si Page 909 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Pedro Guerrero Beats The Spread
We're bringing back our popular "Dark Side of the Locker Room" series, which you'll remember was a compendium of journalists' bizarre, amusing and previously undocumented encounters with athletes (and often athletes' genitalia). Got a story? Send it to [email protected]....
The Ron Zook Coaching Tree Bears Intense Fruit
First-year New Mexico coach Mike Locksley learned at the knee of famous intensity-pisser Ron Zook, and it seems he learned well. Locksley now stands accused of punching his wide receivers coach in the face....
The Legend Of The Vest
Football season is upon us, which means that thousands of angry, horny, feisty pretend fans will converge upon this great nation's red cup-littered parking lots to participate in traditional tailgating revelry. These are not those stories...
"Motherf***er Hit My Penis"
Minnesota's Simoni Lawrence crotches himself on a yard marker, and provides us with a contender for quote of the year....
Has Mark Whicker Taught Us Nothing?
"The nightmare of 9/11 will live forever in our minds and memories."...Yes, this is how a high school football game story begins....
Steve McNair Murder Scene An Ill-Advised Halloween Display
Halloween! Time to scare the kiddies with graphic depictions of recently murdered NFL quarterbacks! That's what one amusement park figures, at least before the inevitable boycott. Let's work up our righteous indignation....
There's One In Every Crowd
A desperate Wisconsin Badger fan that is. He will do whatever it takes to draw attention to himself, even if that means buying tickets for 100 Midshipmen to be his personal bodyguards. (Click to embiggen.)...
Russian Dude Will Build Arena, Buy Nets, Annex New Jersey (UPDATE)
Russian basketboligarch Mikhail Prokhorov has gone from maybe chipping in a few dollars to build a new arena for the Nets to offering to take over the whole dang team—and maybe the entire NBA while he's at it....
Sports Will Make Detroit Happy Again, Sportswriters Continue To Claim
Oh, look. A sportswriter has parachuted into Detroit and found a hard-luck city with a shrinking tax base in the maw of a recession whose spirits nonetheless brighten because Brandon Inge just ran out a grounder to short. Yay!...
Lane Kiffin Just Can't Stop Himself From Being Himself
Urban Meyer tells media several players had the flu during their 23-13 victory over Tennessee. Lane's response. "I don't know. I guess we'll wait and after we're not excited about a performance, we'll tell you everybody was sick." [Tennessean viaTruthRumors]...
It's Like Tim McCarver Talking, But To Music!
Don't wait until tomorrow morning to leave a voicemail for your boss saying you won't be coming in on Tuesday. That's the day Tim McCarver's new album drops....
Psycho T Found Your Dog!
Tyler Hansbrough—and a Andy Katz doppelganger—will find your lost puppy through the magic of social networking (and AT&T! What a great corporate partner!) It's a shame that this doesn't violate any NCAA rules. [Rush The Court]...
Expository Writing
Hi everyone! Did you guys say you wanted us to write another thing about Derek Jeter? Okay! Your funeral!!!...
Heat Staff Find Their Paychecks In A Miami Vise
Want to trim the budget during a recession, but can't get around that little matter of guaranteed contracts? Take a page from Heat, and cut the pay of the entire front office staff, including Erik Spoelstra and Pat Riley....
Help!
Paul Shirley, hoops journeyman and dime-store Jim Bouton, thinks the Beatles are totally overrated and today's music is vastly superior. Moment I stopped reading: "Just as Dean Koontz came after Bram Stoker, Oasis came after The Beatles." [ESPN]...
Simmons On Carolla: "He Has Reached Manny Ramirez Status"
Bill Simmons had himself a chat yesterday with the baccalaureates over at newly launched ESPN The Boston, and between Road House jokes, he shared a few catty thoughts about Adam Carolla — thoughts apparently deemed too catty by ESPN....
Legless Runner Declares War On Bipeds
Track and field nerds may remember the name of Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee who fought to get into the Olympic Games (and then didn't qualify.) Apparently, he has turned his aggression on people who still have their legs....