si Page 892 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

MLB PED Suspension Imminent, Submit Your Wild Speculation PDQ (UPDATE: We Have A Winner)
Rumors say that a "semi-big" Major League Baseball player is about to be suspended for a performance enhancing drug violation. To win the game, you must identify the player, the drug and the ESPN personality they will tearfully "confess" to....

And Here's A Guy Getting A Handy At A Hockey Game
Not sure who deserves more props - the BU hockey fan receiving some surreptitious manual love, or the private dick who decided to record it. We'll be handing out bonus points for identifying the parties involved....

Welcome To Deadspin's "Comedy Week"
This week, Deadspin will celebrate the release of Sarah Silverman's book, "The Bedwetter," with an excerpt and a friendly chat with you weirdos. To commemorate this fine event, we've also brought in more funny people....

Fans Oddly Excited To Meet Guy Impersonating Capitals Owner
Not happy with Washington's lackluster first round so far? Blame this guy who sort of looks like Ted Leonsis. [DC Sports Bog/Ted's Take]...

Get Ready For The Worst Sports Show Ever
A helpful reader was trolling Craigslist when he stumbled across a casting call for a new sports/talk/comedy show. And man, does it sound terrible (and not just because Joumana Kidd is hosting)....

The College Recruiting Arms Race Reaches Its Natural Conclusion
Josh Selby is one of the last blue chip recruits yet to commit to a school for the fall. That changes tonight, at the Jordan Brand Classic, where Selby will announce his selection live on national TV....

Have You Seen This Man’s Penis? GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

The Nets Should Party Harder Next Season
Jersey players were reportedly "downing tequila shots with a bevy of hot blondes" the night before their "big game" against Miami. Look, a 70-loss team has no big games, but that double-OT effort was pretty inspired. !Mas tequila, por favor!...

Scott Stapp Ruins Baseball
Here's Stapp, known to you as lead singer for the band that made you hate both music and God, howling a song called "Marlins Will Soar." Sample lyric: "Let's play ball, it's gameday. We want strikeouts, base hits, double plays." [Stapp's Blog]...

The Steroids Menace Eradicated, Congress Goes After Dip
Congress called on baseball to ban players from using smokeless tobacco in the dugout. But without chaw, what am I supposed to pretend my Big League Chew is? [AP]...

Onion Sports Network Coming To Comedy Central
Comedy Central has ordered 10 episodes, which will air next year. It is unclear whether the series, referred to as "scripted," will be "The Daily Show, but, you know, for sports" or more of this with higher production values. [Hollywood Reporter]...

Join Us Thursday For A Live Chat With Sam Lipsyte, Author Of <em>The Ask</em>
We'll have an excerpt Thursday from the great Sam Lipsyte's new novel, which is very funny and which I encourage you to read immediately. Sam will be by around 3 p.m. to say filthy things to you and discuss aggressively marketed nachos....

Lawyer Claims He Knows Of Yet Another Ben Roethlisberger Accusation
A Boston attorney claimed on WEEI sports radio today that he knows of another case involving Ben Roethlisberger, a Las Vegas night club, and "identical" allegations to the ones he was just cleared of in Georgia. So this isn't over?...

This Is Why You Don't Bring Wayward Dogs Into Minor League Ballparks
Last week, the Northwest Arkansas Naturals held an "Iams Adopt-a-Pet" promotion night and one excited pooch took that opportunity to crap all over the Royals Double-A affiliate. [YouTube]...

Detestable School, Loathsome Sneaker Company Produce Most Insufferable Ad Ever
This ad appeared in Sports Illustrated. As it is not a four color ad or black & white, it cost somwhere between $229,300 and $352,800. At least, according to the SI rate card, pictured after the jump: ...

How Did That False Amy Mickelson-Michael Jordan Rumor Start Anyway?
One of the the hottest Google searches today* is for "Amy Mickelson Michael Jordan affair." The results lead to unsourced nonsense about Phil Mickelson's illegitimate love child and his wife banging a basketball star. How the heck did that happen?...

JMU's Spring Party Turns Into A Riot
James Madison University's Springfest: an annual celebration of booze, booze and more booze. And this year, fire, riot police and tear gas. A student sends along some of the best photos and videos of the day....

Implosion Destructo-Porn: Texas Stadium Edition
Preceded by fireworks (and onlookers paying an admission fee), the 39-year-old Texas Stadium was reduced to rubble this morning. Jerry Jones is a secular Shiva: destroying, in order to re-create....

You Should Be Watching Hockey This Weekend, Seriously
Remember when everyone was so into hockey that time? Ha! But there's plenty to love: the NCAA championship, an NHL playoff berth battle, and oh yeah, some Slovenian hockey players who won their league title then beat up their coach!...

USA Swimming's Monstrous Coaches And The "Culture of Sexual Misconduct"
An investigative report on last night's 20/20 presented startling stories of young swimmers sexually abused, secretly videotaped, and even impregnated by monstrous coaches. Has USA Swimming created a unique "culture of sexual misconduct," as ABC News would have you believe?...