scream Page 125 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Wow, Maybe Roberto Soldado Doesn't Suck Anymore!
Well would you look at that! Roberto Soldado—once renowned for his uncanny ability to get goals without ever looking all that impressive doing so, now more famous as the world’s second-biggest bottler (behind fellow Spaniard Fernando Torres) stemming from his terrible stint with Tottenham—is back in...
Are Everton Really Dumb Enough To Turn Down Tons Of Money For John Stones?
John Stones is a promising English center back currently playing for Everton, who’s pretty good and has every chance to get better. His talent, youth, potential, position, and Englishness all make him a very hot and very valuable commodity. (Word to Raheem Sterling.) But apparently out of some misgu...
Here's The Champions League Group Stage Draw
Now that the qualifying rounds are over, the Champions League can begin in earnest. The groups all look pretty even, with Manchester City’s Group D probably being the toughest and Chelsea’s Group G the easiest. Also, half the Round of 16 could easily be made up of English and Spanish clubs....
Keeper Realizes He Doesn't Actually Have Time Freezing Powers, Gives Up Goal
Generally you don’t want to take five minutes before clearing a backpass. Welp, you learn something every day!...
Messi Turning Boateng Into A Folding Chair Voted Best Goal Of UCL Season
Ahead of the Champions League group stage draw today, UEFA handed out its award for best goal of last season’s tournament. Naturally, it went to this Lionel Messi stunner during that heavyweight fight that was Barcelona-Bayern Munich. I could stare at this GIF for hours:...
Chicharito Had A Couple Of Brutal Misses Today
Manchester United hammered Club Brugge 4-0 in Bruges today to advance to the Champions League group stage. Wayne Rooney emphatically ended his goal drought with a hat trick, and United are assured the massive revenue from at least six more Champions League matches. Practically the only Red Devil to ...
Manchester United Still Don't Realize They're Not Manchester United Anymore
It’s kind of cute, if in a sad sort of way. Manchester United, once the biggest name in the game, chasing after superstars in the press like a giddy child racing after lightning bugs in the night, hoping to nab one or two like the big clubs can but knowing deep down that it won’t actually happen....
Álvaro Negredo Scores Exquisite Chip Shot From A Ridiculous Angle
A well placed chip is closer to a perfectly arched three-pointer than a powerful slam dunk, and you won’t see a more audacious, protractor-guided lob than Álvaro Negredo’s here. Just the thought to shoot from there is almost as impressive as being able to hit the net....
Mario Balotelli Given Another Last Chance, Returns To AC Milan
The familiar Mario Balotelli cycle has been completed yet again. Stuck on hard times with a team that didn’t want him and telegraphing his own unhappiness with his employers by acting out, Balotelli has been gifted another reprieve. A big club, this time his former home AC Milan, has swooped in to r...
Keeper Gets Red Card For Snatching Up, Throwing Out Idiot On The Field
You’d think the ref would have more respect for this fed up keeper who hunts down a pitch invader, grabs him by the back of the shirt, and marches him off the field like a put-upon teacher escorting an unruly student to the principal’s office, but instead of thanks, Mohamed Sokhra only received a re...
These Two Petr Čech Saves Are The Best Saves
Arsenal are hosting Liverpool today in the Premier League, and through one half, the Gunners look like complete and utter bullcrap against the visitors. It’s remarkable how many players in Arsenal’s starting XI appear to be betting against their team on the same day. And yet—and yet!— it’s still sco...
No One Loves Anything More Than This Ballboy Loves His Soccer Team
Salutations, my savages. What we have here is a match between Wycombe and Dag & Red in England’s League Two. It finished 1-1, and appeared to have been a hard-fought, good and fun contest between two bad and earnest teams. But that’s not why we have gathered around this blog on this wonderful day....
Head Of FIFA Reform Committee Thinks We've Been Too Mean To Sepp Blatter
If you doubted the true independence of FIFA’s self-selected reform committee—a group mainly composed of existing FIFA members, led by an outside investigator selected and paid for by FIFA, and tasked with rooting out the causes of rampant corruption those highest up FIFA’s power pyramid had absolut...
Borussia Dortmund Go Down Three Goals, Shrug, Score Four, Win
Once-great, now-good lunchpail German side Borussia Dortmund opened up their Europa League campaign away to some team from Norway aptly named Odds BK. August NIT games don’t impress us much, especially against teams from Norway, but Odds came out and scored 13 seconds into the dang match!...
Look At This Dumb Dog That Thinks It Can Play Soccer
Newsflash, buddy: you aren’t people. And soccer’s for people, not dogs....
Man, Mario Balotelli Is Going Through Some Shit
Here are three things that have happened to exiled Liverpool and Italian national team striker Mario Balotelli in the last day or so:...
Why The World's Best Clubs May Be The Worst Place For The Best Young Players
In soccer, perhaps more than in any other major sport, the potential for greatness can be recognized from a very young age. Not every wunderkind goes on to become a superstar but most every superstar bore the expectations of future excellence from as far back as their early teen years....
This Is What Memphis Depay Can Do
Soccer fans: meet Memphis. Memphis, likewise. This is why Manchester United paid all that money for the man heralded as the next Ronaldo. Well, this and United’s equalizer after Club Brugge scored first, saving a return of the old Lolunited tag....
Roberto Soldado Fails To Kick Soccer Ball Into Huge, Wide-Open Space
Hey, Robbo, a little advice: maybe just use your hands since, based on the last few years’ evidence, you have no control of where a ball goes after it leaves your foot. Got it? Cool....
Manchester City Stake Their Claim As The Premier League's Best Team
You wouldn’t exactly describe it as a shock. It was Manchester City, after all. Winners of two of the last four Premier League titles; armed with the best goalscorers in the country; with one of its twistiest, most creative talents; newly infused with the precocious abilities of England’s most promi...