmas—being serenaded by the 1970 Oakland Raiders. Specifically, we would spend the day putting up our Christmas tree while Daryle Lamonica, Jim Otto, and others mooed C...
Sony Leak: Will Ferrell As Donald Sterling In A <em>Ruthless People</em> Remake?
One of the oddest revelations in the Sony mega-leak features a pitch to remake the 1986 Danny DeVito film Ruthless People as a take on Donald Sterling, starring Will Ferrell as the former Clippers owner and Melissa McCarthy as his wife Shelly....
White Flight: The Knuckleheaded <i>Exodus: Gods and Kings</i>, Reviewed
1. I'm not sure who ever could have thought that Exodus: Gods and Kings was a good idea. Putting aside—only for a moment—the much-discussed "whitewashing" of the cast, the movie seems almost specifically designed to appeal to absolutely no one. It's a Bible story, but it paints Old Testament God as ...
Isolated, Unedited Vocals Of Mariah Carey's Awful Holiday Performance
Remember when Mariah Carey could sing? Most millennials probably can't. "All I Want For Christmas Is You," she sings, but we'd suggest adding "a new voice" to her letter for Santa. Only Rep. Peter King could vocalize something more tone-deaf in New York today....
Cristiano Ronaldo Gets Seriously Mad At Losing Meaningless Competition
Judging by Cristiano Ronaldo's legitimately pissed off response to his team losing what was supposed to be a friendly little contest at a sponsored event, we can add his name to the ranks of Michael Jordan, and other athletes who hate losing even something as small as a coin flip with a fervency u...
FIFA Announces Who Will Stand Next To Ronaldo When He Wins Ballon D'or
As inevitable as Cristiano Ronaldo's impending Ballon d'Or victory has been, this year's award campaign has been especially tedious. So we're happy that FIFA's announcement of the three finalists brings us one step closer to being done with the whole thing....
This Cristiano Ronaldo Ballon D'Or Campaign Is Getting Really Gross
UEFA president Michel Platini made a pretty reasonable comment in Madrid earlier this week, saying in his opinion the Ballon d'Or should go to a German player after the country's success in the World Cup. The statement set off the Real Madrid spin machine though, and the team took matters into their...
Xabi Alonso Forced To Apologize To Ronaldo For Stupid, Fake Controversy
Remember that dumb story Real Madrid pitched to their stooges at Marca yesterday, where some milquetoast statements of Xabi Alonso's were folded, kneaded, and ultimately transformed into direct insults to former teammates Cristiano Ronaldo and Iker Casillas? Well, it worked....
Meet <em>Marca</em>, The Hilarious Propaganda Arm Of Real Madrid
It's maybe a little difficult for Americans to grasp just how deeply and blatantly in the tank the European press can be for the local XI. And no one is deeper and more blatantly in the tank for the local XI than the media in Spain, where the local XI means either Barcelona and Real Madrid and where...