st Page 1382 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Boca Juniors And River Plate Combine For Five Red Cards, Nine Yellows, And One Brawl In A Friendly

There’s no such thing as a friendly between Boca Juniors and River Plate. Every Superclásico is an opportunity for the bitter crosstown rivals to humiliate the other, and yesterday’s match was no different. Boca had three players sent off with direct red cards, and River lost two. ...

Novak Djokovic And A Heckler Reach An Amicable Consensus

Novak Djokovic was, by one metric, historically bad last night for a Grand Slam match winner. He held on to beat Frenchman Giles Simon 6-3, 6-7 (1), 6-4, 4-6, 6-3 in the round of 16 at the Australian Open, but he committed 100 unforced errors. In a way, this is more indicative of Simon’s style (as y...

A Few Questions About That Six-Page Letter José Mourinho Supposedly Wrote To Manchester United

Hmm....

We Can't Read Your Sign, Dickhead [UPDATE]

Here’s some Jersey shithead with an illegible sign making an ass out of himself behind the Monmouth Co. sheriff. Hey, dickhead, you’re holding a white sign in the middle of a snowstorm. Nobody can read your fuckin’ sign. If you had a brain in your skull, you’d be inside....

The NCAA Will Find Some Way To Fine Them For This

U.S. Attorney Suggests Password Cardinals Used To Access Astros Scouting Database Was “Eckstein123"

Earlier this month, former Cardinals scouting director Christopher Correa plead guilty to five counts of unauthorized access to a computer for hacking the Houston Astros database. Unsealed federal documents revealed that Correa used an old password to look at confidential information, including scou...

Joe Hart's Tremendous Save Brings Russell Brand To His Feet In Anguish

Man City keeper Joe Hart kept his side even with West Ham United with a brilliant save of a Dimitry Payet free kick that brought anguish to the supporters at Upton Park—especially Russell Brand, in attendance with pal Noel Gallagher. Depending on whether you think Brand is an asshole or if you think...

The Duquesne Basketball Team Is Stranded On The Pennsylvania Turnpike

Blizzards spare no driver, not even Atlantic 10 college basketball team buses. The Duquesne Dukes were fresh off a win against George Mason last night, and were almost back home to Pittsburgh when they got caught in the blizzard on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. The team spent all of last night on the b...

Three NHL Games, Two NBA Games Postponed By East Coast Blizzard

How are you planning on spending this snowbound evening? Hopefully you weren’t planning on watching the Wizards, Sixers (you definitely weren’t), or the Islanders play tonight. The NHL has postponed today’s Islanders—Flyers game as well as tomorrow’s Capitals—Penguins game. The Capitals game yesterd...

Weather Geek Mike Trout Joins Jim Cantore To Report On Blizzard

When Mike Trout isn’t mashing home runs or robbing them, he’s at home doing precise meteorological measurements; the self-described “weather geek” wants to be a stormchaser someday, and The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore had Trout on this morning to report on conditions in his hometown of Millville, ...

Stephen Curry Is A Fictional Character From Planet X

One of baseball’s last remaining virtues is that the maxim “Watch any baseball game, and you’ll see something you’ve never seen before” is generally true. We think it’s about time that rule be applied to any time Steph Curry is on a basketball court... or off it....

Ovechkin Spotted Getting Gas To Plow Neighbors' Driveways; Is Unafraid Of Blizzard Because "We're From Russia"

Draw your own conclusions about how and why Alex Ovechkin happened to run into D.C. CBS station WUSA at a gas station. All we know is that the Capitals star had three words in response to a query about whether he’s prepared for the blizzard assaulting our nation’s capital: “We’re from Russia.”...

Poker-Playing Jabroni Can't Stop Shilling His Businesses

Meet Salomon Ponte, the winner of a WPTDeepStacks no-limit hold ’em tournament. After taking first place, he sat down for a post-tourney interview and took the opportunity to relentlessly advertise himself. Everyone has to make a living, but Ponte was seemingly incapable of stopping the hustle....

"Fuck You, Dale" [UPDATES]

Man, Dale’s employers at Metal Works of High Point must really hate him....

Austrian TV Gives NFL Conference Title Games The Star Wars Treatment

We’ve previously covered in this space our appreciation for Austria’s approach to NFL coverage. Österreich is just wild about American football, and official broadcaster PULS4 has produced this Star Wars-themed promo for Sunday’s games. It’s... interesting....

Is It OK To Order Delivery During A Snowstorm?

Much of the East Coast is about to get slammed by a nor’easter, with areas in and around Washington D.C. set to receive up to two feet or more of snow. Schools have been canceled, airports are functionally shut down, and even D.C.’s Metro is set to shutter for the weekend. But you’re hungry, and you...

Report: Clippers Trade Josh Smith For The Lint In Daryl Morey's Pocket

Depth was a problem that the Los Angeles Clippers aimed to fix last offseason, particularly with the signings of Josh Smith and Lance Stephenson. Both have been disasters this season, and now Yahoo’s Adrian Wojnarowski is reporting that the Clips are sending Smith back to the Houston Rockets in exch...

The Washington Capitals Shouldn't Play Tonight [Update]

The snow in Washington D.C. is expected to start falling around noon. A blizzard warning formally goes into effect at 3 p.m. The region could get two feet or more. The storm “has life and death implications,” Mayor Muriel Bowser said. “People should hunker down, shelter in place and stay off the roa...

How Georgian Pride, Wyclef, And The Tween Internet Almost Got Zaza Pachulia To The NBA All-Star Game

The starters for the NBA All-Star Game were revealed last night, and there was one name that stuck out on the list of the final vote tallies for the Western Conference team....

The Seahawks Warned The Cardinals About Carolina's Turf

The Seahawks could not have possibly had a worse start to their divisional-round loss to the Panthers last week, throwing two picks and allowing two defensive touchdowns and falling behind 21-0 in the first 15 minutes. And, at least to some extent, Pete Carroll blamed the grass....