st Page 2275 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's Why Killing A Referee Is a Poor Idea
It's never too early for a bizarre story involving murder, cover-up, the Philadelphia Flyers, and the age old dilemma of players and referees not seeing eye to eye....

Your 2009 Detroit Lions Are Matthew Stafford And Ten Other Guys
The tension building around the first overall pick has been punctured with anonymous sources for, I think, the 312th straight year. We know that Matthew "Matt" Stafford will be the Lions' guy....

Rajon Rondo Likes Fast Cars, Absurd Amounts Of Caffeine
First of all, how could Red Bull pick an NBA player as its first spokesman, and not have him be a member of the Chicago Bulls? Seems like a tragic misstep to me. [Break Media] [Rajon Rondo Blog]...

Learning English The Kornheiser And Wilbon Way
I'm not sure how often "Stick a fork in them, the run is over, Wilbon," comes up in normal conversation, but if it does, these Chinese students learning English have that situation covered....

More Bad News For Lenny Dykstra
"Nails On The Numbers" has been eliminated from The Street.com. [Daily Options Report]...

Jay Cutler's Late Night Activities Prompt Furious Debate
Bears' general manager Jerry Angelo isn't worried about Jay Cutler's drinking . Former punky QB Jim McMahon says "It's the off season!" And now for Julia Allison's side of the story....

New Mouth Guard Is Effective, And Most Importantly, Stylish
Look closely the next time Eric Byrnes steps in the batter's box. Focus in on his face, examine his mouth. Do you see it? Um no, I refuse to do this. Next question?...

Gary Bettman Does Not Appreciate Your Octopus-Throwing Antics
A Red Wings fan throwing an octopus on the Columbus Blue Jackets home ice? Sir, this will not stand! (Scuffle ensues — see photo)....

Rick Ankiel Is The Latest American Mustache Hero
According to the American Mustache Institution, Ankiel's "labia secula" (Latin for "lip sweater", apparently) is responsible for his increased production at the plate. [AMI]...

Girl, 12, Throws Perfect Game, Is Called Up By Mets
The taunting rings in your ears and burns like fire, and will for years. A girl pitched a perfect game against your Little League team, and you struck out three times. Nelson Muntz approves....

Tony Allen Is Not Very Popular In Chicago
Boston Celtics' guard Tony Allen apparently has angered some Chicago-area individuals so much they have threatened to kill him, prompting Tom Clancy-like security for him during last night's Bulls/Celtics game at the United Center....

ESPN Headline Writers Are Witty Rapscallions
Well isn't that special. But in ESPN's defense, there's probably not a whole lot you can do with news like this. [ESPN]...

Big Papi Fires Warning Shot Over Joba's Bow
Their series doesn't begin until tomorrow, but David Ortiz thought he'd get in a preemptive strike today against Joba Chamberlain and the Yankees. Hey Joba, please don't throw at our noggins....

Mess With The Fordham Ram, You Get The Horns
We've all been there—you're hanging in the cafeteria when the school mascot walks in and you find yourself with an overwhelming urge to punch him the face. If you're a Fordham student, resist that urge....

Which Of These Nightmare Fuels Will Be The New St. John's Mascot?
What, no giant talking beer keg? St. John's has a storied and troubled history when it comes to mascots, and the current vote to find a new one is not going to help, it appears....

The Myth Of Lenny Dykstra Completely Unravels
ESPN's Mike Fish punctures the final holes into Lenny Dykstra's supposed financial genius with swift, purposeful blows. Hopefully, this is the last we'll hear about Dykstra for a long, long time....

Crack The F—king Skye. Your 2009 NFL Draft Jamboroo
The NFL Draft is this weekend, so time for a special offseason edition of Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo. Enjoy....

Feds Seize Brandi Chastain's Bra, Demand Ransom
If you want to see the bra alive again, leave $250 in unmarked bills at the enclosed location. No tricks. Bra will be shipped within 5-7 business days....

Steve Nash Must Be Stopped Before He Directs Again
In his directorial debut, Steve Nash frolicked with Baron Davis on a tandem bike. Now there's Superbadge, starring Shaquille O'Neal and Alando Tucker as cops. This can't be good for anyone. [NBA.com]...

Football Coach Bans Student Reporters, Takes Gratuitous Shot At Soccer (Update)
Angered over a recent editorial in the school paper, the head football coach at Wisconsin-Whitewater has denied student reporters any access to his team this coming fall....