san Page 263 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Nick Young And Jordan Hill Briefly Make Being A Laker Seem Fun
Outside of the Philadelphia 76ers, there is no more depressing (although we find them more darkly hilarious) team in the NBA than the Los Angeles Lakers. That might be changing with the return of Nick Young, though, who has helped the Lakers to two straight wins after missing the team's 1-9 start du...
The Chargers Are Still Trying To Hide Philip Rivers's Injury
After Antonio Gates spoke out of class and revealed that his quarterback has been dealing with a "severe rib injury," the Chargers closed ranks. Rivers said he was fine. His coach said he wasn't injured. Gates claimed he had been misquoted. Then, yesterday, Rivers showed up on the injury report with...
Emmanuel Sanders Partied In Heaven With All The Ladies
After getting absolutely crushed on a scary play during Sunday's game against the Rams, Broncos wide receiver Emmanuel Sanders fell victim to a Wikipedia prankster who edited the page to say that Sanders had died. The wideout caught wind of this, and he responded with a well-struck "Hi haters."...
The A's Just Claimed Subject 6 From The Duke Fuck List
The Oakland A's just claimed outfielder and first baseman Alex Hassan, plucking him from the Boston Red Sox farm system. You might be wondering why we are telling you about a 26-year-old career minor leaguer getting claimed off waivers, and the reason is that Alex Hassan happens to be Subject 6 fr...
The Funniest Thing In Sports: Kobe Bryant Chucking At Historic Levels
Kobe Bryant shot a combined 16-for-48 in the two ass-kickings the Lakers absorbed over the weekend. Even the bad guys from Rambo III are all, "Jesus, man, that's a lotta terrible shooting." The friggin' Ethyl Higby Charm School doesn't have that many misses....
Warning: Doug McDermott Will Just Get All Up In Your Picture
Former Creighton star Doug McDermott hasn't exactly taken the NBA by storm in his first weeks as a pro, but that doesn't mean that he's short on confidence. For example, McDermott has no problem rolling right into a famous-person photo that he definitely wasn't invited to....
Goalie's Family Celebrates And Cries After He Wins His NHL Debut
Sharks rookie netminder Troy Grosenick didn't just get his first NHL start yesterday, and he didn't merely win. He shut out the Hurricanes with 45 saves. And his family was there to see it....
Sad Jeremy Lin Sums Up The Lakers' Season In Six Seconds
I have no idea what question this is in response to, but it could have been anything from "How can you guys improve on the defensive end?" to "At this point, why even continue living?" and this would be the perfect answer....
Lakers And Fans Sleep Through Home Blowout To The Warriors
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The Broncos Had Themselves A Really Bad Day
The following things happened to the Denver Broncos today:...
Emmanuel Sanders Leaves Game After Brutal Hit From Rodney McLeod
Broncos receiver Emmanuel Sanders is being evaluated for a concussion after taking this extremely violent hit from the Rams' Rodney McLeod....
After That Great Navy SEAL Pep Talk, Washington Is Shitting The Bed
Oh, goddammit. ...
ESPN Can Predict The Future
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Foodies Claim Non-Artisanal Flour Is Poisoning You
For centuries, man has suffered under the unyielding tyranny of the automated mill and its proponents, who have consigned him to flavorless, unethical, and possibly poisonous baked goods. At last salvation is at hand, though, through the good offices of the artisanal food movement!...
Clayton Kershaw Picks Up MVP Too, Mike Trout Finally Snags One
Clayton Kershaw followed-up his NL Cy Young win by taking home the NL MVP trophy too, becoming the first person to sweep those awards since Bob Gibson did so while playing for the Cardinals in 1968. The Marlins outfielder Giancarlo Stanton—whose candidacy might have been sunk when he took a fastball...
Your Best Photoshops Of That Wacky Mark Sanchez Photo
Earlier this week we asked you to Photoshop this goofy Getty Images photo of Mark Sanchez. Your contributions were outstanding! Here are some of our favorites....
Kobe And The Lakers Do Dumb Shit; Anthony Davis Dismisses Them
The ridiculous, bad-basketball-playin'-ass Lakers lost again last night, 109-102 in New Orleans, to fall to 1-7. Basically, they performed how you might expect them to on the second night of a road back-to-back: they won the first quarter with some fluky hot shooting, then sagged badly in the middl...
Report: Blake Griffin Charged With Misdemeanor Battery
According to TMZ, the Clark County District Attorney has charged Clippers star Blake Griffin with misdemeanor battery for his role in an alleged assault in a Las Vegas night club last month. Griffin is alleged to have gotten mad at cameras flashing in his face while in Tao Nightclub, so he grabbed t...
All Hail Kobe Bryant And The Lakers, Lords Of Madness
First things first: You don't get to miss more shots than anybody else in NBA history by being bad at basketball. That record would be Larry Hughes's if he didn't, y'know, suck at everything, and in this sense, the all-time missed-shots record is a perverse monument to Kobe Bryant's greatness. He ...
FC Zurich Initiates Legal Proceedings Over Horror Tackle
If you're the squeamish sort, I highly suggest you do not watch the above video. It shows a barbaric tackle from this weekend's Swiss Super League action, involving FC Arau's Sandro Wieser and FC Zurich's Gilles Yapi Yalo. Wieser launches his cleat into Yapi Yalo's knee, causing "torn anterior and...