season Page 81 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sweet Baby Jesus, Cristiano Ronaldo Really Will Leave Real Madrid For Juventus
What at first felt like the same sort of hyped-up salary negotiation process between Real Madrid and Cristiano Ronaldo we see almost every summer has just gotten real as hell. Real Madrid have now confirmed that, at Ronaldo’s request, they have agreed to transfer him to Juventus....
Antoine Griezmann Announces His Intent To Stay With Atlético Madrid In Moronic TV Special
Antoine Griezmann is famously a huge basketball head (though he’s much less well-versed in other aspects of American culture...), so it wasn’t totally surprising when he announced yesterday that he would reveal his long-awaited choice of whether to stay at Atlético Madrid next season or leave for Ba...
Ravens Give Bullshit Player-Blaming Explanation For Violation Of Offseason Rules
The offense and the punishment here are minor and don’t much matter, but the excuse is very much indicative of how things work in the modern NFL....
The Most Fun Thing About Every Baseball Team This Year
There has, over the past several months, been plenty of conversation (and a few official rule changes) directed to answering the question of what baseball needs. Games need to be faster, or extra innings need to be spicier, or broadcasts need more mentions of launch angle. The spike in home runs is ...
MLB Season Preview: What You Need To Know For 40 Minutes Of Marlins Baseball
Aw shit yeah, buddies, it’s Opening Day! The good kind of Opening Day, too. One of those classics on which all 30 teams—well, except for the Nats and Reds and Tigers and Pirates, because their games have already been postponed—play on the same day and it’s non-stop baseball. I do have one piece of b...
PSL Holders Sue The Jets For Screwing Them Over
Personal seat licenses are a racket, and a common feature in NFL stadiums. PSLs were instituted across much of the league when the new stadium boom took off around the dawn of this century. They allow teams to offset construction and financing costs by forcing fans into paying a fee just for the ri...
Atlético Madrid Sell Yannick Carrasco In Latest Bit Of Chinese League Insanity
After a couple years’ worth of flabbergasting player transactions that sent relatively young, increasingly talented, borderline world-class players from some of the best leagues in Europe and South America to the gilded shores of China, this season felt quieter, like maybe normalcy had finally reass...
Riyad Mahrez Is Trapped In Leicester
Leicester City star Riyad Mahrez missed training today. It was the fourth consecutive session he’s not attended, and not because of an injury or any other valid excuse that would justify his skipping of practice. No, Mahrez has missed training because he’s mad at the club, and it’s hard not to feel ...
Arsenal Are Having A Shockingly Great Transfer Deadline Day
Well, well, would you look at that. Ol’ Arsène had an ace up his sleeve after all, and Arsenal have locked in two players on this transfer deadline day who will give Gooners everywhere something to cheer for once and, even more importantly, some much needed hope....
Three-Team Standoff Hopefully Will Not End With Arsenal's Dick Getting Shot Off
Famously star-crossed Premier League club Arsenal have already had a bad winter transfer window. Just last week the Gunners let Manchester United Debo them out of their best player, Alexis Sánchez, and the only thing that could even kind of almost halfway redeem them from that humiliating chump move...
Man City Spend More Of Their Unlimited Money On Yet Another Wildly Expensive Defender
Manchester City are one of the biggest and most ambitious clubs in world soccer. In order to realize their silver-lined aspirations, they need lots and lots of money to invest in the team. Luckily for them, they have more money than god thanks to the backing of the Abu Dhabi royal family which owns ...
Manchester United Need To Stay The Fuck Away From Our Wonderteen
The good thing about having one of the soccer world’s most coveted young attacking prospects is that the eyes of the game’s biggest clubs will be focused on the kid, each team projecting out his possibly incredible future and positioning themselves to snatch it for themselves if they so decide to ma...
The Coutinho-To-Barcelona Transfer Saga Is Back On, And Might Actually Happen This Time
This past summer was a great one for aficionados of melodramatic transfer window soap operas. The most passion-inflamed and drama-filled ones were the two Barcelona-based series, NeyWatch and One Life to Liverpool. NeyWatch, you probably remember, starred the impossibly hunky Neymar and detailed the...
Please Enjoy "The Joy Of Christmas," The Greatest, Goofiest Christmas Album Ever Made
Tastefulness. It has no place when celebrating the holiday season, but some people just can’t fucking help themselves. Look at this Spotify playlist:...
Astros Win 13-12 In Game That Allegedly Went Only Ten Innings
It took five hours, 17 minutes, but the big, stupid, ridiculous Game 5 that started with George Bush throwing out a first pitch and ended with pitchers and catchers reporting to Spring Training is over. The Astros won in “ten innings,” though in a game that took twice as long as their “nine inning” ...
Oh Yeah, And There Was An Idiot On The Field
As I write this the score is tied at 12 and it’s still the ninth inning. Will there be more? Who knows. Here’s an incident that happened who cares ago back when the score was who can remember to who gives a shit. A half-naked man wearing star-spangled shorts rushed the field and briefly escaped secu...
Televised Larceny
Alas, the camera cut away before what we assume was this dude getting a beatdown. ...
Man, Is There Something Sketchy About These World Series Baseballs
So it’s still Game 5 of the World Series, and we’ve already reached the all-time record for home runs. There’s something very, very wrong with these baseballs. Further evidence follows:...
Yuli Gurriel To Meet With MLB Commish; Facing Possible Suspension For Racist Gesture Aimed At Yu Darvish
Yuli Gurriel could be suspended from the World Series for his actions during Friday night’s game, in which the Astros first baseman was spotted on camera mocking Dodgers pitcher Yu Darvish’s ethnicity and mouthing the word “Chinito,” a derogatory Spanish slur that is literally translated as “little ...
Yuli Gurriel Under Fire For Possible "Slant-Eye" Gesture After Homering Off Yu Darvish [Update]
Yuli Gurriel is facing questions about a gesture made in the dugout after his second-inning home run off Yu Darvish in tonight’s Game 3, as the MLB International feed caught the Astros first baseman appearing to make a “slant-eye” gesture. The L.A. Times says they’ll ask Gurriel about the gesture af...