run Page 115 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Manchester United Secures Third Straight Premier League Title
A 0-0 draw with Arsenal did the trick. Man U is now tied with Liverpool with 18 titles all-time. And now I'm going to stop talking about soccer before I get something wrong....
Requiem For The Pimlico Beer Gauntlet
The 134th Preakness Stakes will take place on Saturday afternoon, but a tradition even older than that has sadly seen its last running—Pimlico Race Course has ended its BYOB infield policy....
Arsenal Fan Commits Suicide After Champions League Wipeout
A Kenyan soccer fan hung himself—in his Arsenal jersey—after his favorite team got thumped by Manchester United in the Champions League yesterday. That is not dealing well with defeat....
Walk Off Homer Disallowed By Premature Hand Slapping
It's one thing to be a stickler for the rules, it's another to be a stickler who protests a perfectly legit home run because of an obscure, pointless rule—and doesn't even read the rule right....
What About His Face? Did Something Happen To Rick Ankiel's Face?
The Rickster was hospitalized after crashing face first into the center field wall last night. Doctors say he might not have been hurt at all if only he had kept the mustache. [Missourinet]...
The Kentucky Derby Is Decadent And Depraved
Everyone knows the real fun of the Kentucky Derby happens in the stands and infield, not on the track. See the shenanigans you missed out on after the jump....
Boston Marathon Winners Shockingly Not From Boston
Ethiopia's Deriba Merga (he's the guy) and Kenya's Salina Kosgei (the woman) won the Boston Marathon today. An American finished third! How cute! (That's second place writhing in agony on the ground, FYI.) [AP; Star-Tribune]...
On Juiced Balls and Homer-Happy Yankee Stadium
Earlier today, Ryan Garko sent an A.J. Burnett fastball in the direction of Bear Mountain, the 19th homer in four games at the giant ATM known as Yankee Stadium. Is this "Coors Field East"?...
Door-On-Player Violence Is Not A Joke
Cincy OF Chris Dickerson is day-to-day after getting beat up by a revolving door. This wouldn't happen if you knew how to mind your place. [MLB.com, via Big Lead]...
UNC Student Burned But Proud
As we learned in Lord of the Flies, dancing near bonfires often leads to the collapse of the social structure, and on occasion a trip to the North Carolina Jaycee Burn Center....
Michael Phelps Is Enjoying His Swimming Exile
What's a famously rich, famously awkward swimming champion to do, when he's banned from the pool for too much outrageous behavior? Horrifying clubgoers with drunken makeout sessions is a good place to start....
Yet Another Smart Play From Zach Randolph
The competent, level-headed L.A. Clippers forward was arrested early this morning on suspicion of drunk driving. Does it seem unfair to anyone else that this man drives a Rolls-Royce? [ESPN]...
This Guy Has A Problem With Dwyane Wade
Some days, you wake up to emails containing videos of drunk billionaires verbally accosting Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade in a parking garage. Today is one of those days. (UPDATE)...
And Here's Your Next ETrade Baby Commercial
No collection of videos featuring fans catching balls would be complete without potential baby droppage. [Home Run Derby]...
Will James Donaldson Become America's Tallest Mayor?
Next to the Space Needle he's the city's tallest landmark, so why not James Donaldson for mayor of Seattle? And he says that his first order of business will be ... bringing back the SuperSonics....
Mike Krzyzewski, The Final Depantsing
It's not so troublesome that Mike Krzyzewski was in this Guitar Hero commercial; it seems he's spent all season with his pants around his ankles, as other teams run off with his lunch money....
Everybody Loves The Underdog
Fulham are leading Manchester United 1-0 at halftime. I'm told this is unexpected, but that's what they get for benching Rooney and Tevez. Scholes was sent off in the 18th minute for being old. [ESPN]...
Look, Jackasses, KU Played Today. What The Shit Did You Expect?
Your beloved Comment Of The Week segment will appear Monday....