si Page 525 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
American Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Stomped All Over Benfica<em></em>
Borussia Dortmund lost 1-0 to Benfica in Lisbon, Portugal two weeks ago, necessitating a strong performance today in the second leg of their Round of 16 Champions League tie to advance. They needn’t worry, because the wonderteen was there. ...
Bruce Chen Takes The Mound In Business Casual Shoes
Bruce Chen, 17-year MLB vet who currently works for the Indians, is pitching for China at the World Baseball Classic right now. He’s only 39 years old, but he is pitching in some cleats that look like something your cousin lends you for your first job interview. I am literally unsure of what these a...
Angry Man Cuts President Trump's Balls Off<em></em>
President Trump was getting hard to manage so his handlers went and lopped off his testicles....
The First Team To Advance At The WBC Will Be...Israel?!
Barely more than 24 hours into the World Baseball Classic and we’ve got our first team set to advance, and it’s one no one would have expected: Team Israel, which upset South Korea yesterday, walloped Chinese Taipei 15-7 today and is sitting pretty....
DeMarcus Cousins To Rude Heckler: "Suck A Dick, Bitch"
DeMarcus Cousins’s tenure with the Pelicans hasn’t started off so well, as the birds have struggled against a tough schedule despite solid play from Boogie. Last night, they beat the Lakers in L.A., and a pair of hecklers parked their asses courtside, laid into Boogie, and got video of themselves do...
Bring On The Ben Simmons Point Guard Experiment<em></em>
The Philadelphia 76ers are wrapping up another losing season, one in which prized rookie Joel Embiid played just 31 games and number one overall draft pick Ben Simmons never even hit the floor. All that’s left to determine is whether Embiid will win rookie of the year on the back of just 40 percent ...
Look, Baseball!
I know I’m warmer than most on the World Baseball Classic, but I think it can only be a good thing that there’s actual, competitive baseball being played right now, after a long cold winter. (My enthusiasm will wane by May, when I’ll be wishing they could just skip ahead to September already. But le...
Russian Politician: Let's Legalize Fan Violence And Make It A New Spectator Sport
Back in June, when a group of Russian hooligans brutalized English fans at Euro 2016, most of the country’s politicians condemned the violence (even while playing coy about how it could have possibly happened). Igor Lebedev, deputy chairman of the Russian parliament, had a different perspective: “I ...
Britain's Football Associations To Fund Study On Brain Damage
Britain’s four major soccer associations said Friday they will fund a study to determine if soccer players are at a higher risk of developing dementia. The study will reportedly cost “six figures” and will be conducted by an independent university, the BBC reported....
The Future Of Innovation Is Innovation: A Day At Stanford's Sports-Business Conference<em></em>
Stanford University in the springtime is immaculate. There are no clouds in the sky and none of the aerated haze of the East Bay or the fog of San Francisco. Off to the west, the Santa Cruz Mountains gently form the outer boundary of Palo Alto. As I got lost looking for the Stanford Graduate School ...
Art Briles Writes Letter Explaining How He's A Great Guy Who Didn't Do Anything Wrong<em></em>
Former Baylor head football coach Art Briles, who presided over a football program that remains mired in one of the biggest sexual-assault scandals in sports history, is still very upset that people want to place any blame on him for the fact that his players allegedly committed 52 rapes over the co...
Curt Schilling Accuses Rosie O'Donnell Of Spewing "Poop And Lies"
If Curt Schilling’s going to eventually run for office, he’s doing a bang-up job of following in his political idol Donald Trump’s footsteps. Last night, the former baseball pitcher got into an argument with Rosie O’Donnell....
This Horrendous Defense By Jahlil Okafor Is Truly Something To Behold
You’re about to watch a defensive effort by 76ers center Jahlil Okafor. Be warned: It is the softest, wet-noodliest defense you’ll ever see in your dang life....
Don't Watch Donald Trump
I thought I was planning to watch Donald Trump speak last night, but then my older kid forgot to do his homework till the last minute before bedtime, and I started to get mad, and I paused and figured out I was really mad because I didn’t want to have to watch Donald Trump speak. ...
State Authorities Open Preliminary Investigation Into Baylor's Response To Sexual Assault Allegations
According to ESPN, the Texas Rangers—the criminal investigative unit, not the baseball team—are opening a preliminary investigation into Baylor University’s recent mishandling of several on-campus sexual assault cases....
How Did Washington Screw Up This Kirk Cousins Thing So Badly?
Washington up and franchised Kirk Cousins yesterday, which means Cousins is in line to earn a cool $23.94 million in guaranteed money next season—and to count just as much against the Skins’ salary cap. He and Washington also have until July 15 to broker a long-term agreement that has the potential ...
Keeper Gets Way Too Mad About Giving Up Goal
Even way down in the ninth tier of English soccer, players do not like to lose. Case in point: Cray Valley Paper Mills FC goalkeeper Jordan Carey’s reaction to this Ashford United goal:...
Sumo Wrestler Extremely Fucked Up By Violent Collision
I don’t know the particulars here, but what I do know is that the above video depicts one big sumo guy slamming into another sumo guy, the injured sumo guy convulsing on the ground and then stumbling in a very pronounced way during his failed attempts to get back on his feet, and that it’s hard to w...
You Can't Balance Out Racism
Some things don’t dissolve in a cup of platitudes....
North Carolina Pols Backpedal On Concussion Bill Granting Parents Powers Of A Doctor
North Carolina lawmakers recently proposed bill that would add parents to a list of licensed medical professionals allowed to evaluate concussed children; within a day of being publicized, the politicians responded to the backlash by telling concerned citizens that, actually, the controversial porti...