scream Page 141 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lionel Messi And Cristiano Ronaldo Find Their Final Forms
For a depressingly large group of actuarial soccer fans, this season's thrilling edition of the duel between temporally and cosmically entwined superstars Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi has mainly served as another set of cudgels to club down the other's reputation and legacy. Go deeper, becau...
Bhutan Wins Again! A Match Report From A Deadspin Reader In Bhutan
Bhutan pulled it off! The tiny landlocked Himalayan nation advanced to the second round of World Cup qualifying—where they could be placed into a pool with Asian heavyweights like Iran, Japan, or South Korea—by knocking off Sri Lanka 2-1 yesterday, winning the two-legged tie 3-1 on aggregate. The ...
Teamwork Is Helping To Hide Your Buddy's Dong While He Pees On The Bench
If you ever wanted to know how close the Sevilla players are with each other, this is your answer....
Holy Mother Carlos Tevez Just Bombed Germany With This Rocket Golazo
Juventus and Borussia Dortmund are playing today, right now. A few minutes ago, they kicked off. Then two minutes passed. Then Juventus's Carlos Tevez got the ball. Then he blew up Germany's hopes, and also Germany. No more high-quality vehicles for anyone. Because there's no more Germany. Germany's...
Olivier Giroud Is Good At Everything Except His Job
That right there is the quintessential pose of Olivier Giroud. His head tilted skyward, his face tightened into a pained grimace, his hands slowly making their way upward to his eyes or hair as he attempts to rub away the memory of whatever near-chance he was just unable to put away....
Round Of 16 Champions League Tie Ends In Sorry Display Of Penalties
After 120 full minutes at the Vicente Calderón in Madrid, the round of 16 Champions League tie between Atletico Madrid and Bayer Leverkusen was level 1-1 on aggregate. Time for some penalties!...
Why Would Gareth Bale Want To Go Back To England?
There's a battle for Gareth Bale's soul being waged in the media of two different countries. On one side, you have the Spanish press expressing the frustrations of their readers by bashing the player's lazy, timid displays on the pitch. On the other, the press in Bale's native Britain is using its...
Soccer Player Badmouths Ref, Gets Told Right The Fuck Off
"Oh, what's that? You have something to say? Where are you going?!! I THOUGHT YOU HAD SOMETHING TO SAY!" ...
MASL Player Headbutts Opponent After Playoff Match; Team Cuts Him
The Baltimore Blast beat the Missouri Comets 10-7 in Sunday's particularly tense MASL playoff match, but after the Blast's 2-0 series sweep, Comets defender Andre Braithwaite walked up to Blast defender Pat Healey and headbutted him in the face....
This Is How Being The Biggest Dude In The World Helps You Score Goals
When Adebayo Akinfenwa last dropped-kicked our door down and announced his presence, he showed off his nose for goal with a tap-in against Liverpool in the F.A. Cup. It was a perfectly fine striker's goal, but it wasn't exactly what you'd hoped to see from a guy with a 97 strength rating in FIFA. Th...
Cristiano Ronaldo Reminds Us Why He's So Likable
In a weekend that saw Lionel Messi overtake Cristiano Ronaldo as the Spanish league's top scorer this season, Ronaldo can rest easy knowing his Argentine rival isn't likely to catch up to another one of his records: that of world's most-liked Facebook page. What makes him so beloved? Well, besides t...
Wayne Rooney Mocks Boxing Controversy With Hilarious Goal Celebration
Manchester United are running roughshod over Tottenham, up three goals to none at halftime in a crucial match between Champions League aspirants. Wayne Rooney made a great run and finish to score United's third, and afterwards unveiled the boxing knockout celebration above. ...
Burnley Beats Man City To Tighten Relegation Race, End Title Race
If the Premier League title race wasn't over six weeks ago when Manchester City failed to beat Chelsea, it surely is now, after Manchester City lost 0-1 to relegation-threatened Burnley....
Angry Sunderland Fans Leave In The First Half, Throw Scarf At Manager
Playing at home against the team a spot below them on the table, Sunderland had the opportunity today to put some distance between them and relegation. Instead, they went down three goals to Aston Villa in the first 37 minutes. Streams of pissed off Sunderland fans stormed out of the Stadium of Lig...
Matt Phillips Scores 45-Yard Wonder Goal
QPR has only won one game in their last 12 across all competitions and it looks likely that they will be relegated, but they can take some measure of solace in scoring a strong goal of the year contender. Down 0-3 to a Crystal Palace side resurgent under Alan Pardew, Matt Phillips's belter spectac...
Man Whose Punch Killed Soccer Ref Sentenced To 8-15 Years In Prison
A Michigan man who punched and killed the rec league referee who was ejecting him was sentenced to 8-15 years in jail Thursday, after pleading guilty to involuntary manslaughter. A Lebanese national, Baseel Abdul-Amir Saad faces potential deportation after completing his sentence. The Dearborn auto...
José Mourinho Gets Philosophical In Rant Directed At Haters In The Media
“The world is a bit strange. Maybe because of diets, and maybe because of the quality of produce we are eating, I think memories are getting shorter,” José Mourinho begins his wild, metaphysical ride that somehow ends with him basically calling certain members of the media jealous cowards....
Scenes In Colombo As Bhutan Wins In First Ever World Cup Qualifier
The soccer team representing the tiny nation of Bhutan (estimated population: 733,643) traveled to Sri Lanka Thursday for their first ever World Cup qualifier. Now, Sri Lanka isn't a very good soccer nation, but compared to Bhutan they might as well be Brazil. Bhutan is the lowest ranked team in t...
Can A Keeper Get A Red Card While Unconscious? One Player Investigates
If you add it up, Máximo Banguera of Barcelona SC spends nearly two minutes pretending to be dead to the world in between a late tackle on an Atlético Nacional player and when the ref finally shows him the red card he was obviously trying to avoid....
Romelu Lukaku Channels His Inner Marshawn Lynch On This Bulldozing Run
This is probably as close as you'll get to seeing Beast Mode's famous Beast Quake run recreated on a soccer pitch. Everton's Romelu Lukaku knocks over a good three or four defenders before laying off the assist for Steven Naismith's equalizer, proving that he is indeed 'bout that action:...